OMG, girls- I need help! I am so upset- just got home after spending like half the day tearing up. Here is the story: I have been engaged for almost a year, the wedding is in September. In December of 2002, MIL jumped quickly to get her dress. Before I even got my stuff together, she told me she had selected a mint green gown to wear to the wedding. I thought Mint green, okay, not my first choice- but I'm too wimpy to say anything to her. All I could stammer out was 'as long as you look good in it, it doesn't clash with the bm dresses, and it isn't white, anything will be fine'. Well, I start asking her for a swatch for months after she orders it and today, she pulls it out and the d a m n dress is white!!!!! F- in White!!!! Whiter than my dress!!!! with a little mint green in it- so faint. I couldn't even speak or say anything about the dress. We get in the car to go home from their house and as soon as we pull out of the driveway, I start hysterically crying to my fi- how could she, how could the store sell a mint white dress to the MOG without suggesting I be consulted first. Girls, It is awful. Even my FI started tearing up in the car.... I could see him wiping his eyes. He said he wished she had went a little darker and this, is from her son who always jumps to her defense. He's a little mama's boy. She is normally so nice to me, is there a therapist out there who could decode her behavior? How could she do this? Am I over reacting or what?
swags1016
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Re: OMG, MIL IS WEARING WHITE!!!! HELP!
You are NOT overreacting!! I am sorry that she did that
Your FI needs to tell her NO! You are NOT wearing that dress!!!!
butterfly20
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Re: OMG, MIL IS WEARING WHITE!!!! HELP!
soooooooooooo sorrrrrrrrrrry You definately need to talk to her, and level with her, offer to go out with her to the stores and look at other dresses, tell her that her dress is even whiter than yours, maybe they could dye her dress another color? Perhaps she was looking for a little attention...
huggggggggs to you
palebride
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Re: OMG, MIL IS WEARING WHITE!!!! HELP!
I would suggest taking a day or two to think about what to say to her and then talking to her when you're calm. Explain to her why it makes you upset and see if you two can strike up a compromise of some sort. She obviously knew she did something wrong becuse she seems to have been really deceptive about the whole dress issue from the start - and there is no mistaking green for white - none! I would say take a day or two to calm down though - nothing can be resolved when you're this upset. And worse case scenario - she wears a white dress to the wedding and everyone will think she's a terrible person when they see her! Good luck.
ThongLori
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Re: OMG, MIL IS WEARING WHITE!!!! HELP!
maybe she is absolutely completely clueless. if you dont feel comfortable approaching her about it, can FH say something to her?
avesur
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Re: OMG, MIL IS WEARING WHITE!!!! HELP!
Since your FI knows that you are so hurt, and himself is hurt by this, may be there is a chance that he talks to her and gets her into getting other dress. I hope everything works out for yout guys!
butterfly20
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Re: OMG, MIL IS WEARING WHITE!!!! HELP!
avesur has a good point... you said your fiance was even upset over it, it might sound better him tellinger her...I have seen pictures where there is another lady in white standing next to the bride and it really is distracting in the pictures, so if she can change the dress, that would be good..
OCT1203
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Re: OMG, MIL IS WEARING WHITE!!!! HELP!
I would kill her!!! Would you like me to arrange that for you? Really I don't know what to tell you because I would honestly friggin kill her! The nerve of her!
EvenEdan
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Re: OMG, MIL IS WEARING WHITE!!!! HELP!
Maybe when you see the whole dress it will look mintier. Sometimes, it is hard to tell from just a swatch. AND if it does look white in person, don't even sweat it!! She is the one who is going to look ridiculous! She truly will make herself look like a miserable, spotlight stealing, insecure biatch!! People will look at her and seriously think she has issues! I know I would!
mlp924
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Re: OMG, MIL IS WEARING WHITE!!!! HELP!
OMG I thought I had heard it all but this takes the cake. Sorry
lorimari
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Re: OMG, MIL IS WEARING WHITE!!!! HELP!
I agree with EvanEden - she is going to look stupid. I wouldn't bother saying anything - let her look stupid and you can sit back and laugh.
Remember - no one cares what the mom's wear - its ALL about you and FH!!!!!!!!!!
Julybaby
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Re: OMG, MIL IS WEARING WHITE!!!! HELP!
I agree with the advice above. Take a day or two to calm down. If you are comfortable talking to her, then talk to her about possibly changing colors. However, if it's too late to change colors (and I realize your wedding is in about two months), I would let it go. You will be in a wedding dress! You are going to look gorgeous. You will in no way be competing with your FMIL. I have to say though, I'm a bit surprised that she would pick a dress that is white - most people know that the bride is the only person at the wedding to be wearing all white. I don't think with her wearing white will take anything away from your day - if anything, your guests may wonder why your FMIL is wearing white.
prncssrachel
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Re: OMG, MIL IS WEARING WHITE!!!! HELP!
I have to be honest here, I have seen MOBs and MOGs at various weddings that have worn white. I, personally, have always commented on how tacky it is, but I can honeslty say it has NEVER taken away from the bride. Never. I would be furious as well, and knowing myself, would make a wise a$$ remark to my FMIL if she did this, but at the end of the day, it would make no difference. Clueless people are clueless. I am going to assume she did not do this maliciously, so I would just go with the advice above and let her look like the fool, which she will.
Helene718
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Re: OMG, MIL IS WEARING WHITE!!!! HELP!
I think the advice to take a few days is very good advice. My opinion, for what it's worth, is that she really is clueless. Now, is this her first child getting married? This may seem like a stretch, but could she not have known that this is a major faux pas? You say she is normally really nice to you. Could she not have known? My FMIL had no idea she shouldn't wear white until I made it very clear to her. Some people are just clueless.
I think you should talk to her about it, but if the dress is ordered, she may not be able to change it. If she is cluelss, she'll probably be really embarassed and want to get something new anyway.
Now, this is not to say you have no right to be angry. If it were me, i would be spitting nails! However, I have been to more than one wedding in which the mother of the groom wore a white dress and let me tell you, they were the one's who looked absolutely rediculous! No one is going to take away from your day. As long as it is not some fancy ballgown style wedding dress, everyone will know who the bride is. I hope this helps in some way. If you want, I can call her and give her a little talking to. I hope it works out for you!
butterfly20
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Re: OMG, MIL IS WEARING WHITE!!!! HELP!
sept20... after reading the rest of the responses.. i really like the idea of letter her keep the dress... let her friends notice her wearing it.. it definately wont be looked on as a reflection of you... plus then you dont have to break the news to the mother
aliciahelene
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Re: OMG, MIL IS WEARING WHITE!!!! HELP!
Im editing this to say that she must just be very clueless!!. But the truth of the matter is..YOU ARE THE BRIDE..there is no way anyone can out do you..no way..so let her wear her white dress..there is no possible way she will look even close to how you will be looking...people may not even notice her dress is white..I have been to many weddings and I couldnt tell ya what anyone wore but the bride..so if you dont feel comfortable telling her to change her dress..Id just let her wear the dress/BUT..I think you or fi should tell her...she may feel like a real AS#$# and apologize and it may make this situation better..if you dont tell her ..will you resent her?.you have a whole lifetime with her as your MIL.. so you have to think about the extent that this bothers you~Sorry this is happening to you!!
julybride444
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Re: OMG, MIL IS WEARING WHITE!!!! HELP!
If it were me, I wouldn't worry too much. She's got to be years older than you, her dress will be nothing like yours, and you'll be beautiful, so I don't think it really matters. I'm sure she wasn't buying the dress to upset you, she probably just liked it.
I certainly didn't ask my FMIL or my mom to consult me before buying dresses, I let them pick whatever they wanted (and my mom is wearing mint green, which does clash with my bridal party, and my FMIL is wearing black to my daytime wedding, but I don't care as long as they are both comfortable and happy).
Edited to add that hurting someone's feelings over the color of their dress, especially FMIL, might not be worth it.
Niecey
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Re: OMG, MIL IS WEARING WHITE!!!! HELP!
I know this is very upsetting and I too would be upset. But like those above said maybe when the whole dress is together it will look more mint green. If you are really concerned, I would or I would have DH casually say to her that this swatch looks almost white - are you sure this dress is green because if it is white I would kind of be upset. If not let it go...
You are a beautiful girl and will be a beautiful bride! Don't let her get you down! no one will over-shadow you on your day!
sept20yay!
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Re: OMG, MIL IS WEARING WHITE!!!! HELP!
I read all the responses and all I can say is, thank you guys so much! I felt so bad going off on FH's mother to him (I try really hard not to do that) but I couldn't wait to get on here and ask you guys. I just selfishly i know really don't feel comfortable with her wearing a very near white gown. The contrast on my dress is going to be so near hers if we stand next to each other. I agree with everyone who said she is clueless- first child getting married. She has always been really nice to me, but what bothers me is that the store didn't even think to say, hey this color is a near white color. Maybe we should think to ask the bride about it. B/C as we brides know, wedding dresses don't only come in white. They come in ivory, candlelight ivory, and white. FH was like, why did you get ivory last night. You should have gotten a white dress. I was like, what were the chances we would be having this conversation? You wouldn't have been able to tell the difference had your mom decided to wear a gown lighter than mine. Thanks guys- I needed to vent. Still don't know what to do. Maybe I will take a few days and think about it.
niecey- thanks for your kind words
Jess2
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Re: OMG, MIL IS WEARING WHITE!!!! HELP!
My FMIL (who has been driving me completely crazy lately) asked me what color she should wear last night over dinner. I told her any color she wants as long as it is not white. (By the way, she wore a white dress to my FBIL's wedding and I know she wants to wear it again to my wedding). She then asked 'what about light beige?' Hello?! Nope, you CANNOT WEAR THAT DRESS LADY! So I said very calmly 'I would prefer you not.' Ugh. So, I sort of understand what you are going through. I think it is time that you and your FI be upfront with your FMIL (in a nice way of course) and let her know you understood that her dress would be green, not white. Good luck!
