PLEASE HELP (LONG)

I am posting this under a different name because I am worried about someone I know reading this. I have a confession to make...before FH & I got engaged we got married without anyone knowing.
We got married at city hall almost a year before we got 'engaged'. The only people that know are the two witnesses that vouched for us that day. The reason why we decided to get married and not tell anyone was because we were only together for a short time and knew we loved each other and wanted to be together but that there would be alot of people telling us not to go threw with it.
We went ahead and did it and not one of our friends or family know that we are 'on paper' married.
Now here comes a dilema...we are getting married the traditional way in front our families and friends in a church - at least I hope. We already have our marriage license - we got it when we got married - obviously. We have to meet with the priest. Now I plan on telling the priest the truth about the entire situation. I'm just worried that he may turn around and tell us we can't be married in a catholic church.
Our intentions were to always get married in a church. It just happened that with timing of other situations in our lives it ends up that we will be getting married almost 3 years after.
I'm trying not to worry because
1. Yes legally we are married on paper, but to us it is not legal because we were never married before God.
2. We don't live together (yes at night we go home to out on homes) so they can not tell us we are living in sin.
3. I plan on being 100% honest with the priest. No covers what so ever.
I'm just kinda of nervous because even if the priest understands - how do we get him to NOT say anything about us being married prior to the day of or wedding while we are in church???? If he starts to mention anything I think the entire congergation is going to be in complete shock...I can't ask him to lie...but can I ask him to not bring it up????
I'm not even sure if this makes any sense...Basically, I would like to know if anyone is familiar with a similar situation and if you had any problems with the catholic church marrying you or the couple because of it????
I know that there might be some people who feel what we did was wrong, but honestly its our lives and we are completely happy with the decision we made and would do all over again...to us we are not married yet..only until it is blessed by the catholic church will we consider ourselves officially married...so please try not to judge our situation so negatively...

I don't see why the church would have a problem with it, provided neither of you have been previously married IN A CHURCH. DH and I didn't get married in church and people ALWAYS are telling us that we can still 'do it the right way' but that's another story.

Call your church and ask them, but I seriously doubt it would be an issue.

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Posted by eroxgirl

I don't see why the church would have a problem with it, provided neither of you have been previously married IN A CHURCH. DH and I didn't get married in church and people ALWAYS are telling us that we can still 'do it the right way' but that's another story.

Call your church and ask them, but I seriously doubt it would be an issue.

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Neither of us have ever been married before this. Thats why I'm hoping its not going to be a problem...the catholic church is tough in that way - you know the whole 'before God in a church' deal. They don't see it as legal unless done there ...if we have to have it done by an officiant then so be it...just hoping to avoid that way because then we have to confess to our immediate families why we wouldn't be doing it in the church...unfortunately not every church is as lient as the other...I think I may have a problem with the priests at my church...

Thank you for your response...

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Posted by ALREADYAMRS.

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Posted by eroxgirl

I don't see why the church would have a problem with it, provided neither of you have been previously married IN A CHURCH. DH and I didn't get married in church and people ALWAYS are telling us that we can still 'do it the right way' but that's another story.

Call your church and ask them, but I seriously doubt it would be an issue.

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Neither of us have ever been married before this. Thats why I'm hoping its not going to be a problem...the catholic church is tough in that way - you know the whole 'before God in a church' deal. They don't see it as legal unless done there ...if we have to have it done by an officiant then so be it...just hoping to avoid that way because then we have to confess to our immediate families why we wouldn't be doing it in the church...unfortunately not every church is as lient as the other...I think I may have a problem with the priests at my church...

Thank you for your response...

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The thing is, they do renewals in church all the time and essentially, that's what this is even though you don't want to call it that (which I understand completely). I think that might be the real issue - to have them call it a wedding instead of a vow renewal. Good luck!!

And if the priests does say something, you can always tell your families 'wow, that priest must be completely whipped in the head-I hope he doesn't start confusing baptisms with funerals'....
sorry, I know that you're serious, I just thought a laugh couldn't hurt...
I think that the church will be so pleased that you are doing it over their way, that they'll will see no reason to hurt your families by 'spilling the beans'

Priests are funny sometimes....try to call annoymously (sp). and you are not the only one to get married before you get 'married'. I was thinking about doing this myself. Good luck.

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Posted by LFitzy79

And if the priests does say something, you can always tell your families 'wow, that priest must be completely whipped in the head-I hope he doesn't start confusing baptisms with funerals'....
sorry, I know that you're serious, I just thought a laugh couldn't hurt...
I think that the church will be so pleased that you are doing it over their way, that they'll will see no reason to hurt your families by 'spilling the beans'

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Don't be sorry...I wouldn't have even thought to try and cover it up like that...
Thanks for the laugh

My sister did the same.
Some churches have a big problem with it but if you explain how important it is to be married before god they may understand.

I would tell the priest the truth but let them know that you want a ceremony that they would conduct as if you weren't married already.

I'm not catholic so I dont know how strict they will be about it. Good luck!!

If they give you a problem FM me- I have the name of a nice catholic preist that wont care-

He is marrying us at the hall- but he doesn't care that my FH isn't catholic or anything

I don't think it will be a problem. I guess it depends on your church/priest.

My friend was going through an annulment and decided to get married in city hall and then after the annulment went through they got 'married' in church. No problems.

I understand your situation and would never dream of judging anyone!

My DH's brother did this exact thing...the thing is he had to have a renewal ceremony since according to that church he was married already - notwithstanding that it wasn't in a church - they still see it as a marriage because you have a marriage certificate. I found this out after because I asked his wife about Pre-Cana and she said she never did it...their process was a little different. Honestly, none of the guests noticed a difference and it was beautiful.

Speak to your parish and see what they say (my church, different from the one DH's brother used, was adamant about telling us to just get a license in City Hall - not a ceremony - since he couldn't marry us if we did the ceremony)...some are very strict on this, others may not be. Good luck!

It shouldn't be a problem unless the priest decides to give you one. If you have had a civil ceremony, the priest can do what is called a 'convalidation of a marriage' by which the Catholic church officially recognizes it.

My brother had a wedding at town hall and then a church wedding a couple of years later. Call the church and ask. If they give you a problem, try another church. These days, I bet it is not that uncommon

ETA: No one at my brother's wedding knew the difference between his wedding and a 'traditional' wedding. Only a few people knew they had been married at town hall.

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Posted by dpli

It shouldn't be a problem unless the priest decides to give you one. If you have had a civil ceremony, the priest can do what is called a 'convalidation of a marriage' by which the Catholic church officially recognizes it.

My brother had a wedding at town hall and then a church wedding a couple of years later. Call the church and ask. If they give you a problem, try another church. These days, I bet it is not that uncommon

ETA: No one at my brother's wedding knew the difference between his wedding and a 'traditional' wedding. Only a few people knew they had been married at town hall.

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DPLI is right! I found this on the website http://www.ny-archdiocese.org/

What if we don’t fulfill all the Church’s rules?

A marriage that does not comply with the Canon Law requirements (e.g., a civil marriage or a marriage celebrated outside of a church), is not valid in the eyes of the Church, and a Catholic should not enter into it. If you have entered into such a marriage, you should speak to your parish priest, to explore ways to have your marriage made valid (the technical term for this is “convalidation”).

I live with my FH and am worried about that! The church certainly has many rules.

ALREADYAMRS please keep us updated

Again, I will say, if the priest is going to give you a problem find another church. Many priests see marriage as a good way to bring couples back into the church, not a way to exclude them. If he is being a jerk in the beginning, the whole process may not run smoothly and you would be better off finding another church that will accommodate you