Our church won't let us have or do ......

Unity Candles, a runner, pew bows or pick the day of our RD!

Has anyone else ever heard of this? OK I can understand the runner because they THINK its dangerous, fine I can deal with that but no unity candle? They think its commercial or just not really significant to the ceremony. I thought it was part of the religous ceremony The thing that really annoys me is the pew bows. I think it is going to look so plain w/ out them. FH is not happy about the RD. He said he refuses to have it the day before the wedding. Which I totally agree, I will have too much to do the day before to have to worry about putting together a party too and then no one can enjoy it and have some drinks bc they have to get up sooo early the next day.

I know the wedding is about the ceremony and not the RD, bows and candles but I just don't know why they have to be so difficult!

Anyone else have these problem or solutions?

That is nuts!! If you are having a FG you better check to see if she can throw petals (silk or real) I heard from my florist a lot of places banned that as well because its supposedly a 'hazard'.

Good luck getting it straightened out. I think if you are making a donation to have the ceremony there they shouldn't restrict you so much. Maybe there is room for compromise?

edited for typos

I know its CRAZY! I couldn't believe it. It is a catholic church but I didn't think they would be so strict. I am paying for the use of the church so you would think they would let you do some things And they definetly won't let the FG throw petals either. I wanted to do that thing when both of us present our mothers with roses during the ceremony but if they won't let you do a unity candle then I'm sure they aren't going to let us do the rose thing either. Oh and there suggestion is to do the unity candle at the reception.....Um no I think thats rediculous.

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Posted by litlone555

I know its CRAZY! I couldn't believe it. It is a catholic church but I didn't think they would be so strict. I am paying for the use of the church so you would think they would let you do some things And they definetly won't let the FG throw petals either. I wanted to do that thing when both of us present our mothers with roses during the ceremony but if they won't let you do a unity candle then I'm sure they aren't going to let us do the rose thing either. Oh and there suggestion is to do the unity candle at the reception.....Um no I think thats rediculous.

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That is so frustrating. Maybe this is crazy, but have you considered using another church? I know some brides chose particular churches for certain sentimental reasons, but, maybe you could consider using a different one that will be more flexible with requests?!

Our priest said technically, the unity candle is not part of the Liturgy, but has become a 'standard' in most ceremonies.

Our church did not have a problem w/that, the runner or the pew bows. The only thing they didn't allow was throwing rice or anything else outside. (we released balloons) Also, if our alter pieces were real, they got to keep them. Since ours were silk, we brought them to the recpetion hall. (actually our florist told me to bring them back to her. She made 3 arrangements for us!!! A nice reminder of our day)

Our RD was 2 days before the wedding.

Good luck,
Donna
10/5/03

um.. you do know you don't have to settle for that church? You can get married at any Catholic church, even if you're not regular at that parish.

I've delt with Good Shepard and they are a little strict. I am my nephews Godmother and they practically wanted a blood sample to prove I was baptized and confirmed Catholic. No other church I've heard of does that. I was just the Godmother for my other nephew at St. Luke's in Brentwood and they didn't ask for any paperwork at all.

And, the Deacon who performed the christening, was very full of himself and pompous. I dont like that church...as you may have already noticed.

were dealing with much the same

no unity candles cause its not part of the lutheran ceremony...it honestly is a secular addition made to include the families

no petals or aisle runner- danger!

we can have pew decor we think..he hasnt said no anyway

and no throwing anything outside


and to top it off, he wanted us to have the reahearsal a week before since there will be thanksgiving masses going on that week

then he throws a fit when we tell him the best man wont be coming in from colorado till 2 days before cause bm HAS to be at the rehearsal

well then have the reahearsal TWO DAYS BEFORE!!!!! AARGH


so yeah i know what youre dealing with

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Posted by M&LSept1606

um.. you do know you don't have to settle for that church? You can get married at any Catholic church, even if you're not regular at that parish.

I've delt with Good Shepard and they are a little strict. I am my nephews Godmother and they practically wanted a blood sample to prove I was baptized and confirmed Catholic. No other church I've heard of does that. I was just the Godmother for my other nephew at St. Luke's in Brentwood and they didn't ask for any paperwork at all.

And, the Deacon who performed the christening, was very full of himself and pompous. I dont like that church...as you may have already noticed.

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Good Shepard is my parish too! They are very strict and they told me my day was booked when i asked if they had the date available so I went to another church but the priest at that church said no too because he turned down two brides already who didn't belong to that parish so then I called him back and told him good shepard was booked and he said well if someone else does it you can get married here but I am not doing it. So yes all catholic churchs are strict and they all have there little quirks. I have to say that St philips and james was the nicest to me but they couldn't do the ceremony because of the catholic schools graduation so Deacon Steve from our lady of the snow agreed to do it. Now its off to precana in less than a month. oh wait and then when I called good shepard back to ask for a letter of release they said the date was not booked. Wooh!!!!!!!!!!!
I am happy I got that all out

Thank you.

That is ridiculous. I can understand the runner, I wish I hadn't had one, but the candle? Tell them you are going to call the Diocese to ask them if this is normal

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Posted by litlone555

Unity Candles, a runner, pew bows or pick the day of our RD!

Has anyone else ever heard of this? OK I can understand the runner because they THINK its dangerous, fine I can deal with that but no unity candle? They think its commercial or just not really significant to the ceremony. I thought it was part of the religous ceremony The thing that really annoys me is the pew bows. I think it is going to look so plain w/ out them. FH is not happy about the RD. He said he refuses to have it the day before the wedding. Which I totally agree, I will have too much to do the day before to have to worry about putting together a party too and then no one can enjoy it and have some drinks bc they have to get up sooo early the next day.

I know the wedding is about the ceremony and not the RD, bows and candles but I just don't know why they have to be so difficult!

Anyone else have these problem or solutions?

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Good Shepard does not allow anything this is true. They are strict and pompous and they new all about the scandal that was going on and never did anything about it.

I know I don't have to use this church but its the church that I grew up going to, not that I go anymore, but still my mom wanted atleast one of her kids to get married in our church. Plus its like 4 months until the wedding. I think its too late and even if it isn't the invitations are being printed next week. I have to call them to find out all the specifics but this is what we were told by the couple who does pre-cana (they have been doing it for our church for like 20 years so Im assuming they know what they are talking about) I never knew that this church was so stict and picky!

I think Im going to tell them that FH has to work (he works nights) the day before the wedding so we can only have it 2 days before. What can they say to me...the groom has to be there right!

No candles-fine
No runner - I'll deal
No bows- I am not happy about!
But the RD I am not budging on.

I am going to try to get a priest from a different church to do the ceremony (he married my parents) and hopefully he will let us change some things. This is just frustrating me!

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Posted by litlone555

I never heard about that scandal until years later too. I remember that priest from when I was little. It really suprised me that Father Tom would be a part of shifting priests around to cover stuff up.

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I know so that is why I don't go their anymore.

To see the pictures with him with my older brothers is sickening even though it wasn't them it happened to it was one of the kids that lived on Grundy that it happened too also but he never got to tell his story.

My parents totally understand and are not upset at all in fact they are happy because after hearing what happened they prefer not to go there either.

maybe your reception hall can help you out finding another church.

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Posted by wood2be

That is ridiculous. I can understand the runner, I wish I hadn't had one, but the candle? Tell them you are going to call the Diocese to ask them if this is normal

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the diocesse goes with whatever the church says don't forget they are the ones that helped cover up all the scandals.