Parents Paying for Their Friends?

Does anyone think this is unreasonable? We are trying to pay for the whole thing ourselves, as my mom isn't ready to be involved. But she has 30 people on the list. I think asking her to pay for her friends is not that bad. Verus the whole wedding...

Re: Parents Paying for Their Friends?

My FH's parents each have 6 siblings. So you can imagine how many cousins he has! He told his parents that he was inviting people he knew and had seen recently (within the last 5 years). Otherwise, if they wanted them there...they would have to foot that piece of the bill.

(This is also my FH's second wedding. Had this been his first, he may have felt more inclined to invite them.)

Re: Parents Paying for Their Friends?

Are these people whom you're inviting, or your mom? I.e. do you care if they show up? That would be a deciding factor for me... My parents are only bringing one couple with them and fi's parents will also have just a few, and my fi and I are paying for the wedding. We're only having 100 people or so.

Re: Parents Paying for Their Friends?

Dana, my mom has offered to pay for the 'extra' people she wished to invite. I told her who was on my list, and that was all I can afford. I think the rest of the parents will do the same. I think that it is fair. James and I are paying ourselves for most of the wedding. Mom has offered to pay for the music and her extra guests, and also anything else she can pick up along the way. Knowing my mom she will help with the dress and stuff like that. We haven't discussed money with any of the other parents yet.

Re: Parents Paying for Their Friends?

Most are people I've known my whole life. Would I miss them, yes, but I wouldn't consider them part of my list. But they have been friends with my parents, some of them, for 30+ years. So I know she would want them there. We are on a tight budget and she isn't helping us out. Right now it's inthe budget for us to cover them. But i feel like asking her to put in about $2,000 for them vs. paying for the whole wedding is not that bad...right?

Re: Parents Paying for Their Friends?

Hey Meeg, yeah, I am thinking that asking her is reasonable.

Re: Parents Paying for Their Friends?

My Fi and I are paying for the wedding ourselves.

I suggest to any couple in this situation to do the following:

Sit down with both sets of families from the beginning and lay down the law.

I personally told my family and my future in-laws that due to cost restraints we will have to eliminate people. I told them we would make every effort to include only their closest of friends, but we are on a budget and have to stick to it.

Re: Parents Paying for Their Friends?

I gave my mom a certain number of guests and then anything over that, she had to pay.

Re: Parents Paying for Their Friends?

my mom invited 5 people + guests from her job...while they are lovely people...and I was glad to have them at the wedding...my mother gave us money to cover them (actually she increased the amount she told us she was going to give)

Re: Parents Paying for Their Friends?

My mom wanted to invite a bunch of her work friends, and it was very up in the air if I could afford to pay for them, but she will be paying for the flowers now, so it kind of evens out...

Re: Parents Paying for Their Friends?

This was a touchy topic when we were making our invite list because FH's mom wanted to invite a lot of neighbors/co-workers and our list was already up to 250. Finally, FH had a talk w/ her and told her point blank that she either cuts down the list or pays for whatever is over.

Re: Parents Paying for Their Friends?

I refuse to let the wedding run my life, however, this has been a sore subject with me and FMIL, she is paying for her guests no matter what , or she will not have them there. We have not asked a dime from her. But believe me she made a comment that one of her friends gives good presents and we would be more than compensated and I just put her right back in her place.

Re: Parents Paying for Their Friends?

My in-laws graciously offered to pay for their guests. they have 140 on their list.

Re: Parents Paying for Their Friends?

Y'all are lucky. FH says that it all 'pays off in the end anyway.' because of the gifts everyone gives...even though his list is 75% of our guest list, he won't cut b/c he says it's all the same at the end of the day.