Personal issue, need advice

Ok girls. I need some advice. This is kinda personal, but I would like to hear other opinions. Sorry if it's too long.
So FH and I are diff religions. His family is very traditional and didn't approve of him dating outside the religion. It wasn't until 4 yrs. into it, that I was allowed to go over his house and to family functions.
So now we are engaged, and my parents are happy and I've gotten crads and gifts and just a simple Congradulations from everyone in my family. I haven't gotten any congrats from anyone in his family except from his brother and sis. I have been around aunts and uncles with my ring on and no one has said a word about it, I'm not even sure his whole family knows.
This makes me very sad bc I feel like an engagement should be a very happy and special time for girls. I feel ike I am 50% being robbed of this and it bothers me. Fh doesn't understand and he just gets kinda mad when I try to talk to him about it.
Fh best friend got engaged on Sat and we went to his bbq yesterday and his (FH best friend) whole family was congradulating her and giving hugs and kisses and being so happy. I am very happy for them, but it also made me feel sad that I couldn't have that from his family.
So my question is, what advice do you guys have to kinda get through this without feeling down or let it ruin this experience?

Aww I am really sorry to hear that, FH's family can be like that too sometimes. Not for the same reasons, but just because they don't make a big deal out of anything. I would maybe say something the next time you are around them like Oh did you see my ring? Or maybe talk about the wedding around them. Maybe they will feel better if you involve them and tell them your plans so far! I am sorry, just a thought. I hope this helps. I have just come to terms with FH's family. Unfortunately I guess that is what we have to do sometimes!!

Maybe they just need to get used to the idea. I think they will come around. People can be so stubborn!

I agree... YOU try bringing it up.... say things like, oh, FH and I set a date! Or, 'did you see my ring'? Maybe once they start talking about it they will get more excited and come around. I'm sorry you have that situation!

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Posted by flairforfashion

I am sorry to hear this. What religions are both of you (If you don't mind me asking) I can't say I have this issue now but had it in the past from dating people from other religions. My only advice to you is that it'll be okay- in the end- it's just you and him. And, I think they will come around.

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I'm catholic and he's muslim.

I'm sorry . Family is a touchy subject to discuss with your significant other. Fh's family has brought up the wedding 2 times out of the month and a half we've been engaged. I try to tell myself that I can't let it bother me. It helps only the few times but I just think that I have my family and they are happy and they will always be there for me. It does hurt but you are the better person in the long run! HTH feel better!

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Posted by jenniferd

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Posted by flairforfashion

I am sorry to hear this. What religions are both of you (If you don't mind me asking) I can't say I have this issue now but had it in the past from dating people from other religions. My only advice to you is that it'll be okay- in the end- it's just you and him. And, I think they will come around.

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I'm catholic and he's muslim.

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Yea, that's usually a tough one. Honestly, I would try as best to make that culture a part of my life if I were you. I think if you do things to show the family that you are interested in the culture would help, you know? My friend was engaged to someone of Muslim culture and she at first was not accepted. So what she did was learn about it and made it part of her life. This really helped her- she is now accepted by the family. Is this something you could do?

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Posted by ELluvsMB

Every family is different. We are of the same religion but the whole family thing wasn't what I expected. People weren't as excited for us as I thought. My FH's dad’s side was really excited and called us but his moms side not at all. We even rent an apartment from his mom’s sister and brother in law and they didn't call us. I guess every family is different and they have different ways of expressing themselves. Our friends were so much more excited then anyone else was which was surprising. Do you think that they would have acted any differently if you were the same religion?

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Most definately! They are very strict and traditional. I feel like his mom is ashamed bc her son wants to marry outside the religion. There are a handful of people who have married outside the religion, but those girls had to convert, or they wanted to.

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Posted by flairforfashion

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Posted by jenniferd

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Posted by flairforfashion

I am sorry to hear this. What religions are both of you (If you don't mind me asking) I can't say I have this issue now but had it in the past from dating people from other religions. My only advice to you is that it'll be okay- in the end- it's just you and him. And, I think they will come around.

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I'm catholic and he's muslim.

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Yea, that's usually a tough one. Honestly, I would try as best to make that culture a part of my life if I were you. I think if you do things to show the family that you are interested in the culture would help, you know? My friend was engaged to someone of Muslim culture and she at first was not accepted. So what she did was learn about it and made it part of her life. This really helped her- she is now accepted by the family. Is this something you could do?

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Of course! I have bought a book to learn their language and I am constantly online trying to learn more about the religion. I make it a point to try different things when I go there for dinner. I know it will be ok, but sometimes you just have an off day, ya know? Like a call in sick type of day! Well, today is that day for me and I appreciate all of your suggestions and for all of you for taking the time to read my post.

I am sorry you are going thru this

I am going through a similar situation, not for the same reasons, but because FH's family does not seem as excited and happy as my family. This includes FH's parents...who never even said congratulations to me.

At first it upset me, but the more I thought about it, the more I decided I wasn't going to let them bring me down. This day is about me and him, not anyone else. People can think what they want to think, but at then end of the day, we are marrying each other, not them.

I completely understand why you are upset, but I also think you shouldn't let this get to you. Enjoy this time...it's one of the best times of your life. Remember this day is about celebrating your love for each other, and to enjoy this time being in engaged. It's about you two, not anyone else.

HTH

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Posted by jenniferd

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Posted by flairforfashion

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Posted by jenniferd

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Posted by flairforfashion

I am sorry to hear this. What religions are both of you (If you don't mind me asking) I can't say I have this issue now but had it in the past from dating people from other religions. My only advice to you is that it'll be okay- in the end- it's just you and him. And, I think they will come around.

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I'm catholic and he's muslim.

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Yea, that's usually a tough one. Honestly, I would try as best to make that culture a part of my life if I were you. I think if you do things to show the family that you are interested in the culture would help, you know? My friend was engaged to someone of Muslim culture and she at first was not accepted. So what she did was learn about it and made it part of her life. This really helped her- she is now accepted by the family. Is this something you could do?

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Of course! I have bought a book to learn their language and I am constantly online trying to learn more about the religion. I make it a point to try different things when I go there for dinner. I know it will be ok, but sometimes you just have an off day, ya know? Like a call in sick type of day! Well, today is that day for me and I appreciate all of your suggestions and for all of you for taking the time to read my post.

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I think you'll be fine in the long run.

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Posted by vicky1125

honestly, just try not to let it get to you. it's really not worth arguing with your FH about it. his family is family & they're not going to change. you're just going to have to except them for what they are & hope that they will come around. really sorry that you're going through this.

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Thank you

Hey. I dated a muslim guy a long time ago (I am catholic). He was bosnian and I am croatian so there was extra senstivity there. I think both sets of parents had a hard time. I think the best way to approach something like this is to try and seem intersted in their culture and be open to your children being raised knowing it. I think if your inlaws know their son will preserve the culture and carry it to his children (even if it is one of two), they will feel at ease.

Good luck. Just know that even though it is nice to feel loved by the family, FHs love is the one that really matters! They will come around and he chose you whether they do or don't1

I had a friend, from HS who I loved to death. Her father was muslim and her mother is catholic. They had a very similar situation. She is very close to her moms side but the fathers side didnt seem to want anything to do with the children or her mother.Even though the children are muslim (her mother thought if she had the children her religion the family would think differently) they still didnt put much into their lives.

But, her mother LOVES her father. It is obvious...they are still in love after 28 years of marriage. So, the question is not, what if the ydont like me, or accept us, its, in 30 years, when they are not around, are you still going to be as happy? Im sure you will but thats the way you have to look at it... its NOT about them. Yes in a perfect world they would be throwing you guys a party, but this is the world you were given, and, if they don't want to accept it... oh well to them. As long as YOU and Your FH are happy<3

to all of your FH, they are marrying such smart, beautiful women!!!