One less BM :(

How old is she? I could understand her actions coming from someone in their younger 20's who might not know how things usually go in a wedding, and that this is all reasonable.

In any case, you're handling it well, I think you said all the right things. Sorry you're having trouble with her. She might look back later and regret her actions.

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Posted by Lana and Johan

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Posted by SoonToBeMrsFox

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Posted by JLWSJC

Being all brides, we tend to look at this only from a bride's perspective.

Is there a legit reason she might be having more money trouble than your other bm's?

I mean, if she can't do it, she' can't do it... whether she can help it or not. If her reasons are legit, give her the option. Tell her, I understand how expensive it is to be a BM, and I also understand how a person may not realize that before they're in the middle of it. Then tell her you won't be hurt and you'll understand if she can't do it, and you won't be mad but you need to know.

IF it's not legit and she's just being difficult because of jealousy or whatever, then you don't have to be as nice about it. But try to consider where her complaints are coming from first.

And if this isn't someone you're close enough to approach about this she probably shouldn't have been a bm to begin with...

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well said!

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I totally agree with you and gave her that option. I am not forcing her to be a BM and will totally understand if she can't afford it. Everyone's situation is different and I respect that. All I ask is for honesty and courtesy. Don't tell me you will be a BM and let me down at the end u know?

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i totally agree with you.

from your posts, it seems like you are being very understanding and have been trying to work with her.

after reading the whole story, it seems like she is just being difficult and that's the last thing you need to deal with. it also bothers me that she hasn't gotten back to you.

i'm sorry you're dealing with this. i think you know what you have to do

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Posted by quirkybride

How old is she? I could understand her actions coming from someone in their younger 20's who might not know how things usually go in a wedding, and that this is all reasonable.

In any case, you're handling it well, I think you said all the right things. Sorry you're having trouble with her. She might look back later and regret her actions.

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She is 28 years old. If she was 20, in college and not working, I would understand as well. She also suggested I RENT my dress!!!! To each his own I guess :(

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Posted by Lana and Johan

It saddens me to say that you are right. She is a hard person to work with sometimes. From the color of the dresses, to the length to the make, it has been an issue. She should be lucky that I didn't say this is the dress and that's it! I tried to be accommodating, but there is so much I can do. She asked me if I was buying the dresses. Um, NO! I know some girls do that, but I don't have the money to be buying 5 dresses for the girls.

I also had an issue when I told her that I was getting ready at Fox Hollow the day of the wedding instead of brooklyn because I wanted to avoid traffic, rushing, and worrying. I told her I got a suite and wouldn't mind if the girls wanted to stay the night before so they too can get ready with ease....Her first question was how many girls. I said 4 and I said there was plenty of room and we could get a fold out or something and her next comment which hurt me a lot was 'I don't feel like contributing'. DID I ASK U TOO? I simply made a suggestion for you so that u didn't have to shlep all the way to LI the day of.

I am giving her some time to get back to me, but right now I am so upset :(

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Now she is just being rude....SHE DOESNT FEEL LIKE CONTRIBUTING....REALLY. Why would she say that and why would she say it like that. Wow i would be so upset also and dont even know if i would want her at my wedding. Maybe you should just cut her loose right now and save yourself all of this aggrevation

I am going to send her an email and explain all I said on here and see what she says...

If no reply...one less BM I guess. Better now than later

Yep... Out...
Better NOW than later....
She is giving U too much stress.... and U dont need that!

I wrote her a letter:
Good Morning,

I am sorry we kept talking via text this weekend, but I guess our schedules are crazy now...lol.

I just wanted to email you since we keep missing each other and you can't really explain everything via text.

When I asked you to be my BM, I chose you because of our history as friends for the past 10 years and wanted some of my closest and longest friends to be there with me on my special day.

I don't want you to feel like I was pressuring you to say yes or accept. I completely understand that everyone's budgets are different and the situations vary. I am sorry that you feel I am bugging you with my questions, but I am sure when it is your special day, you will want everything to be perfect as well and won't want any glitches.

I came to you this week in sincerity to ask you if you felt like I was asking you for too much. I understand you said you can't afford much and I have been trying to find a cheaper dress for you, but unfortunately after calling a few stores, the dresses are all similar in price. I tried to look into other makes, but they are all the same. There are many dresses to choose from in Bari Jay. I chose the brand because of it's variety, the colors and price. My only thing was that I wanted all the girls in the same color, same designer, same length. The styles were all up to you guys. Why the same designer? Well coral in one store is pink in another and orange in another.

If you feel that the dresses are too much for you and the expenses of being a BM is too much, please just be honest and let me know. I will not be upset or angry (sad maybe). I will understand and still would love for you to come as a guest. I just need to know so I know what I am counting on in the wedding as far as bridal party is concerned.

Thanks and I hope to hear from you soon.

XOXO
Lana

I'm having the same exact issue...just add in a MOB and MOH that's now fighting with my BM over mthe money issue and it's exactly the drama I'm dealing with

(((HUGS))) Eveything will be okay.

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Posted by kitten422

I'm having the same exact issue...just add in a MOB and MOH that's now fighting with my BM over mthe money issue and it's exactly the drama I'm dealing with

(((HUGS))) Eveything will be okay.

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Oh no, we dont need this stress. I hope it passes. This is supposed to be a special time for us !!!

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Posted by Lana and Johan

It saddens me to say that you are right. She is a hard person to work with sometimes. From the color of the dresses, to the length to the make, it has been an issue. She should be lucky that I didn't say this is the dress and that's it! I tried to be accommodating, but there is so much I can do. She asked me if I was buying the dresses. Um, NO! I know some girls do that, but I don't have the money to be buying 5 dresses for the girls.

I also had an issue when I told her that I was getting ready at Fox Hollow the day of the wedding instead of brooklyn because I wanted to avoid traffic, rushing, and worrying. I told her I got a suite and wouldn't mind if the girls wanted to stay the night before so they too can get ready with ease....Her first question was how many girls. I said 4 and I said there was plenty of room and we could get a fold out or something and her next comment which hurt me a lot was 'I don't feel like contributing'. DID I ASK U TOO? I simply made a suggestion for you so that u didn't have to shlep all the way to LI the day of.

I am giving her some time to get back to me, but right now I am so upset :(

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Oh, she is so out!!!!!!!!!!!! She would just suck all the happiness out of you on your wedding day, who wants that?????????