PITA BM - part deux...

Ok, so I have come to the conclusion that I am going to ask one of my BMs to step down from the BP, via e-mail (gutless, I know, I just don't do well in conversation - plus she's an absolute beast when she's confronted). The only problem is that I just don't know what to say...
For those that don't have any idea as to what I'm talking about here's the thread from a couple of days ago - PITA BM thread...

Here's what I've put in it so far - I just don't know what else to say:

After a number of sleepless nights, I have come to a conclusion that has been very difficult. It is more than likely considered 'sheepish' to communicate via email - but if you know me as well as I hope you do, you know I don't do well in conversation... I am 'better' in writing. So, here goes nothing:
I know that what is going on with your life is the number one priority for you - as it should be - I wouldn't expect you to do anything any different. With that said, I am having a hard time with the fact that the commitment you made, over a year ago, to be in our bridal party has been pushed so far to the bottom of the list of priorities, that it's barely there.
I guess what I am asking of you, is to step down from the bridal party. You have financial commitments that are mandatory and you need to meet them head on without any other concerns - but at the same time, these commitments are causing me stress as well... not just recently, but over time (we've already discussed this same thing a couple of months ago). Other people in the bridal party have purchased a home in the interim and their financial burdens were not put on me.
You are probably considering me to be selfish or spoiled, but I need to start putting me and my life first - November 24th is the most important day of my life, just as your wedding was for you. I really don't what else to say right now - this is my decision, take it as you choose.


I haven't sent the email yet - I'm going to sit on it for a day or so - and go back to see if I need to remove anything (or add) due to emotions...
I think of all the time and money and emotion I put into being in her BP, it makes me so upset... But, with everything that's gone on over the last year - I just don't know what to do - PLEASE HELP!!!

I feel bad that it has to come to this for you.....

This stinks - I'm sorry you have to deal with this

I'm not sure I'd leave in the part about other people buying houses and not making it your problem. I totally know what you mean but it sounds kind of snarky to me. I would also just tell her you're asking her to step down instead of saying 'you guess' you are - so there's no doubt about what you are asking. And also I might kill the last paragraph altogether. I know you said she called you spoiled and selfish before, and it really hurt your feelings, so don't put words in her mouth again - just leave it as, I'm sorry I had to do this but I think it's for the best for both of us. if you want to stay friends with her you might add a line about hoping for that. I still think you should punch her though

I think that you need to re-write the email - as of now, it looks like you are the bad guy.

Write an email saying that there is no way you can afford to pay for her dress. So if she cannot find a way to pay for it, then she will have to back-out. Mention how much this will break your heart, but you understand that she has to do, what she has to do.

This way if she backs out- she looks like the bad guy.


HTH

OK I think if this is the way you feel and have been feeling, then you shoudl ask her to step down. I like the fact that you addressed that it is an eamil and why. I think you should not ask he to stepdown, but tell her you would like her to just be a guest at this point, to releive her financial burden as well as maintain a friendship.

I LOVE the idea that you sit on it for a dy or two to let your emotions even out, very good idea. I hope her beastlyness doesn't arise due to this email, just awakens her to the fact that she has stressed you unneccassarily and takes it all to heart. GL

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Posted by August12

I think that you need to re-write the email - as of now, it looks like you are the bad guy.

Write an email saying that there is no way you can afford to pay for her dress. So if she cannot find a way to pay for it, then she will have to back-out. Mention how much this will break your heart, but you understand that she has to do, what she has to do.

This way if she backs out- she looks like the bad guy.


HTH

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I agree with this ... Instead of asking her to step down, put it in her court.