Parent Gift Problem

dannisayz Posted: May 18, 2008 12:43 AM

Parent Gift Problem

Ok. My parents are paying for the wedding. FFIL (FH's parents are divorced for over 20 years) is paying for our honeymoon. FMIL . . . paying for nothing, but we live with her (but still pay rent).

What do I give FMIL as a gift? Yes, she is helping us save for a house by having us live with her. However, FH got her a mortgage on her home (which is why we 'pay rent' - it goes to paying off the loan on the house, which he got for her.

This woman has p!ssed me off more ways than one, tonight included, and I really do not want to give her anything, but I know s/he will be offended if I give FFIL, his wife and my parents a gift at the RD.

What do I do? What should I get this woman, even though I really can't stand her?

wundmoretime Posted: May 18, 2008 12:50 AM

Re: Parent Gift Problem

Treat them equally, it is still FH's mom. You will have to deal with her for many years to come.

dannisayz Posted: May 18, 2008 12:53 AM

Re: Parent Gift Problem

Posted by wundmoretime

Treat them equally, it is still FH's mom. You will have to deal with her for many years to come.

Killing her isn't an option?

Celest Posted: May 18, 2008 01:07 AM

Re: Parent Gift Problem

Posted by dannisayz

Posted by wundmoretime

Treat them equally, it is still FH's mom. You will have to deal with her for many years to come.

Killing her isn't an option?

at least not legally

dannisayz Posted: May 18, 2008 11:41 AM

Re: Parent Gift Problem

bump

Crystan08 Posted: May 18, 2008 11:42 AM

Re: Parent Gift Problem

Posted by dannisayz

Posted by wundmoretime

Treat them equally, it is still FH's mom. You will have to deal with her for many years to come.

Killing her isn't an option?

BunnyBears Posted: May 18, 2008 01:11 PM

Re: Parent Gift Problem

what are you getting the other parents?
you can make her a frame or book on kodakgallary of fh growing up with pics of him and her up until this point.

wundmoretime Posted: May 18, 2008 01:21 PM

Re: Parent Gift Problem

treat them equally. You have many years to come dealing with them. I say get all the 'moms' the same gift. You should not base it on anything else. Someday, she may be the grandmother of your children and she is still FH's mother.

Sharron70 Posted: May 18, 2008 02:14 PM

Re: Parent Gift Problem

Posted by dannisayz

Posted by wundmoretime

Treat them equally, it is still FH's mom. You will have to deal with her for many years to come.

Killing her isn't an option?

My FSIL also has a somewhat strained relationship with her MIL (she puts up a good front but there are VERY good reasons for her resentment). My FMIL can't understand why FSIL is so nice to her but FSIL says 'It's his mother. No matter what she's done to us in the past, she's still his mother, you only have one in your whole life and one should never come between a mother and her child'. Strong resolve my FSIL has!

So yeah, I agree with the others - get her something. You live with her so it should be easy to pick something specific to her tastes without going to too much trouble.

dannisayz Posted: May 18, 2008 03:19 PM

Re: Parent Gift Problem

This is my problem, she's snubbed her nose at every gift I've ever gotten her. I got her a beautiful wedgewood christmas ornament this past year. All she could say is, 'that's nice.'

She shows no emotion towards anything. She's technology stupid, so one of those digi frames is a bad idea and that was my idea for my parents and his father. I'm at a loss.

ItalianBride428 Posted: May 18, 2008 03:22 PM

Re: Parent Gift Problem

why not just a picture of you guys in a nice lenox frame or something?

maybe her lack of emotion is because she is avoiding the fact she is effected by the whole process of the wedding...

Shelly9697 Posted: May 18, 2008 03:23 PM

Re: Parent Gift Problem

I have to agree, treat them equally!! Even tho you cant stand her it is still FH's mom!! I would give her the same digital frame the other parents are getting!! If she doesnt like it, oh well that's her problem!! At least you can say you tried!!

jaep129 Posted: May 18, 2008 04:06 PM

Re: Parent Gift Problem

I am so in your boat. My mother is paying for everything too. FH parents have been divorced over 25 years and neither of them are paying for one thing. I want to get my mom something and get them nothing. So what I was thinking what we are going to do is flowers for FMIL and my mom and RD and a bottle of wine for FFIL. It might seem cheap to others but really I don't care. We are then getting my mom a nice parent album and a day at the spa she likes. The wine and flowers are all his parents get. Hope this helps!

Sharron70 Posted: May 18, 2008 04:40 PM

Re: Parent Gift Problem

Posted by dannisayz

This is my problem, she's snubbed her nose at every gift I've ever gotten her. I got her a beautiful wedgewood christmas ornament this past year. All she could say is, 'that's nice.'

She shows no emotion towards anything. She's technology stupid, so one of those digi frames is a bad idea and that was my idea for my parents and his father. I'm at a loss.

Pfft. $crew her then. Get her a gift card.

irishgrl1017 Posted: May 18, 2008 05:34 PM

Re: Parent Gift Problem

Maybe give them gifts seperate...and get her a nice frame

wundmoretime Posted: May 18, 2008 06:51 PM

Re: Parent Gift Problem

My mother is a difficult person, I found it always best to treat them equal and eliminate any future problems. You can give your mom something more special if you want, I just wouldn't announce it to everyone. As for the stepmother/mother-you don't want to go there. You will never repair any damage that is caused if you favor the stepmom over the mother, that I can promise you. If she doesn't like it, too bad. It is about doing the right thing and not creating more problems. You are also putting FH in a bad situation with it also. It will affect him too. We are getting our moms a pearl set-one for each and calling it a day. Good luck.

madseason Posted: May 18, 2008 06:55 PM

Re: Parent Gift Problem

Danni - no one has to know what you spent - and instead of going over the top and spending a ton on something sentimental - which If i were u i wouldnt do, but thats just me - get her something she might want or need -

for example - my RBs are 7 and 10 - i got them bags for karate - water bottles, towels, and a psp game and a pool toy - nothing 'sentimental'

Maybe something nice for the home or a night out or a gift cert to a salon

madseason Posted: May 18, 2008 06:56 PM

Re: Parent Gift Problem

Posted by Sharron70

Posted by dannisayz

This is my problem, she's snubbed her nose at every gift I've ever gotten her. I got her a beautiful wedgewood christmas ornament this past year. All she could say is, 'that's nice.'

She shows no emotion towards anything. She's technology stupid, so one of those digi frames is a bad idea and that was my idea for my parents and his father. I'm at a loss.

Pfft. $crew her then. Get her a gift card.

YUP!!!!!

I love u Sharron!

TrueLoveIn2008 Posted: May 18, 2008 07:36 PM

Re: Parent Gift Problem

I would give small gifts at the RD to all - your parents, FFIL and FMIL - and give the actual gifts you have planned for your parents and FFIL another time, so that no one is offended.