O.k. this is a horrible question I know...

Original post by amy&anthony

Feb 11, 2005 05:43 PM

but I need to know.. I know I cant expect it and I know its not set in stone, I know there are exceptions, but on average...

If I have 175 guests (100 invitations) how much do you think I will get back in cash after the fact? Im thinking I can keep the wedding at about $17,000. I need to know whats going to happen afterwards...

ssdbk Posted: Feb 11, 2005 06:58 PM

Re: O.k. this is a horrible question I know...

On the one hand, FH often gives $350 or more a wedding. On the other hand, we are not relying on anything at all. We are planning our wedding as if there will be no gifts, then all of the gifts will be an added benefit, probably for home repairs. It is not easy to plan the wedding this way but we do not want to rely on gifts that might never come.

You are getting a great deal at Jericho Terrace, but nothing is a great deal if it is over your head. Have you talked to JT about scaling back? Maybe you can offer less food, less of a cocktail hour, a different drink selection, whatever.

prncssrachel Posted: Feb 11, 2005 07:09 PM

Re: O.k. this is a horrible question I know...

Planning your wedding based on what you MIGHT get back from guests is like gambling away your money because you MIGHT win. Now, if you are spending the money on a wedding so you can have your wedding and enjoy it, then it's another story. I would honestly expect to get NOTHING. I really would. That doesn't mean you shouldn't plan your wedding or that I am not hoping to get some cash for my wedding, but I really would just get this thought out of your head because you cannot possibly use the information anyone else gives you as a basis for comparison. The best I can tell you is that you will get money. How much, can't possibly tell ya.

Moehick Posted: Feb 11, 2005 07:12 PM

Re: O.k. this is a horrible question I know...

Our gifts averaged at $300 per couple or more! People were Extremely generous at our wedding. We had no one who didn't give a gift and only 3 people who were from out of state that gave 'below average' gifts.

I don't know if it was the fact that we had a lot of people (40) from Ireland but they were very generous...probably because they get so much $$$ for their euro!

amy&anthony Posted: Feb 11, 2005 07:17 PM

Re: O.k. this is a horrible question I know...

$2,000 is a DJ and music for the ceremony.

Jenn070206 Posted: Feb 11, 2005 07:26 PM

Re: O.k. this is a horrible question I know...

isn't that a little high for a DJ??

amy&anthony Posted: Feb 11, 2005 07:28 PM

Re: O.k. this is a horrible question I know...

Alrighty girls... I have to be honest.. I wasnt so sure I wanted to post this question because I had an idea my words would be twisted and I think they were...

Like I said, I am not banking on anything.. I am not inviting people and hoping for more gifts or that they would cover my plate. My FH and I make plenty of $$, but I was just WONDERING about how much we would eventually be spending on our wedding.. knowing there is no ONE answer.

I just wanted an average of what people give. Like I stated before I know there are exceptions and the only children comng are in my bridal party. I NEVER EVER intended for the guests to pay for my wedding and am a bit insulted that some people took my question that way...

How many of you NEVER wondered what you might get back?? Honestly? Never ever crossed your mind?

My main thing is I want everyone to have a great time and witness two people TOTALLY in love get married... Thats it. If they didnt give me a dime I would never complain... I was just wondering.

amy&anthony Posted: Feb 11, 2005 07:30 PM

Re: O.k. this is a horrible question I know...

Im getting married at the JT (my uncle is a minister) We are paying for ceremony music and cocktail hour and a DJ. I was considering using a DJ for cocktail hour too. Nothing set in stone yet.

marymoon Posted: Feb 11, 2005 07:34 PM

Re: O.k. this is a horrible question I know...

I don't think anyone took it that way. I think everyone understood, of course you want to know, but it's SO unpredictable, and with all of the talk about trying to make the wedding less expensive, we were just saying don't say 'it;s ok to spend this much because I'll at least get $xxx back on gifts'...it's better not to think of it at all...also because then iy will be a pleasant surrpise!

Goldi1021 Posted: Feb 11, 2005 07:37 PM

Re: O.k. this is a horrible question I know...

I was told that the rule of thumb for gifting is to give what you think they paid for per person. I never follow that rule because there are many factors that may or may not jack up the price per head such as type of food, Saturday vs. Sunday, winter vs. spring etc. If I go to a wedding of a close friend alone with no date, I give $125-$150. Not such a good friend? $100. If I go as a couple, I give $250. And I always send a gift even if I cannot go.

girlygrl33 Posted: Feb 11, 2005 08:02 PM

Re: O.k. this is a horrible question I know...

Posted by oct.2004bride

2000 entertainment?
if that is a DJ you should be able to get a better price than that!!!

I agree Im paying way less for CH hour music, reception, photo montage and giveaways. and for 2 1 mc and 1 dj

palebride Posted: Feb 11, 2005 08:02 PM

Re: O.k. this is a horrible question I know...

i think we averaged about $150 a head...our guests were VERY generous...and we got a good portion back of what we paid....
but it is unpredictable.....
i think if you can manage a Long Island wedding for under $20,000, you will be good to go.
Don't forget about the photographer....I dont' think I saw that on any of your lists of things to pay for

ssdbk Posted: Feb 11, 2005 08:15 PM

Re: O.k. this is a horrible question I know...

Sorry if you thought I was taking your question the wrong way.....I answered the way I did just as my way of telling you the $$ of some gifts I have seen given and to tell you not to set yourself up to be dissappointed. You are right by the way--everyone at least THINKS about what they might get back as gifts.

I think you can do better on a DJ price.

I think you can do JT if y ou work on your expenses and if that is what you and FH decide you want.

JodiBabe Posted: Feb 11, 2005 08:24 PM

Re: O.k. this is a horrible question I know...

Posted by amy&anthony

How many of you NEVER wondered what you might get back?? Honestly? Never ever crossed your mind?

HONESTLY......No I NEVER did, NOT ONCE!!!!!!! All I cared was that I was marrying the man of my dreams and I was having the wedding that WE wanted!!!!

Latrice Posted: Feb 11, 2005 08:39 PM

Re: O.k. this is a horrible question I know...

Posted by marymoon

I don't think anyone took it that way. I think everyone understood, of course you want to know, but it's SO unpredictable, and with all of the talk about trying to make the wedding less expensive, we were just saying don't say 'it;s ok to spend this much because I'll at least get $xxx back on gifts'

I agree.

RedHead Posted: Feb 11, 2005 08:51 PM

Re: O.k. this is a horrible question I know...

ok...one sec....
If you were asking just out of curiosity about how much you would be making...why do you NEED TO KNOW....
And why would it be contingent on whether you are goign to have your wedding at JT or not?

By saying this you are implying that you are hoping that the amount you make on your wedding covers some costs of it?!

THIS IS WHY I ANSWERED THE WAY THAT I DID....

If it was just out of idle curiousity...how much the average person made well then what does possibly having to cancel your wedding at JT have to do with anything?

You have confused me

coxmandi Posted: Feb 11, 2005 09:15 PM

Re: O.k. this is a horrible question I know...

Also consider how many OOT guests you will have. Down here in VA people show up to the wedding with presents and big gifts off the registry or not. Bringing $$$ is not the norm.

germai68 Posted: Feb 12, 2005 12:53 AM

Re: O.k. this is a horrible question I know...

I noticed that you posted about getting bulk roses for your bouqets and such, just be aware that most of the time when you order roses in bulk they come with thorns still in them and you have to dethorn them all before using them.

Also, you can totally get a better deal for the DJ. Check out Variety Music. They gave me a great deal.

Another way to save $$$ is making your own invitations. It is going to cost my FH and I about $150.00 plus postage to make ours which is sooo much cheaper than getting them made.

Back to flowers, totally look into making your own centerpieces as well. This can be simple and save you lots of money. onlinewholesaleflowers.com is a great website to check out.

Good Luck and I hope you get to keep your wedding at JT.

JimmysBride Posted: Feb 12, 2005 01:09 AM

Re: O.k. this is a horrible question I know...

I don't know if you were referring to my reply as one of the ones that twisted your question but just in case, I want to clarify my reply. I'm sorry if I insulted you with my reply because I did sort of take your post to mean that you were looking to see if it was possible that you could cover most or all of your wedding expenses with the gifts. The only reason I thought that was because of your previous posts saying that part of the reason you might have to back out of JT was because of the costs of the wedding.

I, myself, didn't think you were trying to get your guests to pay for the wedding, I just thought you were throwing it out there as a hypothetical... so I answered in a hypothetical... of course we've all (okay, *almost* all) have wondered how much we'd get in gifts. Not for the sake of covering the expenses of our weddings, just out of pure curiousity.

This is always a tough question to ask on these boards because people often take it the wrong way.

So... now to try and properly answer your original post... I would normally try to guess (or maybe even try to find out) approx how much the couple was paying per head and try to give at least that and then a little more. I would give more depending on how close I was to the couple. I know some people don't agree with that, but that's usually what I do. So typically I give anywhere from $100 - $200 for me alone, more if I attend w/DH, of course.

That's me. How much do I think YOU would get back... it's really so hard to say... if almost everyone gave like me, you'd probably get a around $17,000 (doing the math). But I had 180 guests and didn't get that much in gifts. But maybe your families are better off than ours were or maybe more generous LOL! Best I can do is I can take a shot in the dark and say that you'll probably get at least $9,000 in gifts. *shrug*

beautyq115 Posted: Feb 12, 2005 05:41 AM

Re: O.k. this is a horrible question I know...

I was asking my Mom the same question and she said not to count on it...some people are extremely generous and some are sooooo cheap.....My Mom said when she got married (30 years ago though) she got $10,,,a 5 and 5 singles stuffed in a card!

amy&anthony Posted: Feb 12, 2005 06:58 AM

Re: O.k. this is a horrible question I know...

Thank you girls for your replies

I can definately pay for my wedding. I was just wondering about the outcome... Just because... I still dont know what I am going to do,.. JT or not...

If you know cheaper and good DJs FM them to me :) Thanks

Also, if anyone made their own centerpieces can you post them or FM me?

My room is the dome room, so I knwo I 'should' have a high centerpiece but I know at least my family will not care, or notice..

I guess Im just feeling a little wierd b/c FH side of the family has $$ $$
and mine totally doesnt.. I grew up with none and I wouldnt consider myself well off. I guess I kinda wanted to impress them yes Im ashamed in a way that I was even thinking that way....

Im just going to go as cheap as possible but in a classy way. Cut corners where people wont notice..