Please help...

Okay girls, I will try to keep this very long story as short as I can, but I REALLY need some advice.
Half of my bridesmaids, the ones that are 'friends', ask me if I have seen the invitation to my bridal shower(DUH)! I said no, they said their names were not on it as 'given by'. They said that just because they did not give my mom any $$ towards the shower, she left their names off. HUH? So they feel like idiots and they feel like my mom has slapped them in the face. One of my BMs said she can't be part of this, she can't walk down the aisle thinking everyone is talking about her. So she dropped out, and I asked the other 2 if they felt the same way, they said they didn't know. Then one called my and said she wouldn't do that to me, that she made a commitment to me. So one is in, one is out, the other, I don't know.
So my first question, is what do I do from here?
My second question, is do I still invite to the wedding the BM or BMs that drop out of my bridal party? FH says no...they hurt me too much and this is devastating to have your 'closest' friends do this to you 4 months before the wedding. Please help girls!? Thanks!

Do you have other BM who are family? Or is just your Mom listed as hosted by? A little confused....

Maybe talk to your mom and see what the deal is? Is your mom the type to do things like that purposely?

I'm not sure what to do!

Were some BM's names on the shower invite because they gave $, and others not on there because they didn't give $?

Did your mom ask them for $ and they didn't want to give?

In my family, the mother of the bride and/or groom throw the shower, the BMs aren't involved monetarily (maybe a little in the planning), so their names aren't on the invitation.

Did she put your other bridesmaids names on the invite? If not, then I don't see what the problem is...maybe i'm confused, I feel like i'm not getting the whole story right....if your mom is paying for it all, then technically she is the one hosting....

Also, tell them no one is going to be gossipping about them when they're walking down the aisle, that's just silly.

Honestly I would be upset that as a BM we weren't listed on the invitation as giving the party as well. I believe (and this is my opinion) that they should be listed on the invitation. That is my opinion though.

BUT....I would not drop out of being a BM because of it. I think that is a little much.

so your mom filled it out as if just her and a few BMs are hgosting it?

i dunno i think it should have only had your moms name or said her your mother and the BP......... i honestly think it was a little rude but i wouldnt drop out ause of it....they bught their dresses and stuff already they would be out $$........ but at the same time i see where your mom was comming from by leaving them out.......


im stummped i can understand it from both sides, i def wouldnt drop out of the BP over it!

She asked them to help and they said it was not the resp. of the BP to pay for the shower. So my mom, aunt, 2 cousins and sister in law (all family) are doing the shower. She asked them to help, they said no.

No, my mom is not the type to do things on purpose. She probably figured since they didn't want to help, she would leave it as family hosting the shower. I did talk to her and she said she did ask them to help and they said their jon was the bachelorette party.

What do you think I should do about inviting the dropped out BM to the wedding? I feel like I should be the better person and invite them.

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Posted by Annoulak

PS - regarding the BM who dropped out...i think she's over-reacting...it's not HER day so most of the people won't be focusing on her at YOUR wedding

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That's what I keep thinking, and she even said it is my day, but then why would people be talking about her. Most of the people invited don't even KNOW her!!!

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Posted by missliss

Did she put your other bridesmaids names on the invite? If not, then I don't see what the problem is...maybe i'm confused, I feel like i'm not getting the whole story right....if your mom is paying for it all, then technically she is the one hosting....

Also, tell them no one is going to be gossipping about them when they're walking down the aisle, that's just silly.

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i agree totally.. im a little confused. My mom is paying for my shower. my sis/moh and 1 BM (of 5) helped her. My mother is the host...her name goes on.

Its like copying a paper and putting your name at the top. I wouldnt invite her honestly. These are the littlest things out of all the HUGE things that can happen with weddings. Grow up. Its simple.

Let it cool off and see how she reacts after the shower. Then determine if u want to invite her. IF she is going to send that overreacting your way, the lack of an invite would send something back her way.

IMO - my wedding alone is beyond stressful, as I am sure you are nodding your head reading this bc yours prob is too....that this is just shinanegans and we dont have time for that. This isnt highschool. Grow up - you dont have time for this, and neither does mom - whos being a good egg and paying for your shower.

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Posted by susdoug

She asked them to help and they said it was not the resp. of the BP to pay for the shower. So my mom, aunt, 2 cousins and sister in law (all family) are doing the shower. She asked them to help, they said no.

No, my mom is not the type to do things on purpose. She probably figured since they didn't want to help, she would leave it as family hosting the shower. I did talk to her and she said she did ask them to help and they said their jon was the bachelorette party.

What do you think I should do about inviting the dropped out BM to the wedding? I feel like I should be the better person and invite them.

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That is different. It is one thing if your mom didn't ask for help at all and then just left them out. That is not fair then. But if she asked them for even help and they said no then I think she has a right to do that.

I wouldn't invite the BM who dropped out...if she's that concerned about what others will say about her, then let her stay home and think it by herself...if she asks why she wasn't invited, I would say, 'I wanted to spare you the humiliation of being talked about for dropping out of the bridal party'

Obviously I don't know what sort of a friendship and relationship you have with her, but if a 'friend' of mine did that to me, I wouldn't invite her.

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Posted by susdoug

She asked them to help and they said it was not the resp. of the BP to pay for the shower. So my mom, aunt, 2 cousins and sister in law (all family) are doing the shower. She asked them to help, they said no.

No, my mom is not the type to do things on purpose. She probably figured since they didn't want to help, she would leave it as family hosting the shower. I did talk to her and she said she did ask them to help and they said their jon was the bachelorette party.

What do you think I should do about inviting the dropped out BM to the wedding? I feel like I should be the better person and invite them.

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if your mom asked the BP to contribute, they said no, and your family is throwing you the shower, your family should be listed as hosting. i dont think your mom did anything wrong?

if a few BMs said no and others said yes, then it's a little awkward to just list some and not others so i would say to list them all.

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Posted by Annoulak

I wouldn't invite the BM who dropped out...if she's that concerned about what others will say about her, then let her stay home and think it by herself...if she asks why she wasn't invited, I would say, 'I wanted to spare you the humiliation of being talked about for dropping out of the bridal party'

Obviously I don't know what sort of a friendship and relationship you have with her, but if a 'friend' of mine did that to me, I wouldn't invite her.

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Thanks...she has been a very good friend of mine for the past 8 years and has been through a lot with me. I have always thought of her as a big sister. When she told me this (at work) and then walked out of the building, I really felt like she walked out on me and that I may never speak to her again.

I agree I would not invite her. I think the whole 'hosting' thing got blown out of proportion. Her response of dropping out almost makes me think she was looking for a reason to not be in your wedding. I am sorry to say that, its just my opinion.

You will have a wonderful shower and a beautiful wedding. You do NOT need that drama around you anyway

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Posted by susdoug

She asked them to help and they said it was not the resp. of the BP to pay for the shower. So my mom, aunt, 2 cousins and sister in law (all family) are doing the shower. She asked them to help, they said no.

No, my mom is not the type to do things on purpose. She probably figured since they didn't want to help, she would leave it as family hosting the shower. I did talk to her and she said she did ask them to help and they said their jon was the bachelorette party.

What do you think I should do about inviting the dropped out BM to the wedding? I feel like I should be the better person and invite them.

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what if you explain it the way you just did to us to the BM...maybe she will unerstand that your mom decided to just have the family host it?