alright - i JUUUST heard back from our church - we now have to go and have a meeting with the priest. all standard things right...so now all of the sudden out of no where i'm hearing ALLLL these inSANE stories about having to fill out 100 question surveys about each other and if you don't get enough right they wont marry you. being asked to move out if your living together , promising not to befriend anyone who's gay..... i mean listen, I'm catholic - i know the deal. i'm all confirmed etc...but this is really scaring me. i know we SHOULD be able to answer most of the survey, but what if....can anyone make me feel better here??? how nutty is this process?
drpepper318
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Re: ok- gimme the REAL DEAL on pre cana
Seriously don't be scared. It wasn't anything like that for us. It was no big deal at all. We just went to the group leaders' house once a week and sat around and talked about relationships and marital issues and all this stuff. It wasn't boring and they didn't put us on the spot for anything. Don't worry!
JKFris09
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Re: ok- gimme the REAL DEAL on pre cana
The survey you're talking about is probably FOCCUS it's long but it's not pass/fail its to show you and FH things you may not see eye to eye on and maybe want to discuss if they're important to you. The Deacon told us it's just a way to get some viewpoints the other person has you may have not known about.
Espo22
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Re: ok- gimme the REAL DEAL on pre cana
lol dont worry, the whole 'they wont marry you if you fail'is false that would be ridiculous. Its more to learn about eachother
Ana and Darryl
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Re: ok- gimme the REAL DEAL on pre cana
there are different ways of doing your pre-cana. you can do the once a week meeting a couple (tends to be more personal and you need to be more involved) or you can take the weekend classes (not the retreat) The class we took was on fri night 7pm-9pm and Saturday all day. It was a large group so we opted to just listen. we found it very helpful because it helps bring to light things you might not have thought of as a couple. how to work through things and just basic issues and situations that come up in married life.
Dont worry it will all be ok. I recommend the weekend to get it over with.
PegaLega
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Re: ok- gimme the REAL DEAL on pre cana
They dont let you get married is the greatest thing I have ever heard.
That 100 questions survey is how you view life in general-that is FOCCUS tho not pre-cana. They are basic questions....and there isnt really a grade. They compare your answers with FHs and then the ones you are on opposite ends of the spectrum you talk about. Nothing scary at all.
Pre-cana basically is a group thing-you talk about all the things that start or come up when youare married, keeping God in your life, splitting holidays, keeping Love alive, etc. Also nothing to be scared of really.
Just remember this: You have a family, when it comes to push or shove who comes first, your partner or your child? YOUR PARTNER comes first!!!
snowcutie82
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Re: ok- gimme the REAL DEAL on pre cana
we just took the foccus test and went over the results...it's about 150 agree/disagree/dont know questions....from diff topics they (family, finance, relationship etc). After ours...they took my answers, fh's answers and compared them to what we were 'supposed' to answer....anything we didn't match on with the 'real answers' they sort of went over with us...it wasnt too many and some questions we totally didnt understand until after the test because they were confusing.
there are a handful of questions that supposedly marked 'important'...they told us if u disagree on those, it may cause some concern etc (our ppl told us that the worst that would have happened at our church is that u have more meetings/counseling with the priest).
BUTTTT a lot of the questions are just obvious (and repetitive) that u really wont get wrong.
if u live together ure supposed to fill out an additional section (we skipped it...)
stlmn2u
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Re: ok- gimme the REAL DEAL on pre cana
We took our FOCCUS test 6 months after we got engaged and have been engaged now for almost 2 yrs....We just now this week went over the FOCCUS test....We went to the church, a pre cana coordinator told us how to go over it with each other, and that is what we did.....Alot of things we answered the same, however, we didn't give the preferred answer that the church says we should have given......We have come a long way since we first got engaged....And by that I mean, we have discussed where we will live, having children, finances, holidays and so much more..... The test just tells you where you need to communicate more.....We have our actual first night of pre cana where they separate us into groups this Friday night.... So....with that said, do not be nervous that they will tell you if you 'fail' that they won't marry you because it's not true....HTH!!!
And by the way, after we went over the answers with each other, we went back to the coordinator and she RIPPED up our answers!!!
colleen1117
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Re: ok- gimme the REAL DEAL on pre cana
dear strangers, i love you ALL TO ABSOLUTE PIECES
i just finished dinner and was so worked up i could hardly eat! thank you so much for sharing! you think an educated woman like my self wouldn't buy into such non-sense, but i just heard it from so many different people!!! i'll chalk it up to nervous bridal brain! thanks for puttin' this gals mind (and tummy) at ease!!!
THANKS THANKS THANKS!!!!
CMaria81
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Member since
Re: ok- gimme the REAL DEAL on pre cana
We went to the one in Douglaston that is one night and then one whole day. They made us fill out a bunch of q and a's but we just exchanged papers and saw how compatible our answers were. No one else looked at our papers. I don't know about the moving out if you are living together thing or don't befriend gay people. Never heard anything at Pre Cana about that. There was a woman who was pregnant at our Pre Cana and no one said a thing about that.
colleen1117
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Re: ok- gimme the REAL DEAL on pre cana
Posted by CMaria81
We went to the one in Douglaston that is one night and then one whole day. They made us fill out a bunch of q and a's but we just exchanged papers and saw how compatible our answers were. No one else looked at our papers. I don't know about the moving out if you are living together thing or don't befriend gay people. Never heard anything at Pre Cana about that. There was a woman who was pregnant at our Pre Cana and no one said a thing about that.
ok- thank you. even further confirmation that people only tell brides horror stories! ugg! thanks LIW brides for being my saving grace
MIssBridalBliss
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Member since
Re: ok- gimme the REAL DEAL on pre cana
Posted by stlmn2u
We took our FOCCUS test 6 months after we got engaged and have been engaged now for almost 2 yrs....We just now this week went over the FOCCUS test....We went to the church, a pre cana coordinator told us how to go over it with each other, and that is what we did.....Alot of things we answered the same, however, we didn't give the preferred answer that the church says we should have given......We have come a long way since we first got engaged....And by that I mean, we have discussed where we will live, having children, finances, holidays and so much more..... The test just tells you where you need to communicate more.....We have our actual first night of pre cana where they separate us into groups this Friday night.... So....with that said, do not be nervous that they will tell you if you 'fail' that they won't marry you because it's not true....HTH!!!
And by the way, after we went over the answers with each other, we went back to the coordinator and she RIPPED up our answers!!!
I am glad you said that. We did our FOCCUS exam in March and haven't heard back yet!
