Pity party for me...

and Im sorry because all I feel I do is ***** and complain and this is SUPPOSED to be the happiest time in my life. I am so unhappy and it is seriously raining on my wedding parade to the point where I have been getting physically sick. I dont ever sleep and I have been breaking out like crazy.

Anyway, it is pretty definate that my job is going to be eliminated due to cutting a program out of the english department. There is a chance I could move down to the middle school for a year but I would have to re interview and take a leave replacement. There is issues with that because Id have to find out if I would get the same pay on year 2 instead of 1 annnnddddd if it would count toward my tenure. Also, after that leave is up (the girl isnt coming back but it taking her full 3 years of family leave in case of emergency) I wouldhave to reapply and interview for the probationary position. It is a lot of political ******** and they would have the ability to really screw me over if they wanted to.

I cant tell you guys how badly I want to stay where I am. Leaving this job is going to be emotionally draining as it will be my THiRD school that Im leaving in 3 years and I would have to deal with leaving and packing up my beautiful classroom TWO weeks before the wedding. I have made great friends here and really feel as if I could make a difference.

I am completely disheartened and feel as if I am not accomplishing anything as a teacher. I work my *** off for one year, design lessons, curriculum, spend hours reading and researching to make things better and then I leave and have to start all over. I am emotionally drained and feel like such a loser. I am GOOD at my job, Im a GOOD person... I love this school and I really thought I would finally get to have a 'home' there.

I am also taking two classes in grad school this semester and now I have to add resumes, interviews and applications to the pile of **** I have to get done......and dont even get me started on the 35 item list we have to complete for the wedding.

We went to see a morgage broker last week and I was exicted to hear what we actually could afford (even though I was in panic mode) and now Im worried I wont have a job to pay for anything. I cant believe I might have to start off my MARRIED life living at home with my parents... we have been living apart for SEVEN years and I just think it would be awful to start off that way.

My gram is waiting till wednesday to find out about her leg. She has been having major problems with an open wound shes had on her foot for years and they found out her bone is infected. They will either need to do vascular surgery or cut off her toe or worse... You guys know how close I am to my gram and it is killing me.

UGHHHHHHHHH.... I feel like i have been such a miserable and cynical person the last year and a half and it is making me so upset because I dont want to be one of THOSE people that everyone hates to be around because they are just utterly miserable and are always upset and stressed out.

Anyway.. I just wanted to apologize for not being around so much. I have been reading everyones posts, but I just dont respond much.

I also apologize for how poorly written this post is.....Im just at a loss right now and needed to vent.

feel better

Oh Jenn I'm so sorry you are going through all this. I almost lost my job in Nov (they told me I was laid off and then decided against it at last minute so there is still hope for you) and it was the WORST feeling in the world. I couldn't eat, sleep, or think for the whole ordeal. I don't know what to tell you about the job, the last thing you need on your plate is job hunting. But as they always say-when one door closes another one opens. Hang in there, you are marrying the man of your dreams and things WILL turn around for you. It's always suprising how things work out and we are all here to support you through everything. Don't feel bad about venting to us- if this is what helps you then by all means vent away!! Good luck with everything.

Being a teacher I know what it's like when you are trying to get your foot in the door. Unfortunately, you have to jump through a lot of hoops. If you love it there than I say you stay and do as they ask. They will see you are dedicated to them, regardless of the $$$- I know that is difficult right now. I bounced from sub to leave replacement to APD to leave replacement the first two years in my district. But I stuck through and it paid off! I finally got a probationary appt and tenure. Jobs are hard to come by on LI and not every district is great to work in. When you find one that fits you- do what you can do to stay.

If you love it stick with it. If it doesn't work out and you move on the longer you are in a district the better it looks on your resume.

Good Luck! FM me if you need to talk.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time and are so unhappy. We're here for you to vent

Im so sorry you are going thru all this......lots of and just try to take one day at a time!! You sound like a very dedicated teacher and a caring granddaughter and I hope everything works out for the best!!

Sorry to hear you are going thru this!!

Jenn I'm soo sorry things are yucky right now....things will turn around, hang in there...things work out for the best & I can totally relate to the teacher situation.....

Sorry you have all of this to deal with. Just breathe, relax and ask Fiance to help you through it. Remember for better or for worse, everything will work out..

Jen,
I am so sorry I feel your pain. school, work, life is enough stress. W/out resumes and grad school. I am seriously dropping a course cause i have cried every night this week that I can't do this anymore. I am sorry and know that this weeding stuff is not easy,
We are all going crazy. My only solice is to find time on here around 6am to post. Otherwise my day is packed.
Good Luck and post away!!!! We all need to vent. I give it to FH about how overwhelemed I am. I want to scream.
I hope things work themselves out. Good luck and FM me is you want to rant with me.

Jenn... I wish I could just reach out & hug you right now You have a lot ot deal with on your plate right now- I commend you for being as stong as you have been thus far...

This part of life is tough - for anyone..

The day of my engagement party, I was running really late. The lady that was doing my hair at the salon saw how frazzled I was & gave me some words of advice that I thought I could pass on to you...

This is gods way of testing who we are as a person. Not to get all religious & all, but what she was trying to tell me is that life throws some bad pitches at us. It is up to us to decide which ones to swing at. We can only handle so much as human beings-but its the WAY we handle things indicate what kind of a person we are.

Im glad you decided to come on these boards & vent. Afterall.. we are all here to lend a shoulder to cry on or a hug & kiss

Although I have absolutely NO solution to your troubles, I sincerely wish that I could help. You are a great girl, & I know that you will make it through this really rough time in life. You are marriying that man that you love, you have a family that will support you through this and us girls here on the website that will offer an ear & some hugs when things are going lousy.

I hope you can get through this. We are all in this together. Stay strong & keep your head up- Like I always say. Thinfgs always find a way of working itself out in the end.

Jenn, I am so sorry you are going through all this & on top of it, so close to the wedding

All I can say is, you have to stay strong & not let these situations ge the best of you even though they are important parts of your life!!! It might be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but remember the MOST important thing, you are marrying your FH no matter what happens with the months before!!!

I am so sorry - that totally stinks about your job. I hope everything works out so you can stay where you are - it seem like you have made a nice niche for yourself. Hopefully Fate will take you where you are supposed to be And vent all you like - getting it out can be cathartic

I am so sorry you are going through all of this. My MOH is a teacher, and is friends with a lot of others. I will ask her if she knows of any openings. I don't know if you're willing to work in eastern Queens, but I could ask for you.

That might not be necessary, they might see your dedication and love for the job and find a way to keep you on. You are a strong person, and I know you can get through this.

If you need anything, whether it's a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to hear you vent, then we're all here for you!!

I'll say a prayer for you that things get easier.

Jen - your post was not a pity party, please don't feel that way. We have all gone through things and come to the boards to vent and get support and a few .

Try to remember to breathe, and once you get a handle on that, take it one day at a time. Don't stress over things you cannot control (although I know it is easier to stop stressing over things that are in your control because all you have to do is take action and fix it).

We are all here for you!!

Just wanted to add . . . when a door closes, a window opens - so keep an eye out.