Ok... I'm sorry I have to vent this early in the planning process, but is this what families do??? I was excited to start telling my parents my plans.. The places we have visited so far and ideas I'm having. Well..., I don't want a huge wedding nor do I want a big bridal party. I have my sister, my best friend from high school, and another friend that I am close to. When I told my mom my my plans, she started off by saying how she doesn't like one of my friends, and that I should have JUST family in the wedding party, not strangers!! My father even said he dispised (spelling?) her and he doesn't even know her... Ugh!! My dilema is if I have one cousin, I have to ask the other two cousins as well (another long story) and I still would want my fiance's two neices to be part of it. So now i went from 3 people to 8!!!!! As for who my fiance is chosing, his brother, best friend and another close friend, my mom is like he should really have your sister's husband instead of his friends, since he's family.... I know this is confusing, but I have OVER 2 years to plan this wedding, we are paying for EVERYTHING including a house, Why do they have to do this??? My fiance is the best though, and tells me we should do what we feel is right and not worry, but I am worrying. I'm worried about offending people when I thought I had everything figured out... I'm soo sorry this is long, but I see how all of you are with each other, and I needed to tell someone, since I obviously can't tell my closest friends who of which i want in my wedding.....
janwinterbridejoy
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Re: Parents are staring to put their two sense in....
im sorry your having a hard time with your parents.
BlondeJD
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Re: Parents are staring to put their two sense in....
Since you are paying for the wedding, I say do what you want. It's your (you and FH) day, not anyone elses. You don't want to look back on your wedding day and not have your best friends standing next to you in pictures. The important thing is for you to be happy. If you think about it, the more relatives you ask to be in the bridal party, the more relatives you're likely to offend if you didn't ask them to be in it ('She asked her to be a BM? But she couldn't ask X,Y, or Z?'). Good luck!
heidla
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Re: Parents are staring to put their two sense in....
I hate to say it, but I think you are in for a long 2 years. We dealt with stuff off and on for 18 months. You have to do what feels right to you. Good luck.
lorsin
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Re: Parents are staring to put their two sense in....
Posted by jenniesunshine
Since you are paying for the wedding, I say do what you want. It's your (you and FH) day, not anyone elses. You don't want to look back on your wedding day and not have your best friends standing next to you in pictures. The important thing is for you to be happy. If you think about it, the more relatives you ask to be in the bridal party, the more relatives you're likely to offend if you didn't ask them to be in it ('She asked her to be a BM? But she couldn't ask X,Y, or Z?'). Good luck!
I agree - try to set the ground rules now or it only gets worse. I tried to make everyone happy in the beginning and it only made me miserable. And I'm only having a 10 month engagement!!
Stand your ground and gently tell them what you want while respecting their ability to voice their opinions. They can tell you their preferences, but it's ultimately your and your FH's decision!!
Good luck!!
Xelindrya
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Re: Parents are staring to put their two sense in....
Posted by jenniesunshine
Since you are paying for the wedding, I say do what you want. It's your (you and FH) day, not anyone elses. You don't want to look back on your wedding day and not have your best friends standing next to you in pictures. The important thing is for you to be happy. If you think about it, the more relatives you ask to be in the bridal party, the more relatives you're likely to offend if you didn't ask them to be in it ('She asked her to be a BM? But she couldn't ask X,Y, or Z?'). Good luck!
agreed.
Im paying for my wedding.. you need to put your foot down. Call it bridezilla call it whatever, it's your wedding. You should have it as much as you can the way you want it.
My advice (which is to say this is what I do): Just agree and say you'll think about it and then do what you want. Sometimes though they may say something outrageous that may have to angry one second then thinking again about what they said later on. Not because you feel bad or want to give them what they want but because maybe just a bit of what they said may turn you on to something you hadn't thought of.
Bottom line: It's your wedding. Your day to be happy. Keep that goal in mind.
brideinapril
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Re: Parents are staring to put their two sense in....
It doesn't matter what your families say, you should do what you want anyway. Like Xelindra said - just take there advice, tell them you'll consider it and do what YOU want. You are paying for your own wedding, it should be the way YOU and you fh of course wants it. Families are strange sometimes and when there is a wedding involved they can get REALLY CRAZY!!!! Good luck.
cluelessbride
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Re: Parents are staring to put their two sense in....
DO NOT LISTEN TO THEM!!!!
A lot of people will have A LOT to say about your wedding. It's none of their busines. They had their wedding, now this is YOUR wedding.
Some things you can say when parents (or anyone else)offers their unsolicited advice:
All of these are lies, of course:
That's interesting.
You are full of ideas!
I'll keep that in mind.
Thank you for the advice.
What would I do without you?
You should be a wedding planner!
Be sweet as pie and then do want you want.
Butterflybride
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Re: Parents are staring to put their two sense in....
Unfortunately, when you have families that care about the wedding, they're gonna put their two cents in and it's going to be about anything and everything. If it's not what you want though, make sure you set them straight and remind them that's it's your day. I've already had to do it myself, especially with my mother and surprisingly I got a 'you know what? you're right.'
gina674
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Re: Parents are staring to put their two sense in....
Tahnk you.... You all made me feel better... I really do value all of your opinions and advice, I'm glad I vented to the right people... Thank you again I now know I do have to put my foot down..
ckgmwedding
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Re: Parents are staring to put their two sense in....
They will drive you nuts, I know! But do what you want, not others or you will go crazy. I'm only having a MOH, and everyone keeps telling me I need bridemaids, it will look funny but F%^k them! She is all I need!
hbradio
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Re: Parents are staring to put their two sense in....
I am going through the same stuff BUT I learned to live by this motto: Whoever pays makes all the decisions!
nov04LIbride
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Re: Parents are staring to put their two sense in....
Posted by hbradio
I am going through the same stuff BUT I learned to live by this motto: Whoever pays makes all the decisions!
I agree! Paying for it myself is so difficult, but I am glad I don't feel that I need to listen to other people's 2 cents!
bogiedmb41
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Re: Parents are staring to put their two sense in....
Posted by hbradio
I am going through the same stuff BUT I learned to live by this motto: Whoever pays makes all the decisions!
I couldn't have said it better myself!
charlotte227
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Re: Parents are staring to put their two sense in....
Posted by cluelessbride
DO NOT LISTEN TO THEM!!
That's interesting.
You are full of ideas!
I'll keep that in mind.
Thank you for the advice.
What would I do without you?
You should be a wedding planner!
Be sweet as pie and then do want you want.
Wow these are excellent...take this Bride's advice you do have a bumpy road ahead of you but only you can make it smoother if you start now by putting the brakes on (PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN) or you will regret your choices later, stay with a small circle of friends if it's what you want good luck
butterfly20
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Re: Parents are staring to put their two sense in....
if you have one cousin you Definately do not need to include the others..... that would be if you were excluding one only.....
for your sisters husband he can be an usher..
and if you have close friends that you feel you have a good relationship with, then there is no reason not to have them in the bridal party... the closest people are suppose to be in it....
mushsgrl
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Re: Parents are staring to put their two sense in....
I am havign similar problems, but feel there is not much i can do since my parents are helping us pay for it. My mom doesnt want my aunt(her sister) to escort there dad down the isle, my dad said that its between her and my aunt(but why should that be my problem on my day)
palebride
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Re: Parents are staring to put their two sense in....
aren't families wonderful during wedding planning........ good luck we ALL understand we're your'e coming from and what you're going through!!
CubanBride
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Re: Parents are staring to put their two sense in....
Girl, I am glad I don't have to deal with those type of issues.
What I would tell you is that this is your wedding and you are paying for it, so you should do what you want. If your parents hound you, explain to them that although you appreciate their input, you really have a dream of your wedding in a specific way and you would like to keep it that way.
alexlynn7
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Re: Parents are staring to put their two sense in....
in the short time that i've been planning my wedding i have learned one important lesson: DON'T ASK. TELL. every time i've kindly asked people's opinions i've gotten burnt. so now i NEVER volunteer any information. and when asked i firmly tell what we are doing. and when people offer unsolicited advice (which they always will), i politely say 'what a great idea! we'll have to think about that'. and then i do what i want
