Now Im pissed b/c I wrote forever, spilled my guts and its gone... Heres a summary... I cant take my FHs depression, I am totally depressed now that I cant make him happy. Am thinking to myself of calling off the wedding. I want to burst out crying and have noone to talk to. I can not handle anything lately. School, the wedding, FH, my son whos being a BRAT! Car troubles, work trouble.. How much can one person take!! I swear I am going to go insane :(
jesslangen
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Re: O.k. I am not writing this whole post over....
Im sorry to hear! Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Take a deep breath, and look at all of the positives going on. Relax and good luck!
If you need anything we are here for you!
SomethingBlu
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Re: O.k. I am not writing this whole post over....
Pray, breathe, ask God to help you.
No one can make us happy, we have to do that for ourselves. Ask God for the strength to deal with it...sorry you are going through a difficult time, please know that everything passes.
RedHead
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Re: O.k. I am not writing this whole post over....
If he is really depressed he needs help. I would try to get him to go see a therapist!
Sorry you have to deal with this. But people aren't perfect and life can be hard...If you love him, try to help him by getting him to see he needs couseling ! Depression is VERY hard to deal with! You can't do it by yourself...and you sholdn't take it personally that your love isn't enough to help him through this difficult time!
Hope all works out
amy&anthony
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Re: O.k. I am not writing this whole post over....
I really want him to see someone. He keeps talking about it and never goes... I know if I made an appointment for him he would be pissed. After these 3 firemen were killed he just is like a zombie... I cant handle it. I really cant... I have so much going on myself and when he talks to me about his feelings I listen, but thats all I can really do.. I cant force him to go. Every little noise annoys him. He gets so frustrated with my son. He just wants to leave the situation, which means anytime things arent perfect he goes to his moms house. What about when were living together?? Is he going to do the same thing? If he cant handle my son now, how is he going to live with us? I just dont know if I can do this :( I havent booked anything but the hall... Im afraid to move on with any planning :(
Latrice
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Re: O.k. I am not writing this whole post over....
I agree. Relax. Breathe. And look at everything that has to be done. Dont give up. We are all overwhelmed in our own ways. Take one day at a time. You have done so much in such little time. That is a HUGE accomplishment. Maybe you and Fh can take a small rbreak from all of the wedding planning. Even a week can make a difference. Spend time quality family time together and re-focus on what is really important - family and love.
If you Fh is seriously depressed, he may need to speak with a professional.
I empathize with you and remember you are blessed.
Hope that helps.
RedHead
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Re: O.k. I am not writing this whole post over....
Posted by amy&anthony
I really want him to see someone. He keeps talking about it and never goes... I know if I made an appointment for him he would be pissed. After these 3 firemen were killed he just is like a zombie... I cant handle it. I really cant... I have so much going on myself and when he talks to me about his feelings I listen, but thats all I can really do.. I cant force him to go. Every little noise annoys him. He gets so frustrated with my son. He just wants to leave the situation, which means anytime things arent perfect he goes to his moms house. What about when were living together?? Is he going to do the same thing? If he cant handle my son now, how is he going to live with us? I just dont know if I can do this :( I havent booked anything but the hall... Im afraid to move on with any planning :(
Maybe you should just put the wedding plans on hold until you are able to work these issues out...Not only does it DEFINATELY sound like he needs to see someone...It sounds like the both of you need to talk to someone as well! No you can't force him to go to see someone but if you say that you want to see a couples counselor maybe that will be a step in the right direction!
amy&anthony
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Re: O.k. I am not writing this whole post over....
I really dont think we need counseling. I honestly think HE needs it. I am stresssssed because I am dealing with too much at once (mainly 9 grad credits this semester & my thesis) But I dont have a choice...I LOVE him more than anything. I honestly do. I just dont think I can keep going on like this...
SomethingBlu
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Re: O.k. I am not writing this whole post over....
Posted by amy&anthony
I really dont think we need counseling. I honestly think HE needs it. I am stresssssed because I am dealing with too much at once (mainly 9 grad credits this semester & my thesis) But I dont have a choice...I LOVE him more than anything. I honestly do. I just dont think I can keep going on like this...
Going to couples counseling is a way to say 'I love you and will do whatever it takes to make this work'...like Octbride said, he might not be ready to go it alone, by you choosing to go with him you are saying (and showing) that there is NOTHING to be ashamed of. Seeking help is not a shameful thing, it is a brave and adult decision. It can do nothing but good...
Best wishes!
marc_rai
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Re: O.k. I am not writing this whole post over....
Posted by SomethingBlu
Posted by amy&anthony
I really dont think we need counseling. I honestly think HE needs it. I am stresssssed because I am dealing with too much at once (mainly 9 grad credits this semester & my thesis) But I dont have a choice...I LOVE him more than anything. I honestly do. I just dont think I can keep going on like this...
Going to couples counseling is a way to say 'I love you and will do whatever it takes to make this work'...like Octbride said, he might not be ready to go it alone, by you choosing to go with him you are saying (and showing) that there is NOTHING to be ashamed of. Seeking help is not a shameful thing, it is a brave and adult decision. It can do nothing but good...
Best wishes!
I agree. Try to take time to have a deep discussion with FH about your concerns and maybe if you go to couple counselling it would be easier for him. He sounds as if he is receptive to counselling, maybe he's just afraid to go. I understand how you feel. I'm also in graduate school, so it is a lot to handle and when you're doing research, you feel as if your job is never done. I just try to take one day at a time.
amy&anthony
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Re: O.k. I am not writing this whole post over....
Thanks girls..When I try to talk to him about counseling.. he says yeah I should go, but never does... When I bring that up he gets almost defensive and says, I told you I wasnt good enough for you.. etc.. Which is never what I said. :( He has been to a counselor before... He didnt think it helped and I dont know if it would either. I think he needs an antidepressant :( His family is very concerned about him also... I just dont know.. I would go to couples counseling but I know he doesnt want to talk about certain things in front of me.. There are things he doesnt want me to know, which I totally believe. He is a great guy but I dont think he realizes I am really at the end of my rope.. I really feel like Im going to have a heart attack.. I just feel like I have to cry..
ssbride05
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Re: O.k. I am not writing this whole post over....
I am sorry to hear that you are going through this.. take a deep breath and try to tackle on thing at a time.
Good luck and best wishes
BethGail
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Re: O.k. I am not writing this whole post over....
amy i am so sorry you have to go through this. we are here if you need us and want to talk about it more
SomethingBlu
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Re: O.k. I am not writing this whole post over....
Posted by amy&anthony
Thanks girls..When I try to talk to him about counseling.. he says yeah I should go, but never does... When I bring that up he gets almost defensive and says, I told you I wasnt good enough for you.. etc.. Which is never what I said. :( He has been to a counselor before... He didnt think it helped and I dont know if it would either. I think he needs an antidepressant :( His family is very concerned about him also... I just dont know.. I would go to couples counseling but I know he doesnt want to talk about certain things in front of me.. There are things he doesnt want me to know, which I totally believe. He is a great guy but I dont think he realizes I am really at the end of my rope.. I really feel like Im going to have a heart attack.. I just feel like I have to cry..
Amy, go ahead and cry - it actually helps!
I would go to couples counseling but I know he doesnt want to talk about certain things in front of me.. There are things he doesnt want me to know, which I totally believe.
That statement concerns me...you are marrying him, both of you should start building trust and communication and although it takes time, there should not be things that either of you feel 'cannot be discussed'...both of you need to be open otherwise trust will never build.
I am not a therapist, nor am I trying to be, I do think that both of you can benefit from counseling. You should not feel like you need to make him happy and he should not feel like he's not good enough for you or needs to keep certain things from you so that you can love him. He needs to show you the TRUE him now, before the wedding, because it's too late after.
I wish you the best!
LaurenRich
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Re: O.k. I am not writing this whole post over....
It's great that you have used this as a way to let out a lot of your emotions but do you have a close friend or family member you could confide in? Even though I agree that he needs to seek prof help to fully battle his emotions at this point, you also need someone....I mean if you've been his emotional stability then you should feel crazy and depressed yourself-it's one thing to work, another to take classes, then another to be gettting married and a complete other to have a child-this is a lot of pressure for anyone-and now that he has issues you two have a lot to deal with-take one day at a time and remember that it will all be better-maybe not the way you want or hope but it will get better. I wish you peace and rest.
amy&anthony
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Re: O.k. I am not writing this whole post over....
Somethingblu - I know what he needs to talk about, I dont want to discuss it on here, but its something I can understand he wouldnt want to get into much further with me...
Also the things he told me about 9/11 were so bad that I couldnt even fathom it before. Now unfortunately I know what I didnt know before. It was great that he got it off his chest, but it was so bad that I now carry part of it too... You KWIM? Some things just wont benefit me to know... I dont know how counselors deal with it all...
LaurenRich
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Re: O.k. I am not writing this whole post over....
That's what I mean about you having to deal with the things he deals with-whatever he unloaded to you is now a weight your dealing with-I had a situation like that where FH unloaded things to me-it weighed me down until I was able to talk to someone-if you can't talk to a friend for confidential reasons then I strongly suggest YOU see a counselor-they will have you invite him into a session and then maybe things will progress for you from there...good luck!
nov04LIbride
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Re: O.k. I am not writing this whole post over....
Awww First off, I do think you two should go to counseling together. It seems like he is dealing with frustrations by running away, and if he does that in marriage it won't last long. Also, it sounds like maybe he hasn't faced becoming a father figure to your son. Kids misbehave, and cry, and scream, and throw tantrums. Your son will always come first, and if he can't deal with your son when he is not in a great mood, that will really be hard on your relationship. Good luck, I would definitely talk things out more with him and with a counselor.
RedHead
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Re: O.k. I am not writing this whole post over....
Posted by amy&anthony
Somethingblu - I know what he needs to talk about, I dont want to discuss it on here, but its something I can understand he wouldnt want to get into much further with me...
Also the things he told me about 9/11 were so bad that I couldnt even fathom it before. Now unfortunately I know what I didnt know before. It was great that he got it off his chest, but it was so bad that I now carry part of it too... You KWIM? Some things just wont benefit me to know... I dont know how counselors deal with it all...
most people or legitimate psychiatrists make you see a therapist when prescribing anti-depressants...
There are actually trained psychologist who deal specifically with 9-11 vicitms/survivors..
And to be honest...taking anti-depresants WITHOUT any therapy is useless...People who use anti-depressants need therapy to deal with their issues and not be 100% dependant on a drug... Anti-depressants are only supposed to be a temporary solution.
IMO..nothing will change or things might get WORSE if he doesn't get some help!
RedHead
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Re: O.k. I am not writing this whole post over....
ETA...and after reading the things you have said, about his depression affecting you and your son...well in that sense you definately need counseling as a couple or on your own. A good therapist helps you deal with these situations... i just fear that if you or your FH don't talk to someone you will be worse off than you are now!
