Brides Helping Brides ™ - Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

pa56 Posted: Jun 04, 2009 01:11 PM

Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

My co-worker is invited to a wedding (not mine) that is adult only, as per word of mouth, nothing official was written on the invitation.

She was invited with a guest. My co-worker's longtime boyfriend can't attend since he is presenting something at a conference out of town that same weekend. My co-worker asked me if she can bring her 9 year old son to the reception as her guest. Finding a babysitter isn't an issue, she just wasn't sure if she should bring her son since her invitation did call for 2 guests.

If the bride invited her with a +1, should the bride be able to decide who that +1 is? I doubt it. The invitation didn't say Jane Smith and John Doe. It said Jane Smith and Guest.

gonzalezm3 Posted: Jun 04, 2009 01:13 PM

Re: Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

You should make sure that it is 'Adult Only' BEFORE you bring a 9 year old. There are usually reasons why a couple would not want adults at their wedding.

Lsorrent Posted: Jun 04, 2009 01:15 PM

Re: Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

That's a tough one. At least she was polite enough to ask before assuming. I would just explain to her that you're trying to keep children at a minimum to family. I'm sure she'll understand. Are there going to be other co-workers that she knows there? If so, I'm sure she'll still have a great time on her own....or she can bring a friend

FutureMrsG Posted: Jun 04, 2009 01:16 PM

Re: Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

If the invite was sent Ms. Smith and Guest than no the bride really cannot choose the guest BUT maybe you can casually mention to her in conversation that it is an adult only reception maybe she will get the hint.

pa56 Posted: Jun 04, 2009 01:17 PM

Re: Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

Posted by Lsorrent

That's a tough one. At least she was polite enough to ask before assuming. I would just explain to her that you're trying to keep children at a minimum to family. I'm sure she'll understand. Are there going to be other co-workers that she knows there? If so, I'm sure she'll still have a great time on her own....or she can bring a friend

It's not my wedding. It's someone else's wedding that I dont' know. She was just asking for my advice. She'll know two people at the wedding but no one else.

Lsorrent Posted: Jun 04, 2009 01:18 PM

Re: Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

Posted by pa56

Posted by Lsorrent

That's a tough one. At least she was polite enough to ask before assuming. I would just explain to her that you're trying to keep children at a minimum to family. I'm sure she'll understand. Are there going to be other co-workers that she knows there? If so, I'm sure she'll still have a great time on her own....or she can bring a friend

It's not my wedding. It's someone else's wedding that I dont' know. She was just asking for my advice. She'll know two people at the wedding but no one else.

Sorry, I missed that part. I'm so out of it today

ETA: then I would tell your co-worker just to double check with the bride to make sure she's ok with it.

consulgirl Posted: Jun 04, 2009 01:18 PM

Re: Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

pa56 Posted: Jun 04, 2009 01:19 PM

Re: Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

Posted by FutureMrsG

If the invite was sent Ms. Smith and Guest than no the bride really cannot choose the guest BUT maybe you can casually mention to her in conversation that it is an adult only reception maybe she will get the hint.

She knows it's adults only since she heard that through word of mouth. But she's one of those people who thinks her kid is super well behaved and says 'It's one kid? I doubt anyone would care.'

It's not my wedding and I don't know the bride or anyone else going.

pa56 Posted: Jun 04, 2009 01:19 PM

Re: Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

Posted by consulgirl

IMHO

Some people don't assume that they can't bring their children, that is why some invitations have 'adult reception' written on them.

That being said, I think you should allow her to bring him. He will probably behave fine, and the RH should be charging you a special rate for him. The exception to this is if now everyone thinks they should be bringing their children once they see him. It is not worth future tension with the coworker. GL with this situation.

It's not my wedding. She was just asking for my opinion and I naturally turned to LIW!

MrsCM Posted: Jun 04, 2009 01:21 PM

Re: Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

I would call and ask if it is an adult reception. If not, bringing her son is not an issue but if so I think it would be wrong for her to bring him.

consulgirl Posted: Jun 04, 2009 01:23 PM

Re: Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

So sorry I missed that too.

I guess it depends on her relationship with the bride/groom.

If she is asking you your opinion you could tell her what your take is on the situation once she lays all the factors out to you.

If they had really wanted her son the invite would have probably had his name written on the invitation.

My offhand feeling is that people who want the actual children at the wedding address the envelope as such, and if not, I wouldn't make assumptions. But if they r close - this may not be a factor.

soontobecruz Posted: Jun 04, 2009 01:25 PM

Re: Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

I would advise her to call and ask the bride. There may be other family members there who wanted to bring their kids and were asked not to bc it is adults only. It could cause problems for the bride and groom after the wedding.

Honestly if someone did that at my wedding (which will be adults only also) I'd be kinda pi*sed

JillandJoe Posted: Jun 04, 2009 01:29 PM

Re: Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

no way! my wedding is adults only and if someone brough attempted to bring their child it would be bad, because all our 14 couins and 3 friends children are not ablw to come so why should a child who isn't our family or like family be there. jmo

if its not adults only then its prob fine

stargazerlily Posted: Jun 04, 2009 01:41 PM

Re: Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

I would say that if I were the bride I might be upset. Maybe not necessarily because of the exact issue, but the drama that could stir up. If my other family members could not bring their children and then they see a 9 year old they might have something to say.

pa56 Posted: Jun 04, 2009 01:54 PM

Re: Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

Posted by stargazerlily

I would say that if I were the bride I might be upset. Maybe not necessarily because of the exact issue, but the drama that could stir up. If my other family members could not bring their children and then they see a 9 year old they might have something to say.

That is what I told her. I said since she heard through the grapevine it's adults only, the proper thing to do would be to ask the bride or not bring the son.

runnerbride1023 Posted: Jun 04, 2009 02:02 PM

Re: Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

If she knows its adults only and is asking question, she probably already knows the answer. my opinion is that she shouldn't bring her son and not even bother the bride with the question. She is only going to put the bride on the spot and make it awkward. If I was the bride i would feel so uncomfortable saying no and I'd be so annoyed if the person already knows its adults only. The bride has enough to deal with.

ETA: i re-read my post and realized it might sound a bit harsh.. I must be pmsing.

SummerBride10 Posted: Jun 04, 2009 02:07 PM

Re: Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

When I think of plus one, I automatically think 'date'. Thats just me. I don't feel its appropriate for someone to bring their child as their plus one. I would think most people would assume that weddings are adult-only (as most are).

coldasice217 Posted: Jun 04, 2009 02:36 PM

Re: Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

I just wanted to share that this situation is currently going on with my wedding, but we purposely orchestrated it that way. It's not an adult only reception on account of FH's family, but I made it adult only on my side of the family, because all I can control is my own guest list. So I'm not inviting my father's cousin's children. One cousin is a single mother, and we are inviting her 'with guest' full well knowing that her guest will be her child...but we had to do it that way because we didn't want her siblings or the other cousins to be like how come she can bring her kid and we couldn't? Granted this is a teenager, not a 9 year old...but I'm still expecting that she will probably ask if it's OK to bring her child as her guest, especially knowing we didn't invite her siblings with their kids. So almost same situation in theory...long story short, she should ask the bride if that's ok since she knows that no other children will be there.

GinaZ Posted: Jun 04, 2009 03:45 PM

Re: Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

If it says 'and guest' then it can be anyone. If it had a name for the other person, then only that other person is invited. Now as a guest, she should call and ask if kids are attending and if its okay.

Juhgail Posted: Jun 04, 2009 03:51 PM

Re: Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

I don't think this is a tough one at all.

She should NOT bring her 9 year old to the wedding.

I think you can decide who you want to bring using some reason. A plus 1 ALWAYS means an adult companion.

Basically the person who invited the woman had the courtesy to invite this woman with her long term boyfriend. She in kind should not take advantage by inviting some random person, or some random child.

So IMHO it is NOT appropriate for her to bring her child as a +!.