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Michael Jackson In Washington; Wants To Legalize 'Jesus Juice' For Kids
National News
Wednesday, March 31, 2004
TheDailyFarce.com - Marcelo Lewin
Michael Jackson met in the Capitol Hill Building today with Ohio Democratic Representative, Jane Jackson, to talk about legalizing what he calls 'Jesus Juice'.
'It is ridiculous that you can't give good wholesome Jesus Juice to kids.' stated Michael Jackson in a press conference, 'That is why I'm here today speaking with Congress to see how we can go about changing this law.'
Michael Jackson has been charged with seven felony counts of committing lewd or lascivious acts with a child under 14 and two counts of giving the child an intoxicating agent. This intoxicating agent, also called Jesus Juice by Michael Jackson, is red wine, which, he allegedly gave to minors.
'In France, kids 5 years old are drinking wine with their macaroni and cheese.' Stated Michael Jackson in a televised press conference surrounded by members of the Congressional Black Caucus; 'We need to change the laws here to allow people like me, who enjoy being with young boys, to offer them Jesus Juice, the holiest of the wines!'
We asked Jane Jackson if she is aware of the charges against Michael Jackson and if so, why is she giving an accused alleged child molester such a warm welcome.
'Look, if we would not welcome people that break the law,' stated Jane Jackson, 'then most of us working here would not be allowed in this building. None-the-less, Michael Jackson, whether he is guilty or not, is a super start and we love having super starts here to generate some buzz around Congress. It gets kind of boring dealing with the same thing on a daily basis. Besides. How can he be guilty? He is such a good singer and dancer! There is no way he can be guilty of those charges!'
'We are here to support Michael Jackson's new proposal', stated the Reverend Jesse Jackson, 'This is a man that has been set up and entrapped by the white institutions of America. Jesus wine is a great idea. To make my position clear, let me reiterate that the stipulation, while emancipating the erecting of this man's life, has no direct linkage to the postulation of the constipation while he is menstruating.'
Michael Jackson is also asking Congress to drop the legal age from 18 years to 8 years, at least for boys.
Around The Web
- CNN - Voice Of America
National News
Wednesday, March 31, 2004
TheDailyFarce.com - Marcelo Lewin
Michael Jackson met in the Capitol Hill Building today with Ohio Democratic Representative, Jane Jackson, to talk about legalizing what he calls 'Jesus Juice'.
'It is ridiculous that you can't give good wholesome Jesus Juice to kids.' stated Michael Jackson in a press conference, 'That is why I'm here today speaking with Congress to see how we can go about changing this law.'
Michael Jackson has been charged with seven felony counts of committing lewd or lascivious acts with a child under 14 and two counts of giving the child an intoxicating agent. This intoxicating agent, also called Jesus Juice by Michael Jackson, is red wine, which, he allegedly gave to minors.
'In France, kids 5 years old are drinking wine with their macaroni and cheese.' Stated Michael Jackson in a televised press conference surrounded by members of the Congressional Black Caucus; 'We need to change the laws here to allow people like me, who enjoy being with young boys, to offer them Jesus Juice, the holiest of the wines!'
We asked Jane Jackson if she is aware of the charges against Michael Jackson and if so, why is she giving an accused alleged child molester such a warm welcome.
'Look, if we would not welcome people that break the law,' stated Jane Jackson, 'then most of us working here would not be allowed in this building. None-the-less, Michael Jackson, whether he is guilty or not, is a super start and we love having super starts here to generate some buzz around Congress. It gets kind of boring dealing with the same thing on a daily basis. Besides. How can he be guilty? He is such a good singer and dancer! There is no way he can be guilty of those charges!'
'We are here to support Michael Jackson's new proposal', stated the Reverend Jesse Jackson, 'This is a man that has been set up and entrapped by the white institutions of America. Jesus wine is a great idea. To make my position clear, let me reiterate that the stipulation, while emancipating the erecting of this man's life, has no direct linkage to the postulation of the constipation while he is menstruating.'
Michael Jackson is also asking Congress to drop the legal age from 18 years to 8 years, at least for boys.
Around The Web
- CNN - Voice Of America
