So background info: When FH & I got engaged his father and stepmother said they would pay for the eparty and rd. Which I thought was very generous of them. His mother has contributed nothing and will not.
FFIL tells me they cannot afford to pay for the rd a few weeks ago. Ok fine. So I spoke with my mother and we agreed to just buy a few trays of food and have everyone back to my parents house. My parents would pay for the trays of food even though I've insisted on paying, they won't let me.
So now fast forward to this past weekend. My father does not want to have everyone back at the house. He says that the house will get messy and he doesn't want to entertain. He would prefer to have it out. Fine. Well he is really annoyed how FH's parents backed out of paying for the RD. And he feels that since they are not contributing and now my father has to pick up the tab, they should not be invited to the rd.
My mom was telling me this morning. She said she understands my father's point but also doesn't want to make things difficult for me or be rude. But the bottom line is they want to have it out but would prefer to keep it 'bridal party only'
I don't know what to do. My parents refuse to take my money to help with the cost. I don't want to be rude to fil's if we don't invite them. But I kind of agree with my parents.
So any advice ladies? TIA!
Maria5117
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Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!
Wow... this is a tough one! I can totally see their point and I would definitely be annoyed to, BUT not inviting FH's parents would probably stir up some controversy so close to the wedding... between your parents and FH's parents or between FILs and you or ultimately between you and FH .......I'd tell my parents that i didn't feel comfortable not inviting them and that FH and I would put money in to cover their plates since they HAVE to be there. Explain that you don't want any hosility between anyone in the families right before the wedding. I'm sure they'd understand. Wouldn't they?
AngnShaun
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Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!
thats a really really difficult situation... i agree with your mom tho, she is concered that it could cause problems for you/fh and his parents... and thats really considerate of her to mention it, but i also understand your fathers POV, he wasnt expecting to have to deal with any of this.... but ultimately i agree with your mom...
my solution... if I were you, i would just do BP only and have it somewhere other than your parents... maybe your house or a house of someone in the BP if you dont have room!
eternitybride
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Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!
Even if they keep it 'bridal part only' the grooms parents are considered part of it, as they are usually involved in the ceremony, down the aisle, lighting unity candle, etc.
I would still invite them. Yes, its a touchy situation, but circumstances change. Also, if its your father who is saying have it out, which may be more expensive, imo, he cannot then say who should or should not be invited. He may be upset that they are no longer paying, but if they can't afford it, it would seem a punishment for a changed circumstance.
StaceyWill
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Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!
I think it’s absolutely ok if only the BP is invited. I don’t think your FIL’s will think it’s rude.
barbtony
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Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!
Posted by Maria5117
Wow... this is a tough one! I can totally see their point and I would definitely be annoyed to, BUT not inviting FH's parents would probably stir up some controversy so close to the wedding... between your parents and FH's parents or between FILs and you or ultimately between you and FH .......I'd tell my parents that i didn't feel comfortable not inviting them and that FH and I would put money in to cover their plates since they HAVE to be there. Explain that you don't want any hosility between anyone in the families right before the wedding. I'm sure they'd understand. Wouldn't they?
ITA
Lsorrent
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Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!
I'm sorry Christine, but I really think you need to invite FIL's. I can't imagine that going over well if they're not invited. Did something happen that FFIL can no longer pay for it? Like a pay cut, job loss, extreme expense or something that justifies it? If so, you can't really penalize him for that. JMO.
I get what your father is saying, and I also recommend keeping it to BP only, but as far as I'm concerned, BP also includes parents.
AdriandSteve
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Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!
I would take what your father said as a reaction to being angry. Regardless of who's paying imo i think it's ridiculous to not invite the FIL's to the rehersal dinner. It's not like your FIL's are telling you guys the week before. Then that would be messed up. My FMIL isn't contributing a dime to the wedding, but everyone's financialy situation is different. If you guys were paying for the rehersal dinner on your own would you then not invite your parents?
that's just my opinion.
scatteredx12
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Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!
wow, this sounds like a sucky situation.. i def see your parents point but to be honest, i think you should just invite your fil's because not inviting them may just cause trouble between the two families.. i'd be upset too if they backed out of paying after they said they would, but if i was in your situation, i would just ask my parents to invite them anyway because it will save you a lot of stress.
pipermaru
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Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!
i think you probably need to invite your future in-laws or it will create some life-long tension you won't need to deal with... it might be good to keep it small (limit to BP) to keep costs low.
JayBee216
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Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!
You have to invite them. I feel like it would start WWW III if you don't, and the last thing you want is someone ruining your wedding day!
Tell your dad that, while what they did was F-ed up beyond belief, they must be invited b/c they are FH's parents and you don't want any worries on your wedding day.
Agree on giving your parents $$ for FH's parents plates though.
jcreilly
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Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!
If it where me, I would book a resturant and host it my self but thats me!
Becca2010
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Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!
Ouch. I see where your parents are coming from and I can definitely understand it, but I really think that's a 'no-no.' If they weren't invited, they'd see it as a personal attack (which it pretty much is) and it would start a war probably. Your parents need to see that. Maybe after they've had some time to mull everything over, you can speak calmly with them about the what that choice would mean for the entire family.
Jna2010
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Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!
i really think you should invite your fil's.... its like a slap in the face if you dont i think jmo
GiannisWifey
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Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!
I understand where your parents are coming from but I only see that starting a HUGE problem....I can totally see your FIL taking it as 'oh since we didn't pay, we aren't invited' type of situation which would probably lead to hard feelings or an argument......I would sit and talk with your parents and stress to them what could potentially arise from NOT inviting them....I think your parents would feel the same way if it was the other way around....
I am sorry you are going through this - good luck hun!!
runnerbride1023
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Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!
You definitely have to invite your FILs. If they were paying for it your parents would have been invited. Plus it will cause way too much tension between the families which is not needed a few days before your wedding. You can limit the amount of FIL to parents and grandparents (if they are still around). no need to invite extended family or anyone not directly involved in the ceremony.
little j
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Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!
how bout a compromise - where its just BP and parents. NOOOOO EXTENDED FAMILY OF ANY KIND. that way its still simple and small, but you arent appearing to NOT include his side....
this situation stinks. sorry christine!
stinenandy2010
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Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!
Posted by Lsorrent
I'm sorry Christine, but I really think you need to invite FIL's. I can't imagine that going over well if they're not invited. Did something happen that FFIL can no longer pay for it? Like a pay cut, job loss, extreme expense or something that justifies it? If so, you can't really penalize him for that. JMO.
I get what your father is saying, and I also recommend keeping it to BP only, but as far as I'm concerned, BP also includes parents.
no nothing financially changed....i hate to say it but they are just kind of cheap. so i think thats why my father is really annoyed about the whole situation.
MrsC2010
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Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!
i understand how your parents would be annoyed...but i think the in-laws should be invited to the RD...it may cause major problems if they aren't.
Golden
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Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!
Wow- That's a lot of pressure on you. Honestly, I totally understand your parent's pov but at the same time they shouldn't do anything that will causes uneeded stress for you or FH. I think that you should speak with your parents and tell them that they should invite FH's parents but FH's parents invite anyone they will need to cover the plates of their guests. If they don't invite anyone then they should at least cover their plates...this is a sticky one, GL
