Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!

Original post by stinenandy2010

Nov 02, 2009 10:11 AM

So background info: When FH & I got engaged his father and stepmother said they would pay for the eparty and rd. Which I thought was very generous of them. His mother has contributed nothing and will not.

FFIL tells me they cannot afford to pay for the rd a few weeks ago. Ok fine. So I spoke with my mother and we agreed to just buy a few trays of food and have everyone back to my parents house. My parents would pay for the trays of food even though I've insisted on paying, they won't let me.

So now fast forward to this past weekend. My father does not want to have everyone back at the house. He says that the house will get messy and he doesn't want to entertain. He would prefer to have it out. Fine. Well he is really annoyed how FH's parents backed out of paying for the RD. And he feels that since they are not contributing and now my father has to pick up the tab, they should not be invited to the rd.

My mom was telling me this morning. She said she understands my father's point but also doesn't want to make things difficult for me or be rude. But the bottom line is they want to have it out but would prefer to keep it 'bridal party only'

I don't know what to do. My parents refuse to take my money to help with the cost. I don't want to be rude to fil's if we don't invite them. But I kind of agree with my parents.

So any advice ladies? TIA!

JC297 Posted: Nov 02, 2009 10:46 AM

Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!

I think you have to invite them.

Times have changed and its no longer viewed that the brides parents pay for XX and the grooms parents pay for XX.

If you really want to pay for the RD then do so, just book it on your own and let everyone its taken care of.

Rosalind_75 Posted: Nov 02, 2009 10:47 AM

Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!

i say invite them.
just to avoid the drama before the big day.

maybe you and fh could bring this up to them after the fact.

sorry

StellaStar13 Posted: Nov 02, 2009 10:50 AM

Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!

Listen I TOTALLY see you & your parent's point. FIL's should of came up w/an alternative game plan once they realized they cold afford to pay for the whole RD instead of just dropping it back in your laps but IMPO, it will cause ISSUES & major if they are not invited. If I were in your shoes, I would approach my parents & explain that although you agree w/their point FIL's are now part of your new family and not inviting them could possibly hurt FH & put lots of undue stress on your wedding. Hopefully that will help your parents to see the situation in a new light and they will agree in order to save you some grief. Good Luck!!!!! HTH!

drivwal Posted: Nov 02, 2009 10:50 AM

Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!

yea invite them. otherwise you will cause drama just before your wedding and that kind of drama carries out for years so start off your marriage on a positive note and things will be fine after the wedding.

sugarnspice Posted: Nov 02, 2009 10:53 AM

Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!

IMHO.......

I see where your parents are coming from, but its not about them. A rehersal dinner is for the family and to reherse before the wedding.

While they have valid points, its what you and FH want, and I would imagine, he would like his parents there.

Your parents will get over FHs parents being invited

BUT

FH's parents may not get over not being invited,.

I say invite them

ps sorry your going through this

stinenandy2010 Posted: Nov 02, 2009 10:54 AM

Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!

Thanks girls....I mean I knew from the minute my parents spoke to me I should still invite fil's. But on the other hand, I totally understand where my parents are coming from. And in no way did they get nasty with me or anything, they said it was up to me bc they didn't want to cause any drama, but they also wanted me to know how they felt.

I think I just feel bad for my parents. They are paying for about 80% of the wedding. They also just paid for my bridal shower and I know they are helping my sister with the bachelorette party. I've insisted so many times to help pay for the RD but they refuse to take my money.

Its just a tough spot to be in....thanks for the advice girls!

RitasEngaged Posted: Nov 02, 2009 10:54 AM

Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!

Posted by MrsC2010

i understand how your parents would be annoyed...but i think the in-laws should be invited to the RD...it may cause major problems if they aren't.

ITA - even though i do think it is fked up

T E R I Posted: Nov 02, 2009 11:09 AM

Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!

I understand your parents being pissed about this, especially because they said they were going to pay for it in the beginning and your parents are going above and beyond as it is. But you need to invite them to keep the peace before the wedding and then after the wedding you can go off on them about it

blessed18 Posted: Nov 02, 2009 11:14 AM

Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!

Unfortunately i think that you just have to invited them or else it would get ugly and you dont need that kind of stress a few days from your big day. Is there any way you can minimize the cost for them? Maybe you can chip in or have it at your house.
Tough situation..sorry!

Iluvpoodles Posted: Nov 02, 2009 11:40 AM

Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!

I can see him being annoyed, but you can't not have them there bc they can't pay for it now. I mean my mom isn't contrubting anything towards the wedding. I'm not going to not invite her to my wedding bc of this...

cleokizzy Posted: Nov 02, 2009 11:46 AM

Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!

as annoying as what FILs did, bottom line is: their your FH's parents. imho, even if they are a total nutcase, out of respect, i would still invite them.

you don't want to burn bridges - specially with family members on either the bride or grooms side.

Yankees2323 Posted: Nov 02, 2009 11:51 AM

Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!

christine.. what about letting them know in a nice way that its bridal party only but if they want to come there are more then welcomed to but had to pay for themselfs..?

soontobecruz Posted: Nov 02, 2009 11:57 AM

Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!

That is really tough... sorry you are dealing with this so close to your wedding. Now, although I see your father's point. I don't agree with him. I'm sorry, I think not inviting FH's parents to the rd, will surely come back at you at some point. BP should include all the parents. IMO if they are walking down the aisle, or taking any part in the events of the day, that makes them BP.

I am sure your Dad is just angry, try and convince him to let you and your FH pay for them. If they still won't let you, make sure to get your Dad an EXTRA special gift to thank them for picking up the tab on this unexpected expense.

mrsdraskin2009 Posted: Nov 02, 2009 12:03 PM

Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!

If it were me, I'd tell my parents in no uncertain terms that that I felt it was rude and immature, and then I would pay for it myself.

I know this is a tricky situation and I hope it works out for you

queensbride2010 Posted: Nov 02, 2009 12:14 PM

Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!

This is a sucky situation. But if FILs are just being cheap about it, couldn't FH talk to them and ask them to contribute a portion if not host the entire thing? Or how about they host it at their place and your parents do the food? This way its less expensive than going out and FILs are still part of it.

Hope everything works out

marinai7 Posted: Nov 02, 2009 12:18 PM

Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!

Sorry you are dealing with this. Maybe something happened that caused them to not be able to afford to pay for the RD. Aside from that, I would just invite them, it would be un-needed drama. Your parents will understand that you can't just not invite them. Hope it all works out. Good luck.

MikesBride2B Posted: Nov 02, 2009 12:22 PM

Re: Ok girls, I need some major advice here!!!!

I really get where you're coming from...but you've gotta invite them. After all the FSIL stuff that went down with me I swore up and down I didn't want her at the wedding, but I was vetoed on all sides...

I know it ***** to have to invite them but you don't want them ruining the big day.