my good friend flat out married an alcoholic, she knew it but thought she could fix him...
He is the life of the party but has MEGA issues..
Soooo she found receipts in his pocket from taking a 'female friend' to lunch because she broke up with her boyfriend!!! ah....she said NO way...
anywho fast forward to a recent football game FH was going to with Mike and guess who shows up with him 'the home wrecker'
ah....he is seeing her on the side and now I know I feel so bad for my friend she is having a hard time right now with him, her mom who is ill and job issues....
so my question is
SHOULD SHE KNOW....
Toucan311
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I always say to STAY out of it, but if you think she must know, then I'd somehow let her know anonymously, b/c believe me... there are many times when the woman will NOT believe you, and will then turn against you...
Future Mulligan
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maybe you can just mention that this woman was at the football game.....let her ask her husband the rest.....do you know for sure that he is cheating?
MrsHtobe
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If its YOUR good friend - yes, she should. If it was FH's friend's wife - I probably wouldn't. . .just because I would not see it as my place.
She might resent you in the beginning, but eventually she will be appreciative that she had a friend that was brave enough to be honest
So sorry you (and her) are going through this.
jcslady
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Posted by Future Mulligan
maybe you can just mention that this woman was at the football game.....let her ask her husband the rest.....do you know for sure that he is cheating?
from what FH tells me he sees her a lot...so not 100% sure but sounds like it.
emomma17
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OMG wow, my stomach just sank reading this. Yea I believe she should know and probably deep down inside she does know but needed something like this to actually believe it. If you are her friend, and this were me, I would hope that you would come to me and tell me so that I could stop waisting my life, mourn and heal. This is just my opinion...I am one of those, cheat once and there is no forgiving.
jennarose023
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stay out of it...as much as you might want to say something, and i know i would want to also, don't get yourself involved! you don't know all the details and you don't want to ruin your friendship for being the one that broke up their marriage! unless you walk in on them humping...you don't really have the evidence to tell her...it never works out good...hth
OMG ... I totally feel where your coming from ... you dont want to be the bearer of bad news, especially because she's going trough a lot right now, or the so called 'Rat', but you would want someone to tell you if this was happening to you!! Is she your friend or did you meet her through FH ?? because then that might cause drama between FH and his friend which then might lead to you and FH arguing .. it's a hard decision but I would probably tell FH that I was going to tell her to see what he would say first, because your relationship with your FH is more important. I hope this helps
Future Mulligan
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Posted by jcslady
Posted by Future Mulligan
maybe you can just mention that this woman was at the football game.....let her ask her husband the rest.....do you know for sure that he is cheating?
from what FH tells me he sees her a lot...so not 100% sure but sounds like it.
well even if he isnt physically cheating (like no kissing, touching, sex) i still dont think its right to be hanging out another woman and keeping it a secret from your wife....thats shady....so maybe you can say something like, 'oh remember when you found the receipt from when your husband went out with so and so, well he was with her again at the football game - did you know that he was hanging out with her again?' and then maybe take it from there you dont want to accuse him of cheating but at the same time i think you should let her know that he's hanging out with another woman so she can talk to him about it and she can come to her own conclusions...
Espo22
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this is so hard, and although i think a woman should know sometimes they can take it out on you that you told them, this happened to me OR if she forgives him and stays with him she still can resent knowing and then it becomes an awkward situation if you said something and she stays with him.
I once found out somebodies bf was cheating, all her friends told me not to bother telling her bc she wont believe it and he can say whatever and she'll believe him. SO i didnt say anything but 2 months later someone else did, and she turned around saying that i am probably just making it up so i can break them up, i dont know why she thought i was trying to do that but whatever. I HATE being the one who caught someone cheating, in this situation they called me on 3 way and he tried to ask me questions about this to TRY and prove me wrong but i just proved my point. THen she kept trying to call me and it became a circus. Just remember this will keep you involved
Ive also seen a situation where a friend told someone that her bf was cheating and she stayed with him but you could tell that she wish she never knew and resented it a bit. Not only that bc now the bf never wanted to be around the friend and caused problems.
If you want her to know, maybe get the word out to her somehow that this girl was at the party. Somehow i think it might get to her if this idiot showed up at a party with her
Wifeynella
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that's sooo hard. if it were me, i'd stay out of it. at the same time i'd stay away from this guy too simply because i'd say something to him.
my ex's friend was cheating on his g/f who i actually didn't car for to begin with but i still didnt think it was right. i told my ex i didn't want to be around his friend anymore. when one day the friend and the 'other woman' came out with us and i flat out said to him infront of her 'i cant be around lying, cheating scum.' and walked away.
i didnt get involved but at the same time i wasn't going to stand for it either.
wifetobe
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Posted by MrsHtobe
If its YOUR good friend - yes, she should. If it was FH's friend's wife - I probably wouldn't. . .just because I would not see it as my place.
She might resent you in the beginning, but eventually she will be appreciative that she had a friend that was brave enough to be honest
So sorry you (and her) are going through this.
ITA
futuremrsfab
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such a terrible situation and I have been on both sides- I have been the girl that caught the guy- we are no longer friends because I told her,.
and then I have been the one that was cheated on & when that friend told me, I wasnt ready to hear it or admit it- but I was glad that she told me- EVENTUALLY- but it took a while for me to get there- i think i was more mortified that I didnt know & everyone else did. that same friend actually introduced me to FH- so hows that for a turn of events lol
but anyway, I would say if she is your friend first- then tell her- if you know her through fh's friendship with her husband then stay out of it.
good luck whatever you decide to do.
Mici n KC
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Posted by jcslady
Posted by Future Mulligan
maybe you can just mention that this woman was at the football game.....let her ask her husband the rest.....do you know for sure that he is cheating?
from what FH tells me he sees her a lot...so not 100% sure but sounds like it.
Since you don't know for sure, you can't say he's cheating. Yes, it is wrong that he is spending time with her and I think what Nicole mentions above is the right way to go about it if you are going to say something at all. You don't know all the details. She may know this woman was there. So your best bet is to stay out of it.
jcslady
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I will probably not say anything but it really ***** knowing that she is being hurt and has no idea.... i guess what comes around goes around
Maria31
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Posted by MrsHtobe
If its YOUR good friend - yes, she should. If it was FH's friend's wife - I probably wouldn't. . .just because I would not see it as my place.
She might resent you in the beginning, but eventually she will be appreciative that she had a friend that was brave enough to be honest
So sorry you (and her) are going through this.
I totally agree...
If she is your good friend, TELL HER. Put yourself in her shoes.. would you want to know? I know I would...
Kerin2804
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Personally I would want you to tell me. How would it play out if later on when your friend finds out about this and that you knew.
lizzie217
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OMG I feel sick reading this ...your FH was there and he was socialzing with your FH & this other woman? Did he know FH would be there? If so I would share bc if she finds out she will know your FH KNEW ANYWAY! What a nerve of him to bring the 'home wrecker' out with your FH...its not like you caught him out somewhere he knew your FH would be there!
LuvMyAlfonse
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As hard as it would be - if my good friend knew and didn't tell me, I'd be heartbroken by both people. Tell her.
JessesGirl
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OMG TELL HER!!!!!!!! I know you don't want yourself involved but I think she deserves to know. It would make me sick to know something like this and not say anything and watch her throw her life away. JMHO
