How many here are having your and/or FH's parents contributing to your wedding. FH told me last week that his father generously cut him a check for a few thousand dollars toward wedding costs. and then when I mentioned I had already looked at a few wedding dresses, my dad suddenly left me a check for a few thousand dollars to pay for my dress and a few other wedding items...then my mom goes ahead and says she wants to pay for my invitations
I feel so guilty because my parents are nearing retirement age and that extra $$ could really be useful to them, and here they are cutting me checks. This is saving me at least $10K but I'm not sure what to do!! FH said he will accept his dad's contribution but he plans to keep the $$ in a separate account so he can just give it back to him if he needs that $$ for any emergency.
I feel like I should do the same..Any ideas on how to gently tell my parents, thanks but I really rather take on my own debt than having them dip into their retirement funds?
MLAngelo
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Re: Parents contrubuting to wedding costs?
My parents paid for the entire wedding, almost every detail. My dad's business is going under and they are also nearing retirement age. But they insisted. They have dreamt their whole life of this. Your parents might feel the same way and could even be feeling sad they couldn't do more. I think you should respect their desire to help you, you are their daughter and its something that probably means a lot to them.
Lsorrent
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Re: Parents contrubuting to wedding costs?
FH and I are very fortunate that our parents are paying for virtually everything. My parents started a CD account when I was born strictly for a wedding fund so that is where the majority of the money is coming from. FH's parents have offered to pay for our HM because they said they wanted to give us a very generous gift.
You can definitely talk to your parents, but it seems like this is something they WANT to do, and not that they're obligated to. Maybe they've had this money saved away specifically for this reason too.
Cassie15
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Re: Parents contrubuting to wedding costs?
Unfortunately, my parents were not able to help me at all. At that time my father was still mortgaging his house for another ten years. DH and I used up everything we saved and whatever we could cut to lower our wedding expenses. MIL gave us a loan to pay for our reception and BIL also helped and gave us a loan to cover for HM and wedding expenses. In total, we have to pay back 20K. Out of our own pocket, we paid 24K. Our entire outdoor wedding came out to approx. 43K . I would suggest a lot of budget work. If you feel bad taking your parent's retirement, I would suggest a lot of budget work. If you can cut down the number of guests, flowers, catering cost, photography/videography pkgs, etc. do it. Otherwise, you will get stuck with bills that will take years to pay off.
JenBill61210
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Re: Parents contrubuting to wedding costs?
FH and I made the first payment on our RH when my mother generously agreed to take over the rest of the payments. Everything else FH and I are covering, i think except for our RD which i believe FFIL will be covering.
Tetelove
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Re: Parents contrubuting to wedding costs?
As far as who is paying for what, FH Mother provided the deposit for the RH. Other than that, FH and I have been paying for the cost of the wedding. I pretty sure my Mom is going to help with the cost of my bridal attire and little things here and there. Basically FH and I are footing the bill for our wedding.
whtevjenny
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Re: Parents contrubuting to wedding costs?
my parents are paying for 95% of the wedding costs, but getting married on LI is insanely expensive so we've paid for some things ourselves, too. FH's parents have offered to help out as well. We are really fortunate - my parents are amazing.
Lucky2010
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Re: Parents contrubuting to wedding costs?
We're paying for our wedding which I don't mind doing because it allows us to make our own decisions without getting too much input from mom's...
That being said though, my mom is paying for my wedding gown, veil, hair piece and for the flowers (because she wants them more than me!). It's at least a good $3,000 is savings for me!
regy_k
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Re: Parents contrubuting to wedding costs?
my parents gave us a 1/3 of our budget, paying 70% of the RH. When I tried to refuse she got really insulted, saying that it gives her pleasure to pay for her daughter's wedding and this is what parents suppose to do.
FH's mom gave us a check paying for video and Rabbi and some extra will be left to pay for some other stuff.
I say if they are giving, u should take it, its their day as much as urs. They wait for it longer than us.
Also its a great idea to put that money separately. I took the money my parents gave us and broke it down by payments to the RH putting it in different terms of CD's at the bank. This way it ensure a much higher rate than lets say savings and u cant touch other than for wedding expanse.
But, if you feel that this is way too much to accept from your parents I would just let them know, what things that you are getting and have them pay just for that item other than just giving a check to you.
JessNicole7EM
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Re: Parents contrubuting to wedding costs?
My fiance are paying for the wedding ourselves.
My parents offered to pay for a few things - and like someone said before me, your parents may take offense if you try to give back the money because they want to feel like they helped contribute.
Rosie0613
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Re: Parents contrubuting to wedding costs?
Our parents are paying for the RH but FH and I are paying for everything else. Our parents are still insisting on paying for everything else but we have been paying vendors without telling them. We want to pay for as much as we can as I too feel like its their retirement. But they feel differently. FH's parents are buying our bedroom and dining room sets and my parents are buying our kitchen and living room sets.
AngnShaun
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Re: Parents contrubuting to wedding costs?
my mom is fronting a lot of the money, but we are paying her back with what we get from gifts... its what she did for my sister as well....
but i am paying for a few things myself...
eta: my dad has been retired for 2 years... and my moms is retiring in june and my wedding is in july...
little34
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Re: Parents contrubuting to wedding costs?
My dad paid for my wedding....the major stuff (RH, flowers, video, photog)....we paid for my dress, suit, decor, dj, etc.
FHs parents paid for my shower and the rehearsal dinner
scatteredx12
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Re: Parents contrubuting to wedding costs?
our parents are helping out big time. while we're paying for some vendors ourselves, our parents wanted us to save up for a house and the rest of our lives, rather than blow all of our money on our wedding day, so they chose to split the ceremony & reception costs and help out with other things as well. my uncle also cut us a check for a few thousand because my sister and i are his only nieces, and he's always been very generous to us. we're very fortunate for that. i think that if your parents want to help, let them. you can always keep the money to the side like your fh suggested and you can pay them back if you prefer.
meli722
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Re: Parents contrubuting to wedding costs?
My parents paid for 80% of the Reception Hall, and we paid the rest. We also paid for everything else
asg450
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Re: Parents contrubuting to wedding costs?
Our parents are also paying for the wedding; we are paying for things as well but they are paying for the more expensive things.
I am very grateful they are being so generous with our wedding and I do worry sometimes that they should be putting this money towards their retirement but this is something they want to do for their children. They do not feel obligated to pay for things towards the wedding, knowing this helps me feel a little better when I have to tell them we need to pay off a vendor.
latinaj
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Re: Parents contrubuting to wedding costs?
my parents are paying for the rh...
fh and i are paying for absolutely everything else....
fil's dont have a clue abt the cost of a wedding...fmil thinks the most i should spend on my dress is 500....
ktlady73
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Re: Parents contrubuting to wedding costs?
My fiance and I are paying for everything ourselves. My parents are on a fixed income and they just don't have it. They feel bad about it, but i try not to make them feel worse.
My mom said she would spring for invitations and other little things along the way if she can (but I'd rather not ask her).
My FH has some bills he is working out, so mainly, my savings is what will pay for most. It will just about wipe out most of it, but at least I won't be in debt over it. I definitely do not want to start my marriage in debt, just over a 1 day affair, special as it is.
Our budget is about $12,000, give or take (plus the honeymoon), and we are doing OK so far. It's possible. We are fairly simple people...having all the 'must-have's' for a LI wedding, but simply done. We may go over budget a little, but not too badly.
Watever143
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Re: Parents contrubuting to wedding costs?
Our parent paid for just about everything....My parents paid for most tho.....All I had to pay for is my wedding attire (dress, shoes, veil, headpiece,DOJ) and doh and makeup. And craft stuff....Pretty much our parents paid for the big things RH,limos,flowers,dj,video and my Brother offered to pay for our HM.
We were soooo greatful for having such kinda families...
las1
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Re: Parents contrubuting to wedding costs?
FH's parents gave us some money so did my parents. Also, last week my mom decided she wanted a Viennese dessert table so they are paying for that too. The rest FH and I are paying for
