O.k. I am not writing this whole post over....

Believe me, the next time I see him I will offer to go with him... But I KNOW he will say no. I will have to tell him how its really affecting me and us and Ill see what he says... He still has half his life to live.. How can someone deal with being sad forever? I just really think he will once again get defensive and I will cause a fight... but I need to tell him.

BTW - I did cry a bit, and then in front of my mom on accident... She gave me an early birthday present and I just unloaded on her... I'm glad now that she realizes Im having a tough time and wont be such a nag when it comes to laundry and stupid things for a while..

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Posted by amy&anthony

Believe me, the next time I see him I will offer to go with him... But I KNOW he will say no. I will have to tell him how its really affecting me and us and Ill see what he says... He still has half his life to live.. How can someone deal with being sad forever? I just really think he will once again get defensive and I will cause a fight... but I need to tell him.

BTW - I did cry a bit, and then in front of my mom on accident... She gave me an early birthday present and I just unloaded on her... I'm glad now that she realizes Im having a tough time and wont be such a nag when it comes to laundry and stupid things for a while..

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Aw Amy, I just want to hug you.

Crying is good - it's very therapeutic!

Oct is right, there are counselors that deal specifically with post 9/11 stress. I also saw some horrible things that day and my best friend's husband as well (although I'm sure nowhere near as bad as Anthony) and it does take time to get over it, but I urge you to help him find a good therapist. One that he feels will help...I know they are out there. And I agree that getting anti-depressants without therapy is not only futile, it's probably dangerous.

God bless!

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Posted by amy&anthony

Believe me, the next time I see him I will offer to go with him... But I KNOW he will say no. I will have to tell him how its really affecting me and us and Ill see what he says... He still has half his life to live.. How can someone deal with being sad forever? I just really think he will once again get defensive and I will cause a fight... but I need to tell him.

BTW - I did cry a bit, and then in front of my mom on accident... She gave me an early birthday present and I just unloaded on her... I'm glad now that she realizes Im having a tough time and wont be such a nag when it comes to laundry and stupid things for a while..

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Well i hope he has more than half a life to live
But that is the things with depression...it can turn someone completely helpless, making htem feel there is NOTHING that ANYONE can do that will help. But that just isn't true! That is why medication and therapy works sooo well. People HAVE to get past that stage for anything to work and taking the first step is the hardest!

GOOD LUCK!

You sohuld lean on your friends and family...You should talk to someone...Even you keeping all this to yourself will wear you down!

I am so sorry that you are going through this. My brother is on Cop and has a lot of trouble with the stress of his job too...his girlfriend says that it wears on their relationship. They tell him to just forget about it and move on...which I do NOT AGREE WITH AT ALL.

Cops and Firemen see so many horrible things that most of us could ever even imagine in our worst nightmares!!!

My heart goes out to you.

Well my mans a little bit older. Hes 36. It would be nice if he lived past 72, but who knows :)

BTW - he is now second due to the towers. They lost 14 in his firehouse where he is now. He also lost his probie etc.. I think the digging though is what affected him the most :(
If any of you have fireman DHs please dont mention this to them.. Its very embarrassing for the guys and it would cause more trouble Im sure.

I am sorry you're going through this hard time . . .
Stay strong sweetie.

Ok, I know how you feel....I just typed this lengthy reply and lost the whole thing!!! I'll try to be as elequont as I was the first time:

It is absolutely necessary that he goes to counseling. It is very difficult to deal with depression and as you are finding out not only does it consume the person who has it but everyone else around them. It is imperative that he seeks help because it is extremely difficult for those with depression to do it themselves.

When I think of marriage I think of trust, honesty, committment and communication. It's often putting the other person's needs ahead of your own. My opinion might be different if you didn't have a son involved. He is going to suffer through this and you need to protect him as best you can. As your wedding date is coming up VERY soon, I would definetly consider putting wedding plans on hold. Without outside help, things are only going to get worse before they get better.

I would sit down with FH and tell him that you love him and want to see him get better. Let him know that he need counselling which on a certain level he acknowledges. Tell him that you are making an appointment to see a counselor and that you will drive him there and sit through the first appointment. After that he can go alone and share all the things that he needs to.

You need to look at the situation as a whole. Don't jump into getting married and hope these things will 'work themselves out.' If you have a good firm knowledge of yourself, after a hard look at things, you will come to the right decision.

I wish you lots of luck and love....many hugs to you

I just wanted to tell you, to hang in there, make sure that he gets some help and most importantly rely on your faith and be strong.

It sounds like your Fh is suffering from PTSD. This can really interfere with someone's life, and it's very common among firemen and cops. Maybe read up on it and let him knwo he may be suffering from it.
Part of marriage is for better or for worse. We need to be strong for our men when they can't be strong for themselves, and in turn, they will do the same for us. Know that this is the situation right now, but just because things are tough, doesn't mean that they always will be. Many men have a hard time handling their emotions, especially depression. good luck!

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Posted by amy&anthony

I am happy to say that if I heard him right he already has an appointment. :) Lets hope and pray please... I lvoe him so much and everyone deserves happiness.

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Hang in there and remember that crap ALWAYS gets worse before it gets better!! BUT it does...and it will!!! GOOD LUCK!!!