perplexed about my feelings...need opinions **LONG**

Ok so I have been SUPER witchy to my FH since we got engaged, which he doesnt deserve he never did anything but be extra nice and kind to me. I have been trying to figure out why and I think I figured out two reasons....
1. I noticed everytime his mother does/says something that offends me or my family I get more and more resentful towards him. He says not to tell him anymore and dont stick him in the middle of it, just everytime something happens I dispise her more and I get annoyed with him because I cant discuss it with him. I feel horrible because we have only been engagaed for a few months and our engagement party is in 3 weeks, and I dont even want to go to my own party because I dont want to be near his mother. I feel that the only thing that is keeping me from truly being happy right now is the way his mother is acting... I dont want to live my life hating his mother, thats not fair to anyone.

2. My Fh is BIG into soccer, he coaches, plays, trains, everything...and I feel that he puts it before me...seriously...I had to schedule my wedding during the off season on a weekend when there wont be any tournaments....pathetic right? I gave up what I had always dreamed of my wedding being just so it wouldnt interfere with his stupid soccer (will I have to time my pregnancy too when the time comes??). I am getting very upset with it now because the only day that I have off all week is monday and he wants to come with me to visit RH's (which isnt a problem, i am thankful he wants to go with me...) but then when I scheduled a meeting at the Riviera last week for today at 4, he tells me a few days later 'I need to be outta there my 430 so I can get to soccer practice...' I tell him no problem, just come with me, look at the place and I will take a different car and stay and ask questions. Well today he says I wont make it in time from work (Mind you he got home at 3...) I shouldnt go alone and cancel it. So whatever I canel, then he takes off next monday because his car needs service and he tells me I need to get him from the car place. Ok no problem I will get him at 7am but I tell him that if i get him we are going to places to look, he says fine as long as I get him to soccer on time....*** is it with the stupid soccer??!! Yes I play soccer too I love the sport, but I dont let it run my life....
Oh did I mention that he does about 3-4 hours of work for the soccer league a night, doesnt get paid for it then complains about not having money?? I tell him to cut back on the soccer and get a second job and he says 'No, I made a commitment to soccer I cant leave it...' I want to tell him to shut the F up and stop complaining about being broke or suck it up cut back on soccer and be proactive about getting his finances in order....

Does any of this make sense?? I just have so many thoughts going through my head and I am starting to think I made a mistake....I love FH with all my heart and want to be with him until the day I die, just all these things (his mom, feeling like soccer is more important than me) make me think 'what am i getting myself into??'

Any of you have any thoughts on this?? Should I tell him whats going through my head or should I just keep it inside and deal with it internally?
TIA girls, I am really torn up inside over this.

i dunno if it helps, but there are things that have made me question my relationship with FH as well, and my reasoning is, even with the frustrations, even with the moments of doubt, is my life better because I share it with him? My answer is yes, because he is my best friend. There are times I feel like an organization we are part of takes precedence over me, but I tell him, and we work on it together.

I would say try and talk to him about it, thats what I do. Otherwise, it winds up getting bottled up inside until it takes on a life of its own and causes problems. *hug*

I hope it all works out for you

Ok, you're in a tough situation. Have you tried to talk to FH? And I don't mean when you're already fighting. You need to sit down and have a 1-1 conversation-rationally (no yelling or point fingers). Just tell him straight out how you are feeling-about soccer and his mom. You don't want to start off your marriage on bad terms with his mom, if you don't have to. And you also don't want FH to give up something he really cares about. You will always wonder if he resents you for putting his love for soccer aside. My FH loves loves loves poker. I don't get it- I'm not into gambling and I feel that playing cards is a waste of money but the truth is that it means a lot to him and I think it's only fair he has his down time with his friends, to do as he pleases (no questions asked). Sometimes you need to make compromises (not saying you haven't already). I would tell him you arent asking or expecting him to give soccer up but to make you and your wedding an equal priority. And as for the FMIL- I would talk with him about that too. Explain how you feel and ask him for his opinion on making it better. HTH's

I agree with the post above. You really should talk to your FH. Marriage is a tricky thing. All people that get married need to adjust their lives to incorporate the needs of someone else, and that is an ongoing process. The soccer is not what will make or break the relationship. I think that what is important is that both people in a relationship need to learn to adjust to make the other person happy, without sacrificing what will make them happy. This is true in all relationships. Its tough.

That being said, I think you should really let him know about how you feel in a rational way. In order for things to work, he needs to recognize that YOU come first. Not soccer.

I agree with the girls above ~ I would sit FH down and have a heart to heart chat (not when you are in the middle of an argument) just a nice talk ~ I would tell him how you are feeling (even if it is about his mom ~ don't bash her just tell him how your feelings are hurt when she does such and such... or whatever the issue is) and the how the soccer is ruling his life ~ I totally agree with you both having your own time but when a hobby rules all your decisions in your lives that is not good also & I know he made a committment but there has to be some leeway somewhere... I hope it all works out ~ good luck!

i agree I would sit down and let him know how you feel. I bet he doesn't even realize how this is affecting you, he seems like a nice guy. it was great of you to understand his dedication to the sport, but i think for one day, for one occassioin in your life, you dont have to include soccer into it. You have the rest of your life to be accomodating. It only sounds like you will hold more and more resentment against him if you dont get this out. I'm sure he will understand and you guys will come to a compromise. as for the mother thing, thats touchy. no one likes to hear their significant other doesn't like their parent. you're going to have to make an effort, since this will be your mother in law for life. i hope it all works out for you.

This is tough. I would firstly sit down with FH and tell him exactly all of this so that he is informed.

Tell him ASAP whats going on-TRUST ME!!!!!!! its gonna build up more and more until you're going to blow up and you are going to continue resenting him day by day. You need to tell him that sorry you two are a team and if something is hurting you that you need to talk to him and he can't act like nothing is wrong. Tell him how you feel about things, whats bothering you, how you would like things to change...however, i wouldn't sit there and say it has to be like this and like that and thats it...showing him you're willing to compromise and that you also have his interest at heart. Dont make it into a fight but sit down and talk civilized and speak from the heart.

But please dont keep it in, it will only get worse

You need to sit him down and tell him all this hell let him read the post! Personally the whole thing with scheduling your wedding around his hobby that would not cut it for me. Especially if you had a date in mind and it's YOUR dream. BUt everyone is correct who wrote before me you need to tell him how you have been feeling.

Good luck
We are here for you!

i know you feel like it's not your fh's fault that his mom is rude to you. however, since you can't very well defend yourself against her at a result of your relationship with him, then he has an some obligation to defend you (albeit gently) when she's out of line. i would sit down and talk sincerely with him about your feelings and be clear about what you need from him when those situations pop up. good luck

This is the time now to 1) speak up to your FMIL...and make it known that you don't like how she talks about you and your family...period... 2) speak to your fh...and without yelling...tell him that you feel that his soccer obsession is getting in the way of your relationship...and that you have been very unhappy...and see what he tells you....hopefully you can both work this out....but if it doesn't...please just don't settle and say...'I can live it with it'...because you will resent him...and that will put more of a strain on your relationship...in addition to that...tell him that he better speak to his mother about how she talks to you...


Good Luck.....