My father and mother separated three years ago because my mother caught him cheating on her. It was really messy and hurtful. This year my father married her! I wasnt happy about it and my mother is still really hurt. Well, he is bringing her to the wedding. I felt like I had to allow this since she is his wife now and my father is paying for most of the wedding. My mother has never met this woman before and I know it is going to be really painful for her to see her for the first time at the wedding. My father doesnt care and thinks that every one should be friends and my mother should get over it. My question is, do you think I could ask my father to keep her away from my mother, I mean dont introduce the two, dont try to hog to spotlight by dancing alone on the dance floor and smooching. And I dont want her introduced during the parent introductions. I know I am going to try and do this, but do you think I am being unfair to my father?
dbleplay17
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Re: Personal Problem- Sorry a little long
No it is YOUR DAY HE HE SHOULD RESPECT YOUR WISHES
but when u say it to him just dint be rund sounding
just say it is your day and u dont wanna upset your mom. Just say please dont introduce her to your mom. Just say that is not a place to do it. And just ask to curd the PDA on the dance floor
and say u dont feel comfortable introducing the 2 of them at the wedding
is your mom being introduced by herself? it is easier to say then I want each parent coming in separately.
HTH
Mrs.A2006
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Re: Personal Problem- Sorry a little long
No I don't think you are being unfair to your Father. I would talk to him alone and try to make him understand how this situation makes you uncomfortable. I think if you keep the emphasis on you and your feelings he will be more receptive to what you have to say.
Good luck!
RadioLau
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I believe you should do what you want to do. He should respect your feelings.
SunBride07
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You are not being unfair. My friend was in the same situation as you and she told her father NOT to bring the new wife - period! He wasn't happy about it but he respected her wishes. I think having her there would be extremely painful for your mother! That is not fair to her - especially on a day that is supposed to be special for both of your parents! I would talk to you dad, tell him how you feel and ask that she NOT come. Just my opinion...
ewickens
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This is your day!
1 - You haven't know the new wife for that long, so she does NOT have to be introduced. Make sure your DJ/MC knows this!!
2 - Make sure the parents are at separate tables - this will eliminate that problem with communication. Surround your Mother with those she is close to and comfortable with.
You won't be able to stop people from talking with one another, but you could ask your Dad to stay away from her for the sake of everyone's happiness for one day! A wedding is not the place to make nice with estranged people!
MariaCJ
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I absolutely know how you feel about this situation- I'm kinda going through the same thing. I just told my father that I love him and that I'm glad that he's happy. BUT i also said that it would make me very uncomfortable to know that my mother was uncomfortable. At first he was a little upset but I think your father will understand that it is YOUR wedding and if he respects you and your FH, he would try to be as accomodating as possible. So that means no intros and no private smooching session on the dance floor. I don't think you're being unfair- you're just trying to keep the peace. Good luck.
CLMon7906
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I agree with the others....considering the circumstances, he should keep them apart....it might be a little much to say she can't come at all....but keep her totally out of the spotlight...it's not like he married her when you were 10 and she helped raise you, so you really owe her nothing in the way of respect as far as 'special treatment' at your wedding. By that I mean her being introduced to everyone as your step-mother or even to your mother and things like that....you should be nice to her, she's older and your father's wife after all....but you do not need to show her any additional courtesies that you would had things been amicable for years. (I hope that doesn't come off like I'm saying be mean...computers lack tone. )
As far as the 'she should get over it' stuff...your mom is entitled to be hurt as long as she wants and your father really doesn't get to say how she feels since he broke her heart. JMO.
TimDogsGal
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i agree with everyone else.... your not being unfair. I am sure it is still painful for your mother and she shouldn't have to be upset on her daughter's wedding day....also I don't think your father's wife should be introduced at the wedding....it's not like she raised you or anything.
PrincessConsuela
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okay i have been in a similar but not exact situation.
i think they should meet before the wedding at least once. so that your mother doesnt have that stress on her and she can enjoy the wedding day.
good luck.
chapel06
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Thanks for all the support! I just needed to know that I wasnt being a spoiled baby about the whole situation. I love my father very much and he has always been there for me, especially for this wedding. But he refuses to see the problems he has caused.
SIBride06
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IMO.. Your father should already know not to do something like that - especially at your wedding. Why not break the ice at the rehersal dinner? Invite them all, so there will be no weird feelings at the wedding. Your father should understand why this would be uncomfortable. I feel bad for your poor mom
SIBride06
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Posted by vixchik
I agree with the others....considering the circumstances, he should keep them apart....it might be a little much to say she can't come at all....but keep her totally out of the spotlight...it's not like he married her when you were 10 and she helped raise you, so you really owe her nothing in the way of respect as far as 'special treatment' at your wedding. By that I mean her being introduced to everyone as your step-mother or even to your mother and things like that....you should be nice to her, she's older and your father's wife after all....but you do not need to show her any additional courtesies that you would had things been amicable for years. (I hope that doesn't come off like I'm saying be mean...computers lack tone. )
As far as the 'she should get over it' stuff...your mom is entitled to be hurt as long as she wants and your father really doesn't get to say how she feels since he broke her heart. JMO.
This was very well said.
BlueTulip
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To be honest, I would seat them at tables on opposite sides of the room (no one says you have to have all the bride's family on one side and all the groom's family on the other).
I would also give the DJ instructions of how to line people up for the introductions and tell your dad you did so. Tell him who IS included in the line up and who he IS walking with (or maybe he walks alone). I wouldn't outright tell him 'she is not walking' unless he asks. And when he does ask about her, I would tell him that the Intro's are just for B&G, BP, and parents (and GP if you choose). That's it.
Good luck!
mrsh2b
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Posted by PrincessConsuela
okay i have been in a similar but not exact situation.
i think they should meet before the wedding at least once. so that your mother doesnt have that stress on her and she can enjoy the wedding day.
good luck.
I agree with that. Who needs all that akwardness the day of the wedding? That's a tough situation. But, like the other girls, I agree that they absolutely should be a different tables, set apart. And you should definitely talk to your dad beforehand about PDA and announcements and all of that.
Bigbroad555
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No you are not being rude or unfair... You do what YOU WANT it is YOUR WEDDING and don't let anyone forget that when they try to make you feel bad..
If they don't like it then tell them don't come ..
tonimike
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I agree with everyone, except I would consider sitting my dad down, & honestly telling him how u feel.. I mean he has to respect that.. Besides being there for u is what matters, & im sure he will understand,,
Nadia
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I agree with everyone too. This is your wedding, and you should talk to your father about that and I believe he will understand your feeling if you tell him the truth.
Boston&NY2006
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My FH's parents got divorced in 2001 because his mom cheated on his dad. When his brother got married in 2003, his mom brought her new husband (the guy she'd had an affair with) to the wedding.
FBIL asked that his parents still be introduced together and 'The parents of the Groom,' and made sure that only his actual parents were in the spotlight. He really did a good job preventing any awkward situations, and his parents were really cooperative.
I would just talk to your father and let him know that you don't want the focus to be on him and his new wife. You are his daughter, I'm sure he'll respect your wishes.
chapel06
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Thanks for all the great advice! I've tried talking to my father about how I feel and he always gets really defensive and says stuff like it wasnt just his fault, because he wasnt happy. But I am not going to give up because this is very important to me.
