Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

Original post by pa56

Jun 04, 2009 01:11 PM

My co-worker is invited to a wedding (not mine) that is adult only, as per word of mouth, nothing official was written on the invitation.

She was invited with a guest. My co-worker's longtime boyfriend can't attend since he is presenting something at a conference out of town that same weekend. My co-worker asked me if she can bring her 9 year old son to the reception as her guest. Finding a babysitter isn't an issue, she just wasn't sure if she should bring her son since her invitation did call for 2 guests.

If the bride invited her with a +1, should the bride be able to decide who that +1 is? I doubt it. The invitation didn't say Jane Smith and John Doe. It said Jane Smith and Guest.

Nina1010 Posted: Jun 04, 2009 03:54 PM

Re: Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

Posted by Lsorrent

That's a tough one. At least she was polite enough to ask before assuming. I would just explain to her that you're trying to keep children at a minimum to family. I'm sure she'll understand. Are there going to be other co-workers that she knows there? If so, I'm sure she'll still have a great time on her own....or she can bring a friend

I agree...it can be a sensitive issue and may have been overlooked on the invitation which is why it was word of mouth. I would definitely clarify beforehand.

valthom426 Posted: Jun 04, 2009 04:49 PM

Re: Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

If she already knows it's adult only and is actually wondering than the answer is most likely that the guest part was for her boyfriend, not the 9 year old. The sender/bride probably did not know the boyfriend's name. It would be only most appropriate for her to call or contact the bride and make sure it's okay to bring a 9 year old.

The avoided that by making sure I had everyone's guest names before sending out my invite to that person. It took extra effort but then it would be clear who was and who was not invited. IMHO

CDFT09 Posted: Jun 04, 2009 05:33 PM

Re: Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

I think that if no children are being invited to the wedding, than your coworker should not bring her 9 year old son!

I would be annoyed if someone brought a child to my adults only wedding.

Usually if children are invited it will say 'and Family'. 'And Guest' implies adult.

Thats just my opinion though, and it woul polite of her to ask in advance!

lauraandrob2009 Posted: Jun 04, 2009 06:03 PM

Re: Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

I don't think bringing a 9yr old is appropriate (unless it's a family member)

FutureMrsSoltan Posted: Jun 04, 2009 06:18 PM

Re: Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

She should really find out if its an Adult Only reception....... Usually people write it on the invitation. I would think bringing a 9 Year old would be appropriate but since it does say guest, it can go either way

Marianne13 Posted: Jun 04, 2009 07:58 PM

Re: Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

That's tough. At least she asked and you would think that at the age of 9, he should be rather behaved. I'd be freaking out if someone asked if they could bring a toddler to my wedding.

Panamasweet Posted: Jun 04, 2009 08:04 PM

Re: Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

I think if she heard by word of mouth that they really dont want kids there then it wouldn't be appropriate to bring her son. That wouldn't be fair to the other guests,maybe family, who have children around the same age. Maybe she can bring a friend or another one of her family members or if there will be other co workers there that she will know she can go alone. It may help the couple by not having to pay for an extra plate

geegee827 Posted: Jun 04, 2009 08:15 PM

Re: Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

I don't think it's appropriate. If she heard through word of mouth it's an adult only reception, she should abide by that. I wouldn't even bother asking the bride because that puts her on the spot.

I have a cousin who I know will invite his 8 year old stepdaughter as his 'date.' He is separated from his stepdaughter's mother. I have other cousins whose children are not being invited because I am limiting the wedding to adults only because I have such a huge family. This is going to cause issues if he brings her. My aunt (his mother) told me to invite him without a date to avoid this and to avoid putting her on the spot with her other grandchildren who aren't being invited.

MrsBlueRibbon Posted: Jun 04, 2009 08:34 PM

Re: Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

I think your coworker knows very well that a +1 is for an adult companion, and not her child! Especially since she is aware that it is an adult only reception. I hope you can explain that to her if she really doesn't get it ( nicely, of course) I hate to think of some poor bride out there being quite suprised to find an uninvited kid at her wedding!

MrsBlueRibbon Posted: Jun 04, 2009 08:36 PM

Re: Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

Posted by geegee827

I don't think it's appropriate. If she heard through word of mouth it's an adult only reception, she should abide by that. I wouldn't even bother asking the bride because that puts her on the spot.

I have a cousin who I know will invite his 8 year old stepdaughter as his 'date.' He is separated from his stepdaughter's mother. I have other cousins whose children are not being invited because I am limiting the wedding to adults only because I have such a huge family. This is going to cause issues if he brings her. My aunt (his mother) told me to invite him without a date to avoid this and to avoid putting her on the spot with her other grandchildren who aren't being invited.

Oh, I really hope that this does not happen to you!
I have already let everyone know, if someone shows up with a kid( or anyone I didn't invite for that matter, they will be escorted out immediately.

geegee827 Posted: Jun 04, 2009 09:04 PM

Re: Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

Posted by MrsBlueRibbon

Posted by geegee827

I don't think it's appropriate. If she heard through word of mouth it's an adult only reception, she should abide by that. I wouldn't even bother asking the bride because that puts her on the spot.

I have a cousin who I know will invite his 8 year old stepdaughter as his 'date.' He is separated from his stepdaughter's mother. I have other cousins whose children are not being invited because I am limiting the wedding to adults only because I have such a huge family. This is going to cause issues if he brings her. My aunt (his mother) told me to invite him without a date to avoid this and to avoid putting her on the spot with her other grandchildren who aren't being invited.

Oh, I really hope that this does not happen to you!
I have already let everyone know, if someone shows up with a kid( or anyone I didn't invite for that matter, they will be escorted out immediately.

Thanks. I'm sure it will be ok - he's being invited without a guest, so hopefully it will sink it. It's a little bit sad that I have to invite my 50 year old cousin without a date because he doesn't seem to grasp that I don't want his stepdaughter there.

JAAMS Posted: Jun 04, 2009 10:33 PM

Re: Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

I'd tell her to ask the bride, because things that are heard through the grapevine are sometimes not true.

If it is NOT an Adults Only party, I think it is fine to bring her son.

FallBride2010 Posted: Jun 04, 2009 11:28 PM

Re: Opinions on bringing a child as your '+1' to an adult-only reception

If it's adult only...I dont think she should bring a child. It could cause major issues if other people couldnt bring their kids and she shows up with one. I know I would be really annoyed if someone brought a child.