so my FH really dislikes 2 of my girlfriends for many reasons... as some of my other friends don't care about them to omuch either. He really doesn't want them in the bridal party at all. But these 2 girls were my best friends until their actions lately.. been just really messed up. So for our engagement party we got lots of checks and so once all the money was deposited and cleared we transferred money into our ING now 2 of those checks got returned so FH calls the bank cause we were charged for returned check and he asked the names on the check and of course as it would have it.. Its those 2 girls! He wants me to call them and go off on them about it cause one is claiming to be buying a brand new BMW and the other girl just bought herself brand new coach boots and 200.00 pair of jeans this past weekend that she was bragging to us about Saturday night!! I get embarrassed when I have to approach people and ask them money issues! What do I say?? How do I tell them?? And now he REALLY doesn't want them in the bridal party! He thinks they are just losers and this threw him over the edge!!
OK so the one girl called me back and told me just to hold on to the check and she will give me cash. I know that wont happen.. and just totally dropped the subject after I was asking her about it to tell me her ex boyfriend has a new girl and is bugging out.. she really doesnt care she screwed me! We'll just pay the fees and be done! I can't be bothered anymore!!!!
sugarkube4
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Re: ok how do I approach this??
it's a toughie.. I wouldn't rely on these to girls to come through as BM's.. so personally, I would nix the idea of having them in your bridal party.. you just don't want to get screwed last minute.. it's not fair to you, it's YOUR day!!
As for the money issue.. I don't know if I would be able to approach someone either about it.. Were the checks substancial amounts?? Maybe if you get ballsy enough you could be like, 'did you know your engagement party check bounced' and see what the response is.. it depends on how comfortable you are with these girls that you will be able to ask them.. it *****, I'm sorry, I wish I could give better advice!!
2Be1
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Re: ok how do I approach this??
Umm this is a tough one. First let me just say I would trust FH's judgement about the two ladies. I have had friends in the past who FH was not feeling and HE ended up being right about them and I ended up being hurt.
As for the money there is no way that they will not know that they bounced checks from their accounts. If you don't have the boldness to come out and say your checks bounced then I would wait until the information cleared with their accounts to see if they are considerate enough to mention it.
Oh and did they put the checks through once or twice? I am asking because sometimes it clears the second time around.
chrissyandvin
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Re: ok how do I approach this??
Thanks sweetie! They were each 100.00.. this is almost comical cause of course it had to be these 2 girls.. Who claim to have all this money! Yeah and about the bridal party my FH said the same thing... to just tell them I cant really rely on either of them!
kam0813
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Re: ok how do I approach this??
wow first of all...secondly... ...ok so this is a tough situation...maybe instead of having them in the bridal party you could have them do something else instead? like readings or hand out programs...that way they have a job at the wedding, won't feel left out, and won't be a major focus in the wedding where your FH or the other girls can get upset. or you can just be honest and tell them that you don't feel comfortable having them in the bridal party because of their actions lately and explain to them what those actions are.
as for the checks...approach them carefully...its a delicate situation...most people (i don't know these girls so i can't say how they're going to react) will get really especially after bragging about making such big purchases...you can tell them that this among whatever else they've done...has made you feel that they've become extremely unreliable and those reasons alone are why you can't ask them to be in your bridal party...being in a bridal party is a big responsibility and it doesn't seem that they're cut out for it..especially if they're going to make the rest of your BP AND your FH unhappy and tense..
just remember this is you and your FH's big day...the two of you have to be happy with everything first and foremost...these are going to be your memories...if those two girls are going to hinder your warm fuzzy memories i say no to being in the bridal party..
no matter what happens we're here for you! let us know how it goes!!
Love4Eva
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Re: ok how do I approach this??
This is really a tough one ... its not fair that they bounced the checks. You do have another chance to re-deposit it, and if you know when their pay-day is - maybe ddeposit it that day to ensure you getting the money.
I would def re-consider them being your BM's. Did you ask them to be your BM's already??
NinaChris07
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Re: ok how do I approach this??
I don't know what I would do abut the BP issue, but as for the checks, I would definitely say something and I dont' think its rude to do so...
You can just say, I am embarassed to bring this up, but do you know your checks bounced?
maybe then they will give cash or another check, bc I think they are rude for doing that!
laural2979
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Re: ok how do I approach this??
I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I have to agree with the rest of the posters that it probably is in your best interest not to have them in your BP.
I honestly don't know what I would do about the checks. It really depends on the kind of relationships that you have with them. If it was me, I would probably give them a call and casually mention it to them.
Good luck!
chrissyandvin
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Re: ok how do I approach this??
u guys are really great! Thanks for responding!! I think I should really use this to my advantage about the BP situation. I get very also when I need to approach things like that! A friend of mine had also said that they probably already know it bounced and they really should be calling you to let you know! I know the 2 of them will be discussing it today after I sent one of them the email. I just dont want to redeposit them until I know they have the money in there. FH wants me to ask them for the fees too! I just can do that!! I am hoping they just offer!!
chrissyandvin
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Re: ok how do I approach this??
I just called the other girl now and phewwwwwwwww I got the voicemail so I left her a message about it!! I was nice. I just told her that i got the fees and I just wanted to know if I could redeposit the check or hold off so I dont get charged again and she doesnt get charged. I will see what she says when she calls back.
Soon2BeMrsS
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Re: ok how do I approach this??
I think you handeled it well, it's always a hard situation... discussing money matters like this
Vicky423
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I think you handled it well, also. When it comes to the whole BP thing, I don't think they would be responsible enough to come through. I mean your MOH, and BM are supposed to help you run wedding errands, and help you with pretty much anything(including reducing the stress in your life), and these girls just added to your stress level so.
NinaChris07
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Re: ok how do I approach this??
Posted by chrissyandvin
I just called the other girl now and phewwwwwwwww I got the voicemail so I left her a message about it!! I was nice. I just told her that i got the fees and I just wanted to know if I could redeposit the check or hold off so I dont get charged again and she doesnt get charged. I will see what she says when she calls back.
I think that was a perfect way to say it...
Let us know what happens!
soon2bmrsdunn
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Re: ok how do I approach this??
I know how it feels when FH doesn't like someong in your bp. And it always seems the FH is right (aka girl who dropped out). As for the bounced checks. They will know it bounced. Their bank will send them a notice saying they had insufficent funds and that the check was not paid and they are being charged 'X' amount for the bounced check. I don't if you should say anything as they will know their mistake. Sorry I couldn't be of more help.
JazzyT
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Re: ok how do I approach this??
I would not have thses girls in your BP, I know you guys have been friends for a while but it sounds like you guys grew apart...you don't nned them around you and FH.
chrissyandvin
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Re: ok how do I approach this??
Posted by JazzyT
I would not have thses girls in your BP, I know you guys have been friends for a while but it sounds like you guys grew apart...you Don't nned them around you and FH.
yes. we grew apart because I got engaged and they are older then me and are pretty much just jealous that I am getting married before them. That's how everything started with them. It's a long story but I know who my real friends are and were happy I got engaged! My FH thinks they did this purposely! I sure hope that's not the case!
chrissyandvin
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Re: ok how do I approach this?? update here!!
update on top! some people just really dont care!
thelilacone
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At least you know who you're real friends are. good luck with everything. You're better off without friends like that.
Shannondon
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Its hard because you were friends with them but everytime you FH looks at the pictures from the wedding, if those two girls are in it, hes gonna be mad...It sounds like you guys grew apart...as for the checks I would definately say something.
NinaChris07
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Re: ok how do I approach this?? update here!!
Posted by chrissyandvin
update on top! some people just really dont care!
How rude!
And now its going to make you feel wierd to ask her again and remind her that to give you 100 bucks in cash.....
