Please help...

1st of all, if they didn't fund the shower they should not be on the invite as a shower participant.

2nd, the behavior of the BM who backed out is disgusting and uncalled for.

I would invite the begrudged BM out of courtesy.

WHat happened is so so so so so foul. I am so sorry this happened and my heart is breaking for you. Too many times people forget what a wedding is all about, but more importantly who it's for. It isn't for any of your BM's that's for sure!

Best of luck sorting this out!

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Posted by susdoug

She asked them to help and they said it was not the resp. of the BP to pay for the shower. So my mom, aunt, 2 cousins and sister in law (all family) are doing the shower. She asked them to help, they said no.

No, my mom is not the type to do things on purpose. She probably figured since they didn't want to help, she would leave it as family hosting the shower. I did talk to her and she said she did ask them to help and they said their jon was the bachelorette party.

What do you think I should do about inviting the dropped out BM to the wedding? I feel like I should be the better person and invite them.

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Umm I always thought it WAS the resp. of the BP to host the shower
According to the wedding edicate books the family isn't supposed to host the shower, it makes it look like the family is asking people to give you more gifts. So your friends or BP should host.

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Posted by jeanne08

Umm I always thought it WAS the resp. of the BP to host the shower
According to the wedding edicate books the family isn't supposed to host the shower, it makes it look like the family is asking people to give you more gifts. So your friends or BP should host.

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Good point!

in response to all of this and all of the comments:

who the heck has the right to be so darned demanding anyway? Seriously, since when does everyone, especially these days, follow ettiquette to a 'T'. No one I know, that's for sure!

Even if Mom and family is hosting the shower, seriously who cares? It is less money being spent by the BP and that, IMHO, is a great thing!

How is it that Mom and BP have had no real communication? How did it get so crossed if there was communication?

If your BP really had no idea what was going down, they would have been planning a shower for you and you might have had 2.

If your BP, or that person in general is pissy, it's on them.

this is YOUR shower, not THEIR moment of glory.

Boo Hiss...................

ok maybe i am in the minority here but that is the STUPIDEST thing i have ever heard

she is dropping out of YOUR wedding bc of something you had nothing to do with? WHY is she even talking to YOU about YOUR shower?

what the eff - i would punch her in the ovaries

anyway, my mom cousin and sister threw my shower and that is who was on the invitation. my cousin and sister were also in the BP

my other BMs were not on the invitation - actually that is the stupidest thing i have ever heard why would i expect to be on an invitation that i didnt put any money towards the party?

i swear, i hate people sometimes and i am sorry to go on and on but i am so mad for you!

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Posted by jeanne08

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Posted by susdoug

She asked them to help and they said it was not the resp. of the BP to pay for the shower. So my mom, aunt, 2 cousins and sister in law (all family) are doing the shower. She asked them to help, they said no.

No, my mom is not the type to do things on purpose. She probably figured since they didn't want to help, she would leave it as family hosting the shower. I did talk to her and she said she did ask them to help and they said their jon was the bachelorette party.

What do you think I should do about inviting the dropped out BM to the wedding? I feel like I should be the better person and invite them.

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Umm I always thought it WAS the resp. of the BP to host the shower
According to the wedding edicate books the family isn't supposed to host the shower, it makes it look like the family is asking people to give you more gifts. So your friends or BP should host.

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I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this! The above post is totally correct..those girls are lucky that your mom and the rest of your family decided to hold your shower because it really is the responsiblity of the BP. IMO I don't think this girl was really much of a friend. When you make a commitment as a BM you should realize that it is more than just buying a dress for the wedding. I understand if they didn't have the money, but it doesn't sound that way. I'm sure this is heartbreaking for you, but truly you are better off without this person being in your bridal party. As ot the other girls they need to get their acts together and remember that their title (which they accepted) is bridal attendant...they should be attending to you NOT themselves for your shower!

Wow...well first off, for my best friends shower, our names (BMs) were not included on the invite and we DID put $$ toward it and being mad NEVER crossed my mind.

I would sit down with them and explain that this is something your mother wanted to do. It is the one thing she gets to plan for your wedding. She didn't mean it maliciously. I'm sure she didn't leave them out with bad intentions!

And noone is going to be talking about THEM as you are walking down the aisle! I am sorry you have to even waste your time with this nonsense!

WOAH!!!!!!! I just read the above post!!! They said it wasn't the BP responsibility!? I would've left their names off too if I was your mother! I thought she just hosted it because she wanted to! The other girls are right...you don't need a person like that in your wedding. They don't deserve the honor!

Honestly...I wouldn't invite them...they are people I would write out of my life JMO. I woudn't want to even pretend. You deserve more respect than that

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Posted by DGoldfarb0776

I would also be upset that my BM were not mentioned in helping with the shower. I would talk to you mother about that (I feel she owes them an apology) and also let the one that dropped out because she thinks there will be gossip and let her know that there will be none of that going on.

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I did talk to my mom...they didn't help with the shower. They told her it was not the bridesmaid's job to pay for the shower. They told my mom it was her job. My mom is helping a lot with the wedding and couldn't afford to do the shower alone. So my aunt helped, then my 2 cousins, and my sister in law. My mom knows that one girl droppped out because of this. She did not leave them off the invite to be spiteful, they didn't help.

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Posted by MrsK2008

Even if Mom and family is hosting the shower, seriously who cares? It is less money being spent by the BP and that, IMHO, is a great thing!

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That's what I thought, too.

Apparently they were communicating via email.

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Posted by ant n tilde

ok maybe i am in the minority here but that is the STUPIDEST thing i have ever heard

she is dropping out of YOUR wedding bc of something you had nothing to do with? WHY is she even talking to YOU about YOUR shower?

what the eff - i would punch her in the ovaries

anyway, my mom cousin and sister threw my shower and that is who was on the invitation. my cousin and sister were also in the BP

my other BMs were not on the invitation - actually that is the stupidest thing i have ever heard why would i expect to be on an invitation that i didnt put any money towards the party?

i swear, i hate people sometimes and i am sorry to go on and on but i am so mad for you!

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thanks...I know, I feel like I am being punished for something I had nothing to do with. I still can't believe they even brought this up to me, why not talk to my mom...I think it's because they know they are wrong. My cousin and sister in law that are on the invite are also in my BP like yours. Obviously you had no difficulties with the rest of your BP?

If it is being given by your mom and family then I can see why their name is not on it. I think that if they are contributing anything such as doing teh favors, centerpieces, or even something else then their name should be on it.

I think that they dont wnat to be in the party now bc they feel dumb.. which seems to be their own fault

As for inviting them to the wedding will they be able to afford a gift?


being in a BP is ecpensive and comes with responsibilty so idk why they said yes in the first place.

I feel like I am confused, but I think its the situation I am confused at!!

My mom did my shower, not the BP.. does that really ever happen?? I didnt think so? But, I guess I was really wrong.

If they really had the nerve to 'walk out' on your friendship-- then screw them!! wow..

Im sorry it happened!!

Wow that is ignorant. I think I would just suck it up though and still invite them just to be gracious. That way the ball is in their court and they can make that decision. But wow, talk about rude.

My mom is giving me a shower cause I have dippy bridesmaids who claim they do not know anything about party planning!! One is my sister for pete sake. The other one is clearly nervous about planning my shower and the third one's idea of a good time includes anything risque which I am not into. While I love them all dearly, they are clearly not going to do squat for me for a shower or bachelorette party and at least not what I had in mind.

So I asked my Mom to throw me a shower instead. I am planning it. She is paying for it. Everyone gets invited and hopefully, everyone is happy.

I told her to call my bridesmaids to let them know what she is up to, but I think she is scared that they will think she is asking for money. (Which she is not.)

We are printing out my shower invites today and this is getting me thinking. I do not think they would care if their names are on the invite or not, since they are not contributing at all financially or idea wise, but hmmm...I wonder.

Why the heck are they not helping and giving money towards your shower? If they are not contributing why should they have their names on the invite. And why are they penalizing you for this. How do they know you are even involved with it? Showers are supposed to be a surprise or given by someone other than the bride. The bride in the best case scenario should really not be involved, so why are they taking it out on you?

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Posted by beachprincess

Wow that is ignorant. I think I would just suck it up though and still invite them just to be gracious. That way the ball is in their court and they can make that decision. But wow, talk about rude.

My mom is giving me a shower cause I have dippy bridesmaids who claim they do not know anything about party planning!! One is my sister for pete sake. The other one is clearly nervous about planning my shower and the third one's idea of a good time includes anything risque which I am not into. While I love them all dearly, they are clearly not going to do squat for me for a shower or bachelorette party and at least not what I had in mind.

So I asked my Mom to throw me a shower instead. I am planning it. She is paying for it. Everyone gets invited and hopefully, everyone is happy.

I told her to call my bridesmaids to let them know what she is up to, but I think she is scared that they will think she is asking for money. (Which she is not.)

We are printing out my shower invites today and this is getting me thinking. I do not think they would care if their names are on the invite or not, since they are not contributing at all financially or idea wise, but hmmm...I wonder.

Why the heck are they not helping and giving money towards your shower? If they are not contributing why should they have their names on the invite. And why are they penalizing you for this. How do they know you are even involved with it? Showers are supposed to be a surprise or given by someone other than the bride. The bride in the best case scenario should really not be involved, so why are they taking it out on you?

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That's something that bugs me too....I have nothing to do with the planning of my shower, so why they think they needed to bring this to my attention I don't get. Yes, you hit the nail on the head...why I am being punished for something going on between them and my mom??!!