OKAY GIRLS ANOTHER FH ANSWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So - a week ago (sorry it took so long) a specific question was sent to me for Bryan to answer -- Here we go ![]()
Original question ...
OK so my Q: why a lot of girls (including me) go bridezilla for their
wedding? I mean girls that usually didn't care about any 'girlie' stuff:
color coordination, cute matches/napkins/cake toppers or what have you, go
insane?
I would like to see a man's perspective on it. taking me as an example: I cared about everything to the point of insanity
(actually having a nervous breakdown over place cards) AND at the wedding I
kept getting irrationally angry and pizzed at ppl at a drop of a hat (there
was a problem and I yelled so hard I turned red and kept threatening everyone and everything LOL)
FH answer -----
My deepest apologies for the long-awaited answer to your question. For the
record, my excuse is that work is torturously busy, and it is. Off the
record, I was also grappling with which question to answer: why do brides
go bridezilla or what is the FH perspective? It's been suggested to me
that they are intertwined, though I don't think so. But my FW tells me
that your question is concerning the latter, so I will try to answer that
question. If it turns out you really wanted me to answer the first
question, then I can do that too, and it won't take a week.
Any reasonably intelligent FH knows that there is a lot that goes into
planning a wedding, and that the FW carries most of the load. As a result,
the FW gets stressed out, and it's our job to keep her sane and roll with
the punches. Secretly, we think this is a bit unfair because if we had to
plan the wedding, we would do so with about 90% less bells and whistles.
Most FHs could do without ice sculptures and imported flowers, so sometimes
it seems hard to swallow that you are so stressed out about the intricate
details that we feel we never signed up for.
But in fact, that's exactly what we signed up for. When we proposed, we
signed up for the whole thing. So we keep this in mind throughout the
process because we know that 1) you're doing the lionshare of the work and
we appreciate that, 2) we will enjoy the fruit of most of the hard work
you're putting into it (except the ice sculptures), and 3) you're getting
enough BS from everyone else and we want to be your refuge from all the
other drama. A good FH knows all of this and so we go along with stuff
that really seems counterintuitive to us because it means a lot to you (and
us, yes, but what's the ratio of women to men on LIW) and we know you're
going through an arduous stressful process.
But our patience is not limitless. All men have a point where we would
think or say, 'She's going too far.' It's hard to say where that line is
for any FH, but for me it basically boils down to abusing your power. We
cede control of the wedding because we know it's very important to you and
it's a one-time thing and we want to see you happy. But if I thought that
my FW was aware of this power and using it to get her way, that would be a
huge issue. I think that's what's so ugly about Bridezillas, both the
people and the show. You see these women stamp around as if the entire
point of getting married is to mercilessly throw your weight around. 'This
is MY day, and I want it MY way.' It's a just a hideous way to conduct
yourself and a bad omen for a marriage.
In summation, our perspective is that we're okay with you getting stressed
out or yelling or wanting things a very, very specific way. We know that
you have a lot on your plate and, even if we don't understand the
rationale, we accept that you have a vision for your wedding and you don't
want to be disappointed. But if you ever find yourself enjoying barking
orders at scurrying waiters or relishing the opportunity to boss around
your bridesmaids or stamping your feet just because you can, then you may
have crossed over from bride to bridezilla. There's an ocean of difference
between yelling because you're losing control and yelling because you're
abusing control.
And you're probably the only one who really knows where you land on the
spectrum. Well, unless you have a very perceptive FH, in which case, you
might want to ask him how he felt about it. The horse is out of the barn,
to a large degree, but it may be useful information in case you ever have
to do it again.
Original question ...
OK so my Q: why a lot of girls (including me) go bridezilla for their
wedding? I mean girls that usually didn't care about any 'girlie' stuff:
color coordination, cute matches/napkins/cake toppers or what have you, go
insane?
I would like to see a man's perspective on it. taking me as an example: I cared about everything to the point of insanity
(actually having a nervous breakdown over place cards) AND at the wedding I
kept getting irrationally angry and pizzed at ppl at a drop of a hat (there
was a problem and I yelled so hard I turned red and kept threatening everyone and everything LOL)
FH answer -----
My deepest apologies for the long-awaited answer to your question. For the
record, my excuse is that work is torturously busy, and it is. Off the
record, I was also grappling with which question to answer: why do brides
go bridezilla or what is the FH perspective? It's been suggested to me
that they are intertwined, though I don't think so. But my FW tells me
that your question is concerning the latter, so I will try to answer that
question. If it turns out you really wanted me to answer the first
question, then I can do that too, and it won't take a week.
Any reasonably intelligent FH knows that there is a lot that goes into
planning a wedding, and that the FW carries most of the load. As a result,
the FW gets stressed out, and it's our job to keep her sane and roll with
the punches. Secretly, we think this is a bit unfair because if we had to
plan the wedding, we would do so with about 90% less bells and whistles.
Most FHs could do without ice sculptures and imported flowers, so sometimes
it seems hard to swallow that you are so stressed out about the intricate
details that we feel we never signed up for.
But in fact, that's exactly what we signed up for. When we proposed, we
signed up for the whole thing. So we keep this in mind throughout the
process because we know that 1) you're doing the lionshare of the work and
we appreciate that, 2) we will enjoy the fruit of most of the hard work
you're putting into it (except the ice sculptures), and 3) you're getting
enough BS from everyone else and we want to be your refuge from all the
other drama. A good FH knows all of this and so we go along with stuff
that really seems counterintuitive to us because it means a lot to you (and
us, yes, but what's the ratio of women to men on LIW) and we know you're
going through an arduous stressful process.
But our patience is not limitless. All men have a point where we would
think or say, 'She's going too far.' It's hard to say where that line is
for any FH, but for me it basically boils down to abusing your power. We
cede control of the wedding because we know it's very important to you and
it's a one-time thing and we want to see you happy. But if I thought that
my FW was aware of this power and using it to get her way, that would be a
huge issue. I think that's what's so ugly about Bridezillas, both the
people and the show. You see these women stamp around as if the entire
point of getting married is to mercilessly throw your weight around. 'This
is MY day, and I want it MY way.' It's a just a hideous way to conduct
yourself and a bad omen for a marriage.
In summation, our perspective is that we're okay with you getting stressed
out or yelling or wanting things a very, very specific way. We know that
you have a lot on your plate and, even if we don't understand the
rationale, we accept that you have a vision for your wedding and you don't
want to be disappointed. But if you ever find yourself enjoying barking
orders at scurrying waiters or relishing the opportunity to boss around
your bridesmaids or stamping your feet just because you can, then you may
have crossed over from bride to bridezilla. There's an ocean of difference
between yelling because you're losing control and yelling because you're
abusing control.
And you're probably the only one who really knows where you land on the
spectrum. Well, unless you have a very perceptive FH, in which case, you
might want to ask him how he felt about it. The horse is out of the barn,
to a large degree, but it may be useful information in case you ever have
to do it again.
