A few weeks ago I was upstate at my mom's...I caught on to a few comments and then things started coming off the registry...Last night FH was on the phone w/ his mom and was acting weird/couldn't answer questions...he also insists on coming home w/ me for Thanksgiving, I just want to be with my mom for the holiday...
Well, last night I was like 'the shower is then isn't it?'...I flipped out...literally....I don't want a shower...the thought of it makes me sick...since my father passed away I've been having anxiety attacks when I'm with more than 4 or 5 people. i really dread this. SO...FH emailed my mom saying I was upset...i had to then email my mom and explain my side....
I haven't heard back. I feel terrible...I feel like I'm ungrateful....fact is, I cannot handle a shower now. I know they all think they're being nice but I'm not up to it.. at all.
I feel like a horrible person.
staceycostigan
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR: Vent : I feel terrible...
I am not an avid poster.. but this IS what the boards are for. To help each other. Whether its to help find a vendor or to help people through tough situations like this one. I cant imagine what you are going through, but I think I agree with the last post. There is more feelings going on here caused by grief. Maybe seeing someone could help. I can tell you arent afraid to tell people how you feel, which is amazing. So maybe talking it out with someone who can help you understand the feelings you have and help you find ways to deal with them might be a great idea. As for the shower, there is no one in this world, besides maybe your FH, who can understand what you are feeling than your mother. That is what she is here for, to understand you. Yes, she might need this whole shower and planning all the events that go with a wedding to keep herself on track and to help her deal with the situation, but I promise you, she will understand your feelings and not hold them against you. I know I am just babbling now, but hopefully this will make you feel a little better... and I know that knowing all these wonderful girls on this board are here to help you and listen to you makes you also feel much better...
bemyyoko
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Re: NWR: Vent : I feel terrible...
Posted by futuremrsmultari
Posted by LuvMyAlfonse
I thought you really wanted a shower but you were afraid that no one would throw it or no one would come?
Colleen, it sounds as if your father passing is really affecting you in ways you didn't think it would. Maybe you should try a grief counselor. You shouldn't ignore how you feel. Let people help you.
I thought that would be the case...
and now that it's real, it's too frightening. I was sick all nice last night thinking about it.....
Even though I'm a counselor, I don't want to go to counseling...although, at this point, I better do something...
With the holidays and the wedding so close I'm 100% overwhelmed. Sorry for whining so much girls....
I know this isn't what the boards are for.
first of all, do NOT appologize. If the girls on this board can sit here and be super supportive and 'comfort' girls who have a bad hair day, we can support you through this hard time.
i do not think you are whining at all. and this post is wedding relevant b/c it's about a shower. so don't think otherwise.
if people don't want to 'deal with it' they don't have to read it. you've made friends here. this is what friends are for. anything i can do to help you colleen, you just let me know.
LuvMyAlfonse
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR: Vent : I feel terrible...
Posted by futuremrsmultari I thought that would be the case...
and now that it's real, it's too frightening. I was sick all nice last night thinking about it.....
Even though I'm a counselor, I don't want to go to counseling...although, at this point, I better do something...
With the holidays and the wedding so close I'm 100% overwhelmed. Sorry for whining so much girls....
I know this isn't what the boards are for.
I can only imagine what you are going through....
Look at all the support you're getting on the board, and I think Kerri said if we can support people on bad hair days, we can certainly support you. REGARDLESS of it being wedding-related or not. It helps to get it all out.
I agree with everyone else, HAVE the shower. You may have anxiety leading up to it but once you see all the love you're surrounded by, it may comfort you...
AMGBride2008
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Member since
Re: NWR: Vent : I feel terrible...
Posted by ant n tilde
this is EXACTLY what these boards are for!
This is my completely unsolicited opinion:
I think you should let them go through with the shower as long as it isnt a surprise and it is not some huge shower. I think you should go to therapy or maybe go to a doctor and explain to them how you are feeling.
I went to a doctor and it changed my life. She gave me a prescription for Xanax. . .I havent even taken ONE but I know once the anxiety starts I have that option and then I calm down.
I was dreading my shower - I had nightmares about it because it was a surprise and I wasn't sure if I would freak out or not.
I WAS surprised - and I went to the bathroom to take my xanax and you know what? I decided to give it a few minutes - and I didn't even need it!!
I am not saying you will have the exact same experience as me but don't think you are crazy for not wanting a shower but DO have faith in yourself that you can get through it - it sounds to me ( as a completely untrained non professional ) that you NEED this shower bc how else are you going to know how you will react at the wedding?
I am so sorry you are going through this
Well said Matilde! I completely agree with this.
Randilotus
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Re: NWR: Vent : I feel terrible...
Posted by kimNanthony
You definitely deserve a shower! With anxiety the 'what if' is always so much worse than what actually happens. I'm sure once you were there you would have a great time with all of your friends and family.
I agree, just look at it as a trial wedding! People would only come to love and support you! I know you've been through a lot, but you only get married once, I truly believe that your dad would not want you feeling this way! Any father would want his daughter to enjoy this time. Give him happy moments to look down at!!!
