Brides Helping Brides ™ - Parents taking child free vacations...

christy Posted: Nov 15, 2003 09:02 PM

Parents taking child free vacations...

Do you feel it is ok to go on vacation for more than a weekend and leave your child with a relative? Or do you think it is totally wrong to be without your child for a vacation? Just curious...

jennbaby Posted: Nov 15, 2003 09:24 PM

Re: Parents taking child free vacations...

Christy..what's with the questions on Parenting lately

Elizabeth Posted: Nov 15, 2003 09:25 PM

Re: Parents taking child free vacations...

I dont think it's a 'right or wrong' type of question. It depends on your level of comfort and your child's level of comfort being separated. I couldnt see myself taking a vacation without my child. He's still small but I look forward to taking vacations that are suited to him - like Disneyworld etc. - as well as showing him some stuff like National Parks.

My parents did it when we were kids, my grandparents came to stay or we went to visit my cousins, which was tons of fun to me, so I never felt like I suffered.

christy Posted: Nov 15, 2003 09:48 PM

Re: Parents taking child free vacations...

No babies here,
It's just that since I am a teacher debates with DH come up all the time. Tonight I was talking about a student that was upset due to the fact that her parents went on vacation without her. My argument was that this is ok for a parent to do, and DH said NO WAY! It was interesting to debate with DH. No babies until 4-5 year Jenn. I am just very interested in children and parenting.

JustJodi Posted: Nov 15, 2003 10:11 PM

Re: Parents taking child free vacations...

JustJodi Posted: Nov 15, 2003 10:26 PM

Re: Parents taking child free vacations...

X

mlp924 Posted: Nov 16, 2003 08:53 AM

Re: Parents taking child free vacations...

We have 3 children that we take on 1 big vacation every year and a few mini ones like Hershey Park, Lake George, Montauk, etc...

Matt and I also go away alone for a weekend once or twice a year. Our marriage needs that time to reconnect. Life with kids, jobs, etc gets hectic and I feel that every couple needs alone time. We try to go out to dinner and to shows without the kids about once a month also.

When we go away for the weekend, my father's old girlfriend whois a professional nanny stays at my house with my kids. My kids have known her their entire lives and she is family as far as I'm concerned. I would not go away for longer without them at this point. My 3 year old is especially sad that we are gone but the older two look forward to the gifts they will receive and the days out with the babysitter.

Hope this helps

Claud2001 Posted: Nov 16, 2003 11:48 AM

Re: Parents taking child free vacations...

I definitely think it depends on the situation...and your child. Jeff and I take 'mini-vacations' without Paul every few months (sometimes more often). We leave him in the safe and loving hands of his grandparents and go spend a weekend together to enjoy each other's company without distractions....this is something that is healthy for ALL of us, I think.

I also know couples that do plan vacations far away without their children....whether or not to bring the children depends upon how appropriate it is for them to be with you...if you are going to a 'couples' resort for some romantic alone time or to work out a serious problem in your marriage, than leaving the children home is a must.

kptoys Posted: Nov 16, 2003 11:57 AM

Re: Parents taking child free vacations...

There will be one night before May that FH and I have a night alone. We are going to bring Emma to my moms (10 minutes away) for the night... then wedding night we are going to be alone again (5 min away from her). It will be hard to get away because she is still breastfeeding but FH and I know we need it... maybe then there will be another Emma...

anna Posted: Nov 16, 2003 09:02 PM

Re: Parents taking child free vacations...

WOW, I feel like a bad mommy, that we were considering going on a cruise back in August
Only reason we didnt go was because Johns job was hectic at that time, and grandma (johns mom) had to go back to work.
We could have gone later, and left him with nonna and nonno (my parents).

It was actually my MIL's idea and suggestion (she practically BEGGED us to go somewhere, so she could hog him up for a week or 2 )

The first time I left him at my moms for 2 nites, I was up at 5am when I had to go pick him up, I missed him SOOO MUCH...

But I really dont see anything wrong with it. I would have loved to take him on a cruise, but I see alot of points where it would have been 'non-infant friendly' and not appropriate or comfortable for him to be there. (Evening show times, days at the beach, etc). So I was really tossing the idea around about taking him or not, and then when I heard it was a full price for him to go, I really thought it would be a waste, since there was nothing for him to really enjoy. I can see if it was a Disney cruise and he was a bit older, worth every penny, but a cruise to Bermuda, an infant...we've been there before, and it didnt seem like a 'kid' vacation, so since it was more of an 'us' vacation, we would have left him with grandma. It wasnt a matter of getting away from him, it was a matter of us having some alone time, and JA spending fun and quality time with his grandma...

I dont think there's right or wrongs. ITs a matter of how you feel about it

Im counting the days that we go on family vacations to Disney!

Karen H Posted: Nov 16, 2003 09:12 PM

Re: Parents taking child free vacations...

My brother's baby had her first sleep-over at Grandma's when she was just a week or two old. My SIL and her brother both had baby's within a week of each other. Her mother offered to take both babies for a night so the parents could have a good night's sleep and it was good for everyone.

My brother and his wife continue to take vacations with and without the children. The baby stayed at home this year while her older sister was taken to Disneyland. The little one is too young to enjoy, but the older girl is at a perfect age - she worships Mickey.

As others have said, it's different for each family - not right or wrong, but what's right for you as long as the children are safely taken care of. My brother and SIL have good child care options they trust with their children and since it's been this way since the girls were young there isn't separation anxiety.

alina Posted: Nov 16, 2003 10:14 PM

Re: Parents taking child free vacations...

I think its ok if kids are old enough... I grew up going to summer camps from the age of 6 and onward, and see no problem doing the same with my kids, while the parents go away elsewhere. An responsible adult near the 'camp' for emergencies would be key in this situation.

Claud2001 Posted: Nov 16, 2003 10:17 PM

Re: Parents taking child free vacations...

Anna You are not a bad Mommy!

I think it's a sign of a great Mommy when you consider what type of vacation is appropriate for your child. A parent who thinks their child is going to be happy and tantrum-free on a beach all day and then up late every night is NOT thinking about their child's needs coming first!

Also, let's be real about parenthood, folks. The physical act of birthing a child is a defining moment in a couple's life....BUT...having children should not define who they are. Couples still have to allow themselves time to just be couples - even though they are parents.

My motto is, 'Grandparents need quality time, too!' We grew up very close to my own grandparents, and sometimes we'd plan sleepovers, and other times, they were impromtu sleepovers along with my cousins. I believe it's important for a child's confidence and sense of security to know that they can be very loved and well taken care of by other family members other than Mommy and Daddy. JMO.

Elizabeth Posted: Nov 16, 2003 10:34 PM

Re: Parents taking child free vacations...

So far Luke has only been away from us for one night. We went to a wedding that was pretty far into Jersey and it would have been very hard on everyone to go pick up Luke that night at my SILs house. I'll tell you, it was nice sleeping late the next morning (late=8:30am ) That's one thing I miss about before we were parents. But I was so excited to go get him in the morning, I felt like I couldnt get to my SILs house fast enough, how much I missed him really sunk in. I would miss him too much still to be apart for longer. I can't say how I'd feel in the future. As I said in my other post, my parent's did it quite a few times and I loved the plans they made for us, to be at my cousin's most times, it was great.

Like most things, it's a personal choice.

Anna, you are so NOT a bad Mommy, you are a GREAT Mommy!!!!

NIHA Posted: Nov 17, 2003 08:44 AM

Re: Parents taking child free vacations...

It totally depends on the child, the parents and the relationship that the child and parents have with the people who will watch the child.

At this stage, Lyla will hardly stay with Peter for more than an hour, and we pretty much do not have anyone who is comfortable babysitting her. So, there is no way that I would be able to go anywhere w/o her. But, I know other moms of small babies who are close with grandparents, and see them all the time. If the child is comfortable and the parents trust the caregiver it's fine.

My parents used to travel a lot w/o us, but they also took us a lot of places too.

phyl Posted: Nov 17, 2003 09:01 AM

Re: Parents taking child free vacations...

I think it depends on the age of the child. I have seen posts and websties that encourage new parents to take a day or two off within the first three months of the baby's life ..as a time to recharge..and that the baby is still 'unknowing' that you are not there.
Takes a LOT of planning if you go away for a weekend and are BFING! pump away, I guess.

We have gone to exactly TWO affairs without Julianne and she is 10-1/2 months old. a Bar Mitvah and one evening wedding.

but, I am planning a special trip in Jan to celebrate Rob's 40th.

DARN! I can't risk posting details or questions because he might check in here!