Opinions needed...

Opinions needed...

So, my wedding is a little ways away so I have time but I just need an opinion or two...

my father passed away suddenly April 25th. My wedding will now be very different and very, very hard. I was upstate at my mom's this weekend and broke down speaking about the whole mother-son dance and me not having one. I thought of doing a montage of photos while the song I planned to dance with my father too played but I realize this would be terribly sad and way too hard on my family. I don't want to dance with anyone else because it won't be the same.

So, is it wrong to ask my FH to not have a special dance with his mom? I cannot imagine watching that knowing I won't ever have my turn. My mom thinks they would understand and be okay with it but I don't even know how to approach it.

Any thoughts or suggestions? TIA!

Re: Opinions needed...

First I'd like to say how sorry I am for your loss. In regard to the parent dances, why not do a special dance with you and your mother? I think asking FH not to do the dance with his mother is a little unfair b/c he should be able to have a special moment with her. But I think dancing with your mother and honoring your father at the ceremony would be nice ways of incorporating his memory.

Re: Opinions needed...

I am so sorry about your loss, and it has to be incredibly sad for you...

Maybe you can bring it up to your DH, get his reaction and see what he says... chances are he doesn't want you to be upset and this will obviously be upsetting- remind him that he can still have a special song played and still dance with his mom, but maybe not as a spotlight dance...

I know you said you don't want to dance with someone else, but I think maybe dancing with your mom or maybe a brother(s) if you have them...and your mom would be a very special moment for you all

I do like the idea of the photo montage playing, but you're right it will be a very sad time for you and you might not want to do that at that time...

Re: Opinions needed...

Thank you ladies.

I feel like they deserve that moment but I also feel like I can't handle it. I think I would lose it...I lose it just thinking about it....

I don't want to dance with my mom because I think she would be a wreck.

Ugh, I don't know what to do....

Re: Opinions needed...

Re: Opinions needed...

First off, I am SO sorry for your loss....I haven't been in that situation, but know people that have and it must be so hard on you. Hugs all around!!

I'm not sure what I'd do in your situation - you know FH and his FMIL and how they may react. Before asking him not to have a dance, I would sit down with FH and talk about how your feeling, and how hard that day will be for you....He may suggest it all on his own!

The other side to that is though, not so much for FH, but the mother-son dance is usually very special for the mother.....this is her only chance to dance with her son at his wedding, I know many mother's look forward to that moment. You know FMIL though, is she very sentimental like that, or do you think she'll understand and not do the dance? Everybody is different.


It's a tough decision, but I think you need to have a long talk with FH about it, that may make you feel better to get it out in the open with him.

Re: Opinions needed...

Re: Opinions needed...

I would wait until the wedding gets closer before I make the decision. That stuff doesn't have to be decided until a week or so before. I'm not saying wait that long, just give yourself more time.

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Re: Opinions needed...

Thank you for all of your input ladies. I will wait a bit and talk to my FH. I do have lots of time. It's just on my mind from this weekend...

thanks girls!

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Re: Opinions needed...

I am sorry for your loss.....

how about lighting a candle in his honor when the song is played and then you and FH have a 'second dance' to it. may sounds kinda silly -- but almost like you're dad is watching over you and he went from the man taking care of you passing the torch onto FH?

(for you and your dad)

Re: Opinions needed...

I'm very sorry, I think you should give yourself more time to think about what you want. My youngest brother passed away last summer and I hate thinking about he is not going to be with me on my special day, I was thinking of having a montage just of him but then I'm thinking that it would be to emotional for the family and friends. The Dj might also have a suggestion. I love the idea of having a dance with your Mom, or if you have a brother that would be nice also.