Ordering my invites tomorrow...

Goldi1021 Posted: Aug 14, 2005 09:21 PM

Ordering my invites tomorrow...

...and it should be happy day as Mom and I are very excited about making the wedding real by placing an order. However, I continue to get choked up knowing that both of my parents will not be on my invitation. It will have my fathers name on it as: Mrs. Dads first and last name but it isn't the same. It hurts so much. Sometimes I think I can handle things then I see that I can't. I know he'll be there in spirit but maybe I am selfish, spirit isn't enough for me. I want him here! Sorry - needed to vent

Jen2999 Posted: Aug 14, 2005 09:32 PM

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Do you plan on honoring your dad in some way during the wedding, maybe planning that will help you to feel like he is part of the wedding and get past some of the harder things.

Soon2BeMrs2006 Posted: Aug 14, 2005 09:45 PM

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Goldi1021 Posted: Aug 14, 2005 09:48 PM

Re: Ordering my invites tomorrow...

I have to do what I feel I can handle and what my mom can handle. Regardless of what I choose to do (or not to do) there will not be a dry eye in the place when I walk down the aisle with my mom and brother and not my mom and dad. In the Jewish faith, both the bride and groom walk with BOTH parents. Had I been raised without a father I would walk with Mom alone. I know my father would want my brother to stand in for him so I had asked him before Dad even passed. I will be dancing a brother/sister dance rather than a father/daughter dance. I would love to dance with my mom but I don't think she will be emotionally equipped to handle it. I will ask my bandleader to have a mother/daughter song 'on deck' and we will play it by ear. If I tell mom in advance, it will start fights. I plan on making a speech that will mention my father but again, in my faith, mitzvahs/simchas (good deeds and happy occasions) come before the sad ones and the two should not confuse each other. We need to celebrate in his honor. The whole wedding will have him all over it. Technically I am not supposed to have music at my wedding but that tradition is being thrown by the way side. Dad loved music and though he was a horrible dancer, he would not be happy if I couldn't dance at my own wedding.

070306 Posted: Aug 14, 2005 10:35 PM

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I am so sorry. I think what you wrote is beautiful. Just remember he is always with you!

psf80 Posted: Aug 14, 2005 10:45 PM

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hmpena Posted: Aug 15, 2005 08:45 AM

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Leslie,

First of all, congrats on ordering the invites!! That is so exciting. I don't remember if you posted pics, but I would love to see them.

Secondly, to you. You have been through so much lately and really deserve to be happy. I think you are handling this situation amazingly well. You are a strong woman and I believe your father is very proud of you.

chikita315 Posted: Aug 15, 2005 08:58 AM

Re: Ordering my invites tomorrow...

I'd like to say, that I think what you are doing and will do to remember and honor your father is beautiful. The way you have spoken about him always brings a tear to my eye, as you can feel the love you have for him through your words. I'd like to send you many , to help you get through a very emotional time.

I'd like to ask something without sounding ignorant. Can you not have music at your wedding because it's before the unveiling?
My grandfather was Jewish, so I know some of the traditions, not all.

JessicaM. Posted: Aug 15, 2005 10:20 AM

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first Leslie, do not apologize one minute for venting. I can only imagine how hard this is for you, especially since your dad's passing was not long ago. vent all you want, cry all you want. we are hear for you!

jens Posted: Aug 15, 2005 10:22 AM

Re: Ordering my invites tomorrow...

Posted by JessicaM.

first Leslie, do not apologize one minute for venting. I can only imagine how hard this is for you, especially since your dad's passing was not long ago. vent all you want, cry all you want. we are hear for you!

Well said & ditto!

MayBride06 Posted: Aug 15, 2005 10:22 AM

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We are here for you Leslie, so if that means venting than go for it!

kellwolfe Posted: Aug 15, 2005 10:26 AM

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i am so sorry and dont even know what to say

cindyandkevin Posted: Aug 15, 2005 10:27 AM

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Congrats on ordering the invites Leslie!!

Sorry you're going thru such a tough time, but you seem to be handling it really well!! You're not being selfish, it's natural and normal for you to want him there in person. Perfectly understandable. I just try to think of it this way, in person he may have missed things but in spirit he will ALWAYS be there for you.

Goldi1021 Posted: Aug 15, 2005 10:56 AM

Re: Ordering my invites tomorrow...

Posted by chikita315
I'd like to ask something without sounding ignorant. Can you not have music at your wedding because it's before the unveiling?
My grandfather was Jewish, so I know some of the traditions, not all.

If the wedding date was set before the person passed away, then the wedding does go on.

'For thirty days, mourners do not attend weddings, bar/bat-mitzvahs or other events that have music. The son or daughter of the deceased do not attend for 12 months.'

Most Jewish people observe the 'thirty days' but I tend to think that the Conservative and Orthodox movements observe that custom for the 12 months. The Rabbi whose services we used at the funeral, was a Reform Rabbi and said to do what is comfortable. I don't know if the rules have to do with the unveiling or not but many people have unveilings BEFORE the one year mark.