ok religious question....

soontobecruz Posted: Mar 07, 2009 08:20 AM

ok religious question....

So here's my thing.....

the Church FH and I booked for the wedding is beautiful we love it the Pastor is so nice and really we felt very comfortable wth him.

The thing is he said they like to do a full Mass. I think it is nice and if we have to do it fine. We booked them and said no problem but the more I am thinking about it I really only want to do just the ceremony. We are getting marriend in a Lutheran Church and only 4 other people there are Lutheran (if anyone doesn't know it is very very simlar to catholic), everyone else there will be Catholic, or Baptist. So I know they will not accept communion in a Lutheran Church, of course they will participate but the long and short of it is... I don't really want it. Is it totally rude to tell the Pastor I don't want a full ceremony? If he tells me they ONLY do a mass then whatever we'll do it. I just feel awkward like I am putting them down or something.

What does everyone think?

mosh424 Posted: Mar 07, 2009 08:24 AM

Re: ok religious question....

No I don't think you would offend the Church this is your wedding and a lot of people only have a ceremony....I would stress it

JillandJoe Posted: Mar 07, 2009 08:26 AM

Re: ok religious question....

its your day, tell him u don't want it! He shuoldn't make you, your the one making the 'donation' to the church

JoanneAndJustin Posted: Mar 07, 2009 08:28 AM

Re: ok religious question....

You're not putting anyone down. They don't have to take communion if they don't want to. Although, if I remember correctly the Catholics CAN if they'd like.

My friends are from all different backgrounds. I've been to full Lutheran masses, weddings in temples... the whole bit. Out of respect for my friends, and their wedding day I go, and I'm happy to do so.

I haven't met too many people who are 'uncomfortable' and 'wouldn't like to attend'. If you want to switch to the ceremony because it will make YOU feel better (i.e., one less thing to stress over), then go ahead, but it's not necessary.

soontobecruz Posted: Mar 07, 2009 08:30 AM

Re: ok religious question....

Maybe I wrote is confusing. I am not worried about offending my guests. And they can take communion or not, whatever they want.

I am worried about offending the church. They said a mass is what they like to do, and I don't want it. I don't want to offend the Pastor

JoanneAndJustin Posted: Mar 07, 2009 08:34 AM

Re: ok religious question....

Then tell him.

Be nice about it, but direct 'We'd really like a ceremony rather than a full mass, how can you accommodate us?'
You can talk about the religious makeup of your guests, or a strict time-line for the day, etc.

You can't get what you want without asking for it.

rocketsummer17 Posted: Mar 07, 2009 08:34 AM

Re: ok religious question....

The church is there to help you on your 'spiritual path to marraige' (thats how it was worded to me last I talked to my priest...) in whatever way you see fit...If you really want just the cermony tell the priest and if he really gives you a hard time about it then maybe try going to FH's church or just dealing with the mass. This is your wedding day and people cant make you do something you dont want....

NYYankeeGirl72 Posted: Mar 07, 2009 08:45 AM

Re: ok religious question....

If you really want to do the ceremony only, then just do that. You shouldn't feel pressured to do a full mass.

Lsorrent Posted: Mar 07, 2009 11:51 AM

Re: ok religious question....

I would just explain to them that your guests are all of different religions and you don't feel comfortable doing a full mass.

FH and I are getting married in a Catholic church. I'm Catholic, FH is Episcopalian. We're only doing a ceremony. My church is fine with it, FMIL on the other hand doesn't like it. We've explained to her that it just doesn't make sense for us to do a full mass b/c half the guests are Catholic and half are Episcopal. In a catholic church, only catholics (and there are limitations there too) are allowed to receive communion. So FH's entire family, including FH, would not be able to receive communion. In addition, my parents are divorced, my sister has been divorced, so none of them are allowed to receive. It would just be absolutely ridiculous.

Besides I feel that if people want to go to church for mass, they'll go on their own. I don't need to force them to go just because it's my wedding.

RitasEngaged Posted: Mar 07, 2009 11:56 AM

Re: ok religious question....

Posted by mosh424

No I don't think you would offend the Church this is your wedding and a lot of people only have a ceremony....I would stress it

ITA

futureMrsJSL Posted: Mar 07, 2009 12:15 PM

Re: ok religious question....

They gave us a choice at our church since FH is Catholic and I am not. We are getting married at his church and it will be considered an interfaith ceremony. However, the majority of the guest at our wedding will be Catholic, so we have not decided if we will have a mass or not but at least they gave us the choice. I would talk with them and see if you could have the ceremony without the mass as an option

deanna225 Posted: Mar 07, 2009 01:05 PM

Re: ok religious question....

Posted by NYYankeeGirl72

If you really want to do the ceremony only, then just do that. You shouldn't feel pressured to do a full mass.

i agree

Jenna_and_John Posted: Mar 07, 2009 01:47 PM

Re: ok religious question....

Definitely just tell him, my priest asked us so I'm sure it won't be that shocking. Don't feel pressured like the above poster stated, it should be fine. If anything make up some story about timing and how you need it to be shorter lol.