Brides Helping Brides ™ - Opininon on engagement parties.

KarenB Posted: Dec 08, 2003 11:58 AM

Opininon on engagement parties.

I personally do not believe in engagement parties. I think guests give enough w/shower and wedding presents. I feel e parties are fine as long as you write on the invitation no gifts please. I am wondering if I am alone in this opinion. FYI- I didn't have an e party as we couldn't afford to throw one. If I did I would of put no gifts please.

BMD'sPeanut Posted: Dec 08, 2003 12:03 PM

Re: Opininon on engagement parties.

I had one though I hadn't really wanted one for that reason exactly. To me they say: 'Give me money'
I wanted to have an intimate dinner to celebrate our engagement, but 45 people turned into over a hundred when certain people got their hands on the guest list. Oh well.

mich Posted: Dec 08, 2003 12:08 PM

Re: Opininon on engagement parties.

we opted not to have an engagement party either though my parents offered to throw one.

RedHead Posted: Dec 08, 2003 12:08 PM

Re: Opininon on engagement parties.

I had a small, intimate family e party and it was fabulous.
Yes we did get gifts but it was not expected or implied.
Ours was more of 2 families meeting party.

KarenB Posted: Dec 08, 2003 12:11 PM

Re: Opininon on engagement parties.

My parent's offered to throw us one too. BUT, my MOM wouldn't put no gifts. She said I want you go get gifts. I said people give enough so we had no party. We did get gifts from family & some friends. Our families met over the summer at a b-bque my future in laws threw and it was fun.

Xelindrya Posted: Dec 08, 2003 12:12 PM

Re: Opininon on engagement parties.

I guess we had an E-party.
We were visiting family in San Antonio when Jim popped the question. Since my dad, mom, most of my siblings and my MOH were there, Jim & I took us all out to dinner at Cheesecake factory. It was more like 'whoohoo, we're engaged' sorta thing.

We had no gifts, didn't expect any. Never heard of that kind of engagement party till I got here. THe ones i've seen are almost as big as the wedding and make no sense to me.

We aren't having a bridal shower either. No Bach parties so basically our only gift giving time is the wedding. *shrug*

I see no problem with that. Here's a question, do people EXPECT them?

AliKing Posted: Dec 08, 2003 12:21 PM

Re: Opininon on engagement parties.

We had one! It was so much fun and I dont regret doing it AT ALL. The point was not to ask our guests for $ or gifts, it was to celebrate our engagement with our family and close friends. I think they are great!

Jordan Posted: Dec 08, 2003 12:22 PM

Re: Opininon on engagement parties.

We didn't want an e-party but apparently that didn't matter to my stepmom & dad. So we finally talked them down to an intimate dinner - just us, our siblings and parents (which winds up being about 18 people). My sister couldn't fly up for it so I invited my best friend. And our small dinner turned into dinner at Tavern on the Green.

But it was lovely and even though we spread through word-of-mouth that we didn't want gifts...we got them anyway.

JimmysBride Posted: Dec 08, 2003 12:32 PM

Re: Opininon on engagement parties.

I wanted to have an E-party and I think they are great when they are used for their true purpose-- to have the two families meet and celebrate your engagement. FH and I both have large close knit families, and it was really important to me to have the two families meet to see how well they would get along especially since FH and I are from different cultures. I didn't want as a big a to-do as my mom made out of my e-party but we did write 'Best Wishes Only' on our invites. We still got gifts which was good and bad, I guess. I felt bad b/c I felt kind of like I made people think they had to bring gifts. I would've been happy with Saturday night cocktail party at the house but mom wouldn't hear of it. Oh well. It was alot of fun and it was great seeing the two families together for the first time, and it got everyone excited about our wedding. The purpose of e-parties is not to receive gifts but I'm not 'opposed' to them just because they invite gifts.

Rob-luvs-me Posted: Dec 08, 2003 12:45 PM

Re: Opininon on engagement parties.

If you are going by etiquette you are not required to bring a gift to an e-party - it is rude to mention giving OR NOT giving gifts because it presumes you expect one when one is NOT required to give one.

We did have an e-party that my parents threw it was small only about 30 people - close family and friends (basically wedding party and about 5 others) We didn't get gifts from a number of people and that was perfectly cool! In fact one of our BM's gave us a really cool gift that she made - she wrote us a special poem and framed it for us - it was probably one of the best things we got.

I know some people have e-parties as fundraisers - but we wanted a quiet luncheon to simply celebrate with the people closest to us. It is hard to get many family members together and FFIL and FSMIL had not met our parents before so this was an opportunity for my family to meet most of his. We were very glad we did so - and many of our guests wanted to know we didn't do it sooner.

I know people will disagree with me - but I think whether it is a bad thing to have one of not depends on the sprit of the party. Some people have mini weddings - that is their thing - it is not mine - I wanted something intimate.

Maybe you could consider something very informal - like a bbq around the summer holidays to just get everyone together.

Kelly9904 Posted: Dec 08, 2003 12:46 PM

Re: Opininon on engagement parties.

I refused to have an e-party. First I feel that e-parties unless you specify no gifts are had in order to get gifts. JMO I celebrated my engagment with my friends & family at separate dinners or nights out and no one was obligated to give a gift. I felt those who wanted to give a gift would whether we had a party or not and I was right our family has been so generous I cant believe it!

My second reason was that we are not having a long engagement 11 months and I felt it really was too much to have an e-party a shower and a weddign in that amount of time.

Personally I only go to eparties if I am very close to the person or in the wedding because its just too much of an expense with the shower and wedding! JMO though!

ETA: no matter what the ettiquite says I cant imagine going to a eparty without of gift, that to me is more rude.

My cousin who is an event planner, said at her last job people used to put on invitations 'your presence is presents enough' I would have done that personally

Nora101004 Posted: Dec 08, 2003 12:49 PM

Re: Opininon on engagement parties.

We had a backyard summer e-party, caterered by the local pizza place. All the neighbors brought their outdoor furniture. We did get a lot of nice stuff, but it wasn't the reason for the party. Per Emily Post, you don't need to bring a present to an e-party. Have you already announced your engagement? If not, you can invite people for a party and then surprise them with the announcement,

ChristineC68 Posted: Dec 08, 2003 01:01 PM

Re: Opininon on engagement parties.

I love the idea of engagment parties. To celebrate making a big turn in your life with the people you love the most seems reasonable. Even more so with engagements being so long now a days, you almost want to do something right away.

I think they should be reasonably close to when you get engaged and less formal then the wedding.

ETA that I like the line 'your presence is presents enough'. IMO, it should really be about the announcement.

larryswife2be Posted: Dec 08, 2003 01:47 PM

Re: Opininon on engagement parties.

We had an engagement party, and are very thankful we did. Getting a few extra dollars helped, but most of all, our family memebers who didn't know eachother got the chance to mingle and get acquainted. I wouldn't change it for anything.

nsgraham Posted: Dec 08, 2003 01:49 PM

Re: Opininon on engagement parties.

I had a very small engagement party - although with my family it was huge anyway - but my FMIL threw it and it was a great way to have the families meet, which was very important as they really hadn't before.

We got gifts, but I was surprised as anyone - I had no idea we were gonna get any! The best were the gift certificates to Barnes and Noble and Bed Bath and Beyond. My family didn't give anything because in Jamaica you don't even have engagment parties and I don't think they knew they were supposed to.

I think if it's done informally, on the level of a birthday party, they're fine.

Nadine

peabody Posted: Dec 08, 2003 01:54 PM

Re: Opininon on engagement parties.

We wanted an eparty to announce our engagement and to celebrate with all our friends and family.

So we had a backyard summer e-party at our house. The food was catered and we rented a tent, tables, and chairs. It was so much fun.

We did register (at first we didn't want too, because we felt unconfortable about it, we wanted the party to celebrate and have fun, but both our parents and some of our close friends suggested that we register because they said people will want to give you a gift, so we did) and we received a mixture of gifts and money.

We had a great time and it was perfect, because it was in our home and we were surrounded by our family and friends. One of my best friends from college flew up from Altanta to for the party and that was the best gift ever.

I am not having a shower, we both agreed that eparty was we wanted because it included the both us.

jenny2penny Posted: Dec 08, 2003 02:26 PM

Re: Opininon on engagement parties.

I was not gun-ho about having one, but FH wanted one...I DON'T REGRET IT!

We had so much fun and was the first of our being a 'couple' events. We did have guests who gave like $20 gifts (from registry), and had guests who gave $100 - $1000 gifts. We did not do it for the gifts. Was nice to have our family come together, which does not happend often and probally won't happend often after the wedding.

Go for it, and guests will say no if they want to.

Sage10.03 Posted: Dec 08, 2003 02:44 PM

Re: Opininon on engagement parties.

Posted by ChristineC68

I love the idea of engagment parties. To celebrate making a big turn in your life with the people you love the most seems reasonable. Even more so with engagements being so long now a days, you almost want to do something right away.

I think they should be reasonably close to when you get engaged and less formal then the wedding.

ETA that I like the line 'your presence is presents enough'. IMO, it should really be about the announcement.

Exactly my sentiments.

We had our e-party in the backyard (beautifully gardened) with tents and buffet. It was by no means a chi chi affair, but it was so nice to be able to celebrate our engagement with everyone.

Misstene Posted: Dec 08, 2003 03:30 PM

Re: Opininon on engagement parties.

I actually can't make up my mind. We've been engaged for almost a year now, but we had some difficult economic hardships. My fiance lost his job for a while etc.

Now that we're actually planning and getting excited etc. my mother wants to throw us an engagement party. I'm not opposed to it, because I feel like the families need to come together and talk about the plans etc. but I also feel like I don't want anyone to buy us anything because of the reasons everyone already stated, but also, we've already been engaged for quite a while.

However, I was thinking of sending out my STD with the invites if I do have one.

What does everyone else think?

tourist Posted: Dec 08, 2003 03:35 PM

Re: Opininon on engagement parties.

We aren't palnning on having one- we have been engaged les than a month.

As it turns out we were having a party the week after we go angaged anyway,. Wehn we told peopel durign that week about our engagement, we specified thatit wasn't an anagemnt party, sicne we had planned this party before we knew. So, only one couple brought a present & other people brought champagne & they insisted on doing a toast, so we did. It was nice to celebrate, but without that begnteh whole focus. so i fugre the celebrating is done with our friends.

We told out extnded families on Thanksgiving,so we celebrated with them, and my family again busted out the champagne. So we sort of surprised THEM with an engagement party, so no-one brought gifts. However, my side of the family wants to by us things, even without a party-- but its inevitable. They are big gifters. You can't talk them out of it. They are already asking about a registry.

I figure without a party, people who really wnat to givea gift, will anyway, but with a party soempeopel may feel obligated too. I didn't know you didn't have to. I did to the 2 I was invited to, but once was a close riend & teh ther was a house warming/engagemnt party , so I bought 2 gifts.

However, without an engagment party, our families haven't met, so we are trying to plan a meeting for our parents, therest will meet at the rehearsal dinner I guess, and perhaps the shower if there is one.