Re: Phil's Field Guide to Trolls -- An Analysis of Forum Fauna

...My first fight with a gang? I was in high school ...I was determined that no one was going to get my buddy from behind. The gang guys all started taking off their belts and rolling them up on their fists. We walked out of that fight at the end of that fight and he had no more trouble from that gang as long as he lived there ...It was a stand up fight. I think I wouldn't let myself go down because I didn't want to let my buddy down.

...We showed up at the agreed upon time and place and there were about 20 of the Chinese gang members who were there to make sure there was a 'fair fight.' Sure, that was why there were 20 of them against the three of us and they used pipes and knives. 'Course we used nunchucks, three sectional staff, and chain whip. That ended the fight real quick.

...Anyway, we could go on and on with this stuff...



Look at Me, Look at Me

The VTG likes to start things off quickly. He'll introduce himself to a forum by telling everyone things he assumes they must know, since obviously everyone is interested in his personal style and statistics. No one has asked, but the VTG is more than happy to march in and announce his credentials to those assembled.

Hi, I'm new here! Let me give you a little background. I'm 6', 215lbs, and built like a He-Man action figure. I'm old enough to have some experience, but too young to feel it yet.



The Mean Streets

The VTG invariably hails from a tough life on 'the street,' where he accumulated the majority of his deadly fighting experience. Often he will claim to be a former Bad Guy of some type, perhaps making references to the terrible temper he once possessed over which he's now managed to gain control. Much as half the Christians one meets in America Online's Christian chat rooms claim to be reformed Occultists, VTGs quite often claim to be criminals, thugs, and gang bangers who've seen the light. Of course, their brutish pasts would make such folk People With Whom You'd Best Not Trifle -- and that's what VTGs want you to think.

I used to be a real street punk, man. I was the kind of Bad Guy a lot of you are talking about defending yourselves against. I've matured a bit, and grown out of it, but I still remember what it was like to fight for fun. Over the years I picked a lot up from experience. Metal shows, brawls, and street fights over everything from girlfriends to articles of clothing. I studied a few MAs, but mostly reading, and watching demonstrations. As for practice, I've sparred pretty much constantly for the last 15 years with whoever I happened to hang out with. I've had every style I've heard of used on me, and found out what works on them. I also compare notes a lot with my sparring partners.



Unverifiable Style

A known, quantifiable style is the mortal enemy of the VTG. Most self-defense and martial arts enthusiasts are familiar with the specifics of a variety of known styles and techniques. If the VTG were to construct his fictitious background from these, his lack of real knowledge would quickly become obvious, and posters who tried to pin him down would be able to talk him into a corner from which he could not escape.

No, the VTG only rarely admits to a specific style background -- and if he does, the more obscure it is, the better. He may claim to have been taught by a single individual, a Wise Old Asian Master to rival the legendary greats of ancient Japan or China. Most often, though, he'll just tell you that his personal style is an eclectic mix of things he's picked up in his travels. For a lot of genuine martial artists and self-defense enthusiasts, this is true -- but VTGs only very rarely will be able to point to specific component styles. One in a thousand VTGs can try to explain how certain techniques from component styles would work together, but this, too, is rare.

I am not formally trained, but I have a lot of experience. This has evolved into my own personal self defense style. Right off, I will point out that that is exactly what it is. A last resort SHTF survival method when I can't avoid a fight. I say this because I can't point to a style, and say 'That's what I do.' Most of you guys can pick Karate, aikido, or Wu-Shu out of a lineup, and know where to look up the rest. This will just give you some idea of where I'm coming from. As always, it works for me, but your results may vary.



Those Who Can't Do...

With great regularity, VTGs will admit -- sometimes reluctantly -- that they also teach martial arts or self-defense. It's all very informal, of course, but the VTG wants you to know that he or she has helped others along the path of the true warrior. He or she is that good, after all -- why wouldn't someone with such skills impart them to willing students?

(Another variation on this theme is comprised of Scientific VTGs. Scientifics will claim to have performed some extensive and lengthy period of research into a given topic, and will make up facts and figures based on this personal and unverifiable body of evidence.)

In rare cases, VTGs will actually claim to be paid instructors actively teaching self-defense or the martial arts in some physical location. They normally will be very circumspect about this, for obvious reasons.

I've informally taught SD, but rather than teaching a system of dances, I basically show people how to develop their own skills. This is lumped under training, because I learn a lot teaching. I also pick up a lot from them, who generally know this or that in the other style.



Its Only a Flesh Wound

Your average VTG has been there and done that, man. He's been shot, he's been stabbed, he's been cut. He's won countless fights and lost a few, too.

I've been in a lot of fights, and defended myself from all kinds of weapons. I've been shot once, stabbed once, and cut countless times.

I Don't Want to Brag

The VTG will tell you he's not bragging, perhaps even tell you he doesn't want to discuss his past. All the while he's doing this, he hopes you will want to know. And of course he is bragging, but his boasts are hidden behind a shield of false modesty.

Though I lack formal training, I have enough experience to beat some who do. I'm not bragging here. Just trying to get us all on the same frequency.



Questionable Information

The average VTG loves to be the center of attention, and he wants you to believe he's an expert. To that end he's constantly telling you what he thinks he knows. The problem is that he's basically ignorant -- and, as a result, he'll contradict himself. Apart from contradictions, he'll often dispense information that's just plain false or based on misconceptions. When this happens, other forum members are quick to smell blood.

You know, it doesn't take much to be lethal with a knife. It's lethal for you, so if you can manage not to cut yourself, and put it into the other guy, you win...

...I carry a knife, but it's primarily a tool. I will use it on someone in self defense, but it's not my primary choice. My reasons are varied, but in short, a knife is very lethal, but lacks 'stopping power'.

Re: Phil's Field Guide to Trolls -- An Analysis of Forum Fauna

Me Too, Me Too

A VTG can't stand it when he or she has nothing to add, fictitious or otherwise, to a conversation. As a result, the VTG often will chime in simply to agree with what's being said. This, by itself, doesn't really raise red flags -- but often the VTG will behave as if he or she has discovered something new when he or she is simply restating the opinions of other participants in a discussion.

Yeah, I've done that. Oh, I agree. Yeah, that squares with my experience. Mmm, yes, I've taught that one to friends and had it used on me as well.



Can I Lick That Shoe, Sir?

A suspicious moderator is the bane of VTGs. The smart VTG knows this, and will do his best to ingratiate himself with those who have power and influence. The VTG knows that many moderators and administrators, being human, are susceptible to having their egos stroked. What he or she may not know is that some moderators see straight through this technique -- and feel nothing but contempt for it.

Wow! I wish I'd written that. That's one of the best quotes I've ever heard.



Legends in Their Own Minds

A VTG can't help but create fanciful stories that are increasingly over the top. As a result, he or she will describe behavior so absurd as to border on self-parody. This is easily spotted, and sometimes sounds the beginning of the spiral of self-destruction that is a VTG who has been caught in his or her web of tall tales.

Fighting with pool cues, eh? I've done that, but if memory serves, my technique was closer to Florentine sword and dagger. The lighter pointy end forward, and low to parry, and nice heavy end high to strike with. Of course, I couldn't cut, or stab, so the strikes where a lot less linear. It may sound kind of unorthodox, but I was outnumbered, so I wanted to put on as much show as I could.



Conclusion

Virtual Tough Guys are a minor nuisance. At least, they would seem so -- except that some people might take what they say seriously. Those who see through their facades become increasingly impatient with the utter hogwash spewed by VTGs, too, which ultimately decreases legitimate participants' enjoyment of a discussion. By keeping the warning signs in mind, you may be able to spot a VTG before he or she uses you (and those whose virtual company you enjoy) to gratify his or her need for attention.