Please help FH and I decide....w/Poll

Chrissywish Posted: Jan 15, 2007 10:12 PM

Please help FH and I decide....w/Poll

FH have been discussing a few things about our wedding, and one thing we disagree on is the rehearsal dinner....so without background or who's sides here's the dilemma

are OOT guests supposed to be invited to the RD, even if they are not in the wedding party?

PegaLega Posted: Jan 15, 2007 10:17 PM

Re: Please help FH and I decide....w/Poll

If I remember correctly it is etiquette to invite them. We arent b/c then it would be like having another wedding.
I think it depends on HOW many people you are looking at extra

HTH

ETA:I didnt vote b/c it can go either way

Chrissywish Posted: Jan 15, 2007 10:46 PM

Re: Please help FH and I decide....w/Poll

we need voters..........

Mrs. V 2008 Posted: Jan 15, 2007 10:50 PM

Re: Please help FH and I decide....w/Poll

I would say yes to invite them...

laural2979 Posted: Jan 15, 2007 10:56 PM

Re: Please help FH and I decide....w/Poll

Posted by PegaLega

If I remember correctly it is etiquette to invite them. We arent b/c then it would be like having another wedding.
I think it depends on HOW many people you are looking at extra

HTH

ETA:I didnt vote b/c it can go either way

We had the same problem so we're not planning on inviting them.

smjack Posted: Jan 15, 2007 11:00 PM

Re: Please help FH and I decide....w/Poll

I would say yes, because it is 'etiquette' but i can get a little much if you have 30 OOT coming in. We have that problem but we are probably just going to do a very casualy rehearsal dinner so we dont have to worry about it getting so pricey. if we were going to do a formal RD then we would only invite OOT family members not in the BP and the BP.

Summer07Bride Posted: Jan 15, 2007 11:06 PM

Re: Please help FH and I decide....w/Poll

I think we are going to have the RD the week before so OOT will not be here. Thank goodness - one less thing to stress about.

Kimbalina Posted: Jan 15, 2007 11:15 PM

Re: Please help FH and I decide....w/Poll

Posted by Summer07Bride

I think we are going to have the RD the week before so OOT will not be here. Thank goodness - one less thing to stress about.

I like your idea....

The Knot wedding guides say to invite them

uncqt02 Posted: Jan 15, 2007 11:21 PM

Re: Please help FH and I decide....w/Poll

Traditional etiquette does say to invite them but about half of my wedding is OOT since FH is from Cali. I can't invite all of them so I'm sticking to the wedding party.

October Bliss Posted: Jan 15, 2007 11:42 PM

Re: Please help FH and I decide....w/Poll

Traditionally only members of the bridal party, their spouses and immediate family (parents and siblings) go to the rehearsal dinner. In recent years it has become a nice gesture to include OOT guests as well. IMHO that is total cr@p. The reception costs a small fortune, and the RD is not inexpensive - adding more guests to the list when they are going to see you the next day (or a few days later) is ridiculous.

CourtandJon Posted: Jan 15, 2007 11:51 PM

Re: Please help FH and I decide....w/Poll

OK... first I have a real stupid question... what does FH stand for??

And then to help with your question- I say you absolutely do not have to invite them- you are spending so much on your wedding and- yes, if you had the extra money to throw around of course you should invite them- but it is YOUR wedding and you are not required to do anything! Screw etiquette!!

PreshusSmurf Posted: Jan 16, 2007 12:33 AM

Re: Please help FH and I decide....w/Poll

We are having such a non-traditional rehearsal dinner that we've decided to not even call it that!

There will probably be over 50 people there!

We are calling it a Welcome Dinner instead.

eelharas4700 Posted: Jan 16, 2007 12:40 AM

Re: Please help FH and I decide....w/Poll

Posted by PegaLega

If I remember correctly it is etiquette to invite them. We arent b/c then it would be like having another wedding.
I think it depends on HOW many people you are looking at extra

HTH

ETA:I didnt vote b/c it can go either way

same here. i have like 65 oot guests who are my family members alone, fh has a ton too! the list could keep going. the only oot that will be at my rd are the fgs and rbs (and their parents) and my grandfather and his wife. then it would be way too many people-for us any way

Jennie0898 Posted: Jan 16, 2007 01:05 AM

Re: Please help FH and I decide....w/Poll

I replied NO but I'd like to qualify my answer...

We didn't invite our OOT guests who weren't in the BP but that was b/c they were staying with family anyway and in addition, the family they were staying with was out east (Riverhead area) and our rehearsal was in W. Islip RD was in Bay Shore which is a good 45 mins to an hour away.

Think of it this way, the RD is just a way of thanking the people involved in the ceremony for taking time out of their busy schedules to be a part of your wedding and for being at the rehearsal.

july06bride Posted: Jan 16, 2007 08:11 AM

Re: Please help FH and I decide....w/Poll

I said other, because it really depends... Our wedding was made up of almost all OOT guests, we were NOT about to have a small wedding the night before...

Kara and Todd Posted: Jan 16, 2007 08:20 AM

Re: Please help FH and I decide....w/Poll

TRADITIONAL etiquette says yes. However, VERY few people do this -- mainly because many OOT guests don't come the day before the wedding.

RDs have evolved into a more intimate gathering and I only want those very close to us there -- immediate family, first cousins, and the bridal party. That's it. We couldn't possibly afford to invite all of our OOT guests to the RD - that'd be more than half the wedding guest list!

If the RD is at the hotel, then OOT guests who are arriving the day before should probably be invited - also OOT guests who are very close to your family may be invited... but I do not think it's mandatory to invite all of them.

EastEndBride Posted: Jan 16, 2007 08:33 AM

Re: Please help FH and I decide....w/Poll

i voted 'other'
i think if you are able to afford inviting the OOTer's than go for it, however I don't think its a must. Only the people in the BP will expect to be invited to the RD & that's really who its for.
FH & I are not sure we're even doing a traditional RD, as we're getting married at the hall and not rehearsing beforehand. If we do something it will be only for the BP.