So I have this bridesmaid (an old college roommate) who lives in California (originally from NJ), so it's usually really difficult for us to talk on the phone b/c of the time difference. We email back and forth a lot, but I want to actually talk with her. So we said that we were going to speak on the phone yesterday. Well she called me, and I happened to have company, so I told her I'd call her back. Ok, fine.
So, I call her back and I *think* she meant to put me through to voicemail, but she didn't. She picked up the phone and I heard her talking to whoever she was with. Now here's the kicker: She was talking about me, and the bridesmaid dress. I heard her saying to him 'oh it's my friend Laura, I'm in her wedding, she wants to talk about the dresses. They're nice (with kind of a weird tone), they're strapless, long, and.....she's italian, so she wants to put the crystal brooch on the side of it........'
So then he says: 'Oh, so it's pretty cheesy looking huh?'
And then she says: 'Well yea, but when you accept to be a bridesmaid, you kind of just do what you have to.'
And all this time, I'm screaming her name through the phone to get her to realize that I can hear this!!!!!!!!
So now I'm really bothered by this because: (1) W T F does me being italian have to do with anything, and (2) I wish she would've just told me how she felt.
Now I feel like I need to say something. FH doesn't think I should, but I feel like I need to or else it's going to continue to fester. But he feels that I'm risking the possibility of getting into a huge fight with her. My mom says I need to talk to her about it.
I called her back and just left a message (because this time it went to VM) saying 'Hey, it's me....I'm not sure what happened, if you accidentally hung up, or if we got disconnected, or if you meant to put me through to VM, but give me a call....'
So do I say something??? Let her know that what I heard (even though I wasn't really supposed to) is bothering me? Or do I just let it go?
NanandEric08
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Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)
I agree with the other girls. I would mention something to her about it so this way it doesnt build up. When you talk to her just tell her that you heard the conversation and you're not mad but more upset. I mean honestly, I have never loved any of the bridemaid dresses I have worn so her saying that when your a bridesmaid, you go along with it is kind of true. However, the Italian comment is rude. I am 100 percent Italian and I despise when people say things like that about other's backgrounds. Your BM dresses are beautiful and had nothing to do with being Italian.
Lsorrent
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Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)
Ali I appreciate every one of your comments. And no, I don't think you were mean at all.
Believe me, I joke about my ridiculously large italian wedding too, but I think the thing that got me was she wasn't laughing at all when I heard her. She was dead serious.
ourwedding9510
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Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)
I know personally when I asked my girls to be in my bridal party I know them and I know me. I feel as though I can turn to these girls and tell them what is bothering me and they should be able to do that same. If you let it fester you're just going to get more and more upset about it. I would talk to her. But proceed with caution. Don't just jump into it. When she calls back just tell her you heard what she said and just wanted her to tell you and not have to hear it that way. You can even stress that you're upset more about finding out this way then her talking to you about it in the first place. I think it'll be fine. If you're that close for her to be a BM, then she shouldn't really take it too hard. Besides the fact, she's the one who said something.
MrsHazel2B
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Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)
I know I'm a little late here but if she's also Italian, she couldn't have meant much by the Italian comment. I told one of my BMs on Saturday not to show up to my 'bridal meeting' on 'black people's time!' (2 hrs late, minimum)! We're all black so no offense there. As for the kinda cheesy comment, she's entitled not to like the dress or call it cheesy to her present company, but she also said she'd do what she had to do as a BM. That says alot about her character. She's still excited for you and wants to wear the dress for you! What good what it do to complain about the dress, especially with her being so far away? It sounds like she's not trying to upset you by letting you know she really does not care for the dress. It's just too bad you overheard the convo...
Alyssa79
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Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)
Posted by barbtony
I would say something - Its better to get it out in the open now then let it fester into something else.
ita!
dfw343
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Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)
that dress is soo not tacky at all and can be worn again...I wish I had a BM dress like that... and the brooch....seriously, how is that 'Italian'?
Maybe Italian cuz Europeans have style!!!
Has she opened magazines with actresses on red carpet lately???
Clover23
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Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)
You need to say something. Think of it this way. What if she says something a little 'off' but actually harmless, at some point closer to your wedding? If you havent' addressed this, you have the potential of exploding at her over something little later on.... jmo. I'm italian and i am NOT using brooches... does that mean i'm not really italian?? lol
pipermaru
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Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)
i'm definitely the type of person who would say something... that is so messed up. i can't stand when people talk about me behind my back. if she is close enough to be your bm then she should say how she feels to your face!
FutureCap
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Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)
the italian thing was just strange.... I am even insulted by that! i can totally understand why you are upset. I don't know if i would say anything... in some way i think we have all worn BM dresses we have not liked, just because they are not 'us'. Although alll my BM's say they like the dress, I am sure one or 2 are just being nice and and not all that in love with it.... but don't want to hurt my feelings. I am sure your dresses are beautiful and you are the one who has to be happy with them anyway!
grkbarbie
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Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)
i would tell her that u heard her..and she shoudl be more careful with her phone lol!!!
like make a joke about it.
i personally love the dress and the BROCH!!!!!! u know after the wedding she will be wearing that broch. let her talk shyt
summerbride20
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Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)
Did you talk to her yet? Tell us what happens...
From what you wrote, that you heard her say, I feel that yes, she was being honest, but also probably just talking a talk to whoever this guy is. I'm sure she is excited about being your BM and may not be head over heels with the dress but likes it enough to not put down your decision on it. She didn't sound malicious or even mean, except that Italian comment would bother me too. I hate when people say that. I am Italian and Jewish and I always hear people say weird things that to me never add up. What does your Italian heritage have to do with you taste in BM dresses and brooches? Nothing!! And I do think it is weird she didnt notice her phone accidentally picked up or that there was a call time on the call. Therefore, I would address her about it. Be honest, because if you hold it in it will only get worse. I would want to say that it was uncomfortable for you to hear that and if she was being honest to that guy, I would ask why she wasnt being honest with you... that part of a BM job is to be honest and help you make better more informed decisions, otherwise why would you be asking her in the first place. I don't know if any of this is making sense. I think you have the right to feel upset about this and I think you should talk it out, but I don't think it's anything to worry about beyond that or be angry about because it was a weird uncomfortable situation but it didn't seem rude or intentional so therefore, I would just discuss it so it can then be let go. Good Luck!!
KatieG2010
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Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)
What does you being italian have anything to do with anything!? I would totally say something. I would tell her if she doesn't like your Ginny-esque dress she can kiss you ginny coolo!!!!!
Mrs Z To Be
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Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)
I'm italian too.... My sis added one to my dress too...I guess I loved it because I am 100% italian.
Seriously though, I'm glad you have decided to speak with her about it. I am not one to let things go either, or it eats at me.
GL!
FutureCap
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Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)
p.s.... i just looked at your pics and i think the broche adds so much! delicate yet really brings it to a whole different level! very elegant!
MrsCM
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Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)
I'd definitely tell her that you heard what you said and you're a little hurt but it isn't like she was just trashing you, I don't think I'd make a huge deal out of it.
SummerBride10
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Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)
I would definatly tell her what you heard. If you don't then it will just bother you.
CarolAnn721
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Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)
I have nothing nice to say right now regarding your friend, so I will keep my mouth shut. As for you, I think, without a doubt, you should talk to her. I think she realized her phone was on, and that is why she didn't answer when you called back. AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I wanna scream at her for you. My temper is way too bad for that stuff.
TessMike621
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Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)
well i bought brooches for my bridesmaids...and i'm italian so i guess your bridesmaid is right lol....frig her she's hating
CloudNine
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Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)
hmm weird situation because if you say something she may just play it off and say she likes the dress just to appease you. she may just say she doesnt like the brooch.
even if she doesnt like it though..are you gonna change the dress? probably not so it doesnt really matter if she likes it or not cuz she has to wear it anyway.
i understand it may fester so you will feel better if you say something but i think whther you say something or not it will just all blow over and in the end shes wearing the dress
mariedsgn
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Re: Ok girls, need your advice (kinda long)
This is a hard one, I would most likely just let it go BUT if it is going to bother you, then you should say something - I would say it joking around because that's my personality.
