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OK - I got him to Agree on...

SeptWed Posted:

OK - I got him to Agree on...

As you all know me and DH got invited to a Black Tie Sunday wedding at Oheka. My DH is friends with the father from work of the bride. We were going back and forth (okay fighting) about going (we have never met the daughter) and i was getting to the point of saying i am not going if you go out and rent a tuxedo (i have no long dresses and i am NOT going out to get one). Tonight we talked and after going back and forth (okay fighting) he finally agreed we would go and he would NOT wear a tuxedo.

HOWEVER...he said that if he was the only guy wearing a dark suit at this wedding he would walk out. I told him no way that would happen (from stories from this website).

Can anyone who has been to a 'black tie' wedding reaffirm my thoughts. I am going in a plain black dress (cocktail length) and him in a nice suit. I think we will be fine...anyone think that we are going to look stupid (and no i won't jump down anyones throat who thinks otherwise).
marymoon Posted:

Re: OLK - I got him to Agree on...

I think you're taking a chance. I've been to a lot of black tie weddings and it varied at some the people who wore short dresses and suis stuck out like a sore thumb at some it was a good portion of the crowd so they blended in. Since it's at Oheka, it might be a crowd that takes the black tie thing more seriously. I think you'll be ok thought as long as it's a black suit with a black tie and a dark colored moderate length dress. As long as you don't call attention to yourself I think generally you'll be ok...but the onoly sticking point for me is that it is at Oheka..

PegaLega Posted:

Re: OLK - I got him to Agree on...

I have to agree with marymoon-though it is the end of august...so maybe people wont want to wear long dresses...

Blu-ize Posted:

Re: OLK - I got him to Agree on...

I have to disagree. I think you will both be fine. A dark suit and a black cocktail dress is appropriate and I don't think you have a thing to worry about.

I would bet that he will not the be the only one in a suit. Black tie for a woman does not mean gown.
SeptWed Posted:

Re: OLK - I got him to Agree on...

I'm actually more worried for him then me. I don't care and he said two of the guys at work who are going are going in tuxs (they own them). He does not have a black suit but a dark one.

ERRR..i am so frustrated about this wedding.
melissaandsean Posted:

Re: OLK - I got him to Agree on...

Posted by marymoon

Since it's at Oheka, it might be a crowd that takes the black tie thing more seriously.


I agree. And I've always thought 'black-tie' meant very formal.

I found this -----

Black tie, formal, dressy casual and more!

Banish pre-party jitters about attire with our quick reference to dress codes for social events.

Black Tie means formal. Men wear tuxedos, women wear cocktail, long dresses or dressy evening separates.

White Tie means ultra-formal. Men wear full dress, with white tie, vest, shirt. Women wear long gowns.

Formal usually means the same as Black Tie, but in some trendier cities like New York or Los Angeles, it could mean a black shirt, no tie with a tux. Women wear cocktail, long dresses or dressy evening separates.

Ultra-formal means White Tie. Men wear full dress, with white tie, vest, shirt. Women wear long gowns.

Black Tie Optional means you have the option of wearing a tuxedo, but it should clue you into the formality of the event, meaning a dark suit and tie would be your other option.
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Black Tie Invited means you have the option of wearing a tuxedo, but it should clue you into the formality of the event, meaning a dark suit and tie would be your other option. Women wear cocktail, long dresses or dressy evening separates.

Creative Black Tie leaves room for trendy interpretations of formal wear. He can go more modern with a tux -- maybe a black shirt, no tie. She wears long or short dresses or evening separates (maybe a long lace or sequined skirt with a sleek cashmere sweater).

Semi-formal is the trickiest of all dress codes. Usually it means that tuxes are not required, nor are long dresses. An evening wedding (after 6 PM) would still dictate dark suits for him, and a cocktail dress for her. Daytime semi-formal events mean a suit for him and an appropriate short dress or dressy suit for her.

Cocktail Attire means short, elegant dresses for her and dark suits for him.

Dressy Casual usually means no jeans or shorts. Similar to business casual, but a tad dressier.

Casual generally means anything goes.

Informal can mean the same as casual. However, when associated with a wedding or other special event, some form of decorum and good taste should prevail. A dress for her or a nice pair of slacks and shirt for him are informal, but respectful of the event.
LFitzy79 Posted:

Re: OLK - I got him to Agree on...

I tend to agree that you might stick out a bit....because it's at Oheka, people might take black tie more seriously.

eta: If two guys from work are wearing tuxes, and this is his co-workers daughters wedding, than he should probably wear a tux, so as not to be 'talked' about.....
LIBrideinBWI Posted:

Re: OK - I got him to Agree on...

The cocktail dress is appropriate- why not let him rent a tux?

M&S Sept12006 Posted:

Re: OK - I got him to Agree on...

You wear tuxedos to a 'white tie' party...so I think...I believe 'black tie' simply means 'formal' meaning suit (pref black and tie)...for ladies it means a dress or a suit...

Emma2-22 Posted:

Re: OK - I got him to Agree on...

eta: If two guys from work are wearing tuxes, and this is his co-workers daughters wedding, than he should probably wear a tux, so as not to be 'talked' about.....


I think he is better off renting the tux since you know you will be fine in a cocktail dress.
Blu-ize Posted:

Re: OK - I got him to Agree on...

I still think you will be fine with him in a suit.

darlene Posted:

Re: OK - I got him to Agree on...

Posted by Emma2-22

eta: If two guys from work are wearing tuxes, and this is his co-workers daughters wedding, than he should probably wear a tux, so as not to be 'talked' about.....


I think he is better off renting the tux since you know you will be fine in a cocktail dress.


I have to agree with this...I think you'll be ok in a cocktail dress, but I think he should rent a tux. IMO, if it was my wedding at Oheka Castle and I said 'black tie' not 'black tie optional/preferred,' then I would expect every man in a tux.
DayBeforeThanksgiving Posted:

Re: OK - I got him to Agree on...

Yes, let him rent the tux and you wear your cocktail dress.

BHW Posted:

Re: OK - I got him to Agree on...

Posted by darlene

Posted by Emma2-22

eta: If two guys from work are wearing tuxes, and this is his co-workers daughters wedding, than he should probably wear a tux, so as not to be 'talked' about.....


I think he is better off renting the tux since you know you will be fine in a cocktail dress.


I have to agree with this...I think you'll be ok in a cocktail dress, but I think he should rent a tux. IMO, if it was my wedding at Oheka Castle and I said 'black tie' not 'black tie optional/preferred,' then I would expect every man in a tux.


I agree. I think he needs to rent a tux especially since his co-workers are wearing them. He may feel out of place in a suit. Since it's at Oheka Castle, more people will be inclined to follow the black tie request.
curliegirl Posted:

Re: OK - I got him to Agree on...

Posted by M&S Sept292006

You wear tuxedos to a 'white tie' party...so I think...I believe 'black tie' simply means 'formal' meaning suit (pref black and tie)...for ladies it means a dress or a suit...


Actually, black tie means tux and formal dresses, white tie is above that.

If the invite says 'black tie preferred' then he could get away with a dark suit and tie, nothing flashy. If it says just 'black tie', I would get him a tux.
charityhope Posted:

Re: OK - I got him to Agree on...

A cocktail dress is perfectly appropriate, but he still needs the tux. Some men won't wear one, but you don't want his co-workers and their SO's thinking of your man as 'that guy' who didn't bother to honor the bride's request.

kaklesmay Posted:

Re: OK - I got him to Agree on...

YOU WILL BE FINE!

I went to a black tie event recently and everyone was dressed nicely but not all tuxedos and long black dresses.

Nobody will care what your wearing anyway. Its all about the BRIDE!!
wendyz06 Posted:

Re: OK - I got him to Agree on...

I went to a black tie wedding and my FH didn't want to rent a tux and he ended up wearing a suit buy bought a vest and a bow tie thingy at century 21 and honestly NO ONE NOTICED! Renting a tux would have been a waste.

diamondgrlie Posted:

Re: OK - I got him to Agree on...

I dont think anyone will notice but I dont think its proper either. Black tie is black tie... tuxes are expected especially at a place like Oheka. JMHO

SomethingBlu Posted:

Re: OK - I got him to Agree on...

Posted by kaklesmay

YOU WILL BE FINE!

I went to a black tie event recently and everyone was dressed nicely but not all tuxedos and long black dresses.

Nobody will care what your wearing anyway. Its all about the BRIDE!!


I agree with this! Unless you are seriously sticking out (which it doesn't sound like it to me) you will be fine and will blend in.

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