My father and mother separated three years ago because my mother caught him cheating on her. It was really messy and hurtful. This year my father married her! I wasnt happy about it and my mother is still really hurt. Well, he is bringing her to the wedding. I felt like I had to allow this since she is his wife now and my father is paying for most of the wedding. My mother has never met this woman before and I know it is going to be really painful for her to see her for the first time at the wedding. My father doesnt care and thinks that every one should be friends and my mother should get over it. My question is, do you think I could ask my father to keep her away from my mother, I mean dont introduce the two, dont try to hog to spotlight by dancing alone on the dance floor and smooching. And I dont want her introduced during the parent introductions. I know I am going to try and do this, but do you think I am being unfair to my father?
waterspout4
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Re: Personal Problem- Sorry a little long
She doesn't have to be introduced. You barely even know who she is.
FallBride05
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Re: Personal Problem- Sorry a little long
I have a complicated family, and we decided to not do any introductions/parent dances, etc... We were the only ones introduced at the reception. And we told the band part way through our first dance to invite all our guests to dance. This way, there was no awkwardness and nobody's feelings got hurt.
October Bliss
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Re: Personal Problem- Sorry a little long
Posted by chapel06
Thanks for all the great advice! I've tried talking to my father about how I feel and he always gets really defensive and says stuff like it wasnt just his fault, because he wasnt happy. But I am not going to give up because this is very important to me.
IMHO, those words are a cop out, but if that is what you dad is giving you then that is what you have to go with.
I would start off by saying you don't want him to get defensive, that the conversation you want to have with him has nothing to do with who was or wasn't at fault in the past, because the reality is it doesn't matter at all anymore whose fault it was - they are divorced, he is remarried and that's all there is to it. Then tell him you want to discuss your wedding, and your vision for the day - the way you dreamed about when you were a little girl. Then launch into how you always envisioned daddy walking you down the aisle (or both parents, whichever it was), etc etc. Stick with the mushy stuff that will make him realize his little girl is getting married and make him want to do everything he can to see your dream come true. Then tell him to keep the peace you will sitting him & new wife away from your mom, and to please minimize contact, since although he is doing well (and that's great - for him), your mom is not, and you only want happy humans around you on your wedding day.
Good luck, and don't let him get you down!!
akaMrsT
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Re: Personal Problem- Sorry a little long
My parents were divorced about 20 years ago but they were still introduced into the reception together. My mom's long time boyfriend (of almost 20 years) was at the wedding and my dad's current girlfriend was at the wedding too.
My parents and their dates sat at the same table. They agreed to this in advance and neither balked at the idea at all.
To make sure there was no drama I sat my dad's parents and my mom's mother at the table with them all
I'm sure your dad will be just as understanding as my parents. Good luck.
ETA: My parents are not friends at all although they live about 5 minutes from each other. They became very cordial during our engagement. They even took photos together - just the two of them
2Be1
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Re: Personal Problem- Sorry a little long
this is a sticky situation. What is your relationship with this woman? Do you get along well with her? Personally, if it were me I would tell my father not to bring her because I would not want to create an uncomfortable atmosphere at my wedding, but since he is paying for majority of the wedding he may try to put his foot down. I know it sounds petty but would mom feel better if she had a really hot date to 'show off' okay, no, that probably would not make the situation better. IDK hun, I guess all I can offer right now is
chapel06
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Re: Personal Problem- Sorry a little long
sorry, must've posted the same thing twice.
jenntony
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Re: Personal Problem- Sorry a little long
would it be possible for them to meet before the wedding so there isn't so much tension around them????
