please help me

hi
thanks all for your feedback.

i mean fh and i have had our arguements, more than usual. but reflecting up to this point i have been happy to get married.

there are some things i wish he would agree more on, but i figure thats something i have to live w, no ones perfect/

im scared to share my things, scared to move, scared to make big changes NOW THAT THEYRE ACTUALLY HAPPENING.

the past week i wake up and am almost sick of all the changes that will actually occur. and so fast!!!!!

i could NOT WAIT to move into my apartment, set it up, etc. now that i actually can move things in, i dont want to lol.

i sound nuts. i am actually understanding why men dont want committments, because i feel their fear. the things is, this is what i wanted my whole life!

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Posted by Jennielee15

I hate to say this but it's JMHO.... if you have to ask if it's over then it's over. Just be happy that you came to this conclusion before the wedding!

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This! Please don't take this the wrong way....but run while you can, and fast. You do not want to deal with this the REST of your life. I am speaking from experience, been there done that.

I was engaged once before, and I knew deep down it wasn't working, we fought constantly, all he did was criticize me, my family, everything. He was outright abusive to me at points...not physically but mentally and emotionally. I wanted sooo bad for it to work out, but one day after he yelled at me for something so stupid, I just had enough. I realized it would never work and things never get better, only worse, and I never wanted to live that way.

6 months later I met FH, and the rest is history. You will move on, it will hurt like a mother, but trust me, you deserve better!!!!

If you think counseling would work, then its worth a shot, follow your heart and good luck!!

i;m glad that you and your FH are giving this one last shot and going to counceling. I think that will really help clear things out for you and I would try to go as soon as possible to see what can be done to salvage your relationship. Weddings can always be pushed back and there is no shame in that. Better to know everything up front than later on.

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Posted by HSsweethearts

I have had some issues with FH. It's inevitable. We've been together almost 12 years and been through some VERY difficult times. We went to therapy and it helped a LOT. One thing I have to tell you was that in our experience I felt like therapy made things seem worse before they got better. For us, we had been together so long and it exposed YEARS of issues and resentments which we had to process and work through. There were times i felt the weight of them all and feared we'd never get out from under it, but we definitely made it through. I just want you to know that therapy is not a band aid and it will be HARD.

It's also very easy for people to post online about how they'd never stay with someone if this were the case or that were the case, but truly NO relationship is perfect, and only you and FH can decide what the right steps are.

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ITA with this, especially the last part

FH and I have been together for over 10 years. looking back if we got married after only 4 yrs of dating we would have been divorced by now. We went through a lot of issues, and now after working through it all, we are happier than ever. Relatonships are hard work, and if you give up when it gets hard you will never be truely happy in aything that you do in life

Remember this, he proposed to you for a reason. because he loves you. But is sounds like you have more personal demons that dont really have anything to do with his actions. It seems like you are more affraid than anything else to make a commitment.

this is a huge step in life, but if you are not 100000% ready to do this, then you should hold off on the wedding. Who gives a sh!t if ytou have to move some dates back, and you loose money. Is that more important than your happiness and sanity?

get your head on straight THEN go talk to your FH, privately, NOT WITH YOUR FAMILY! you dont want him to feel ganged up on bc then he will be on the defense.

GOOD LUCK

I cant sleep at night. I cant function during the day


why am i feeling like this NOW?

i read a stupid dr phil book last night and he said if you expect a love letter a week, youre in for huge disappointment.

ok im over the lovey dovey stuff hell never do so ive been acepting him as he is.

im just so terrified. m therapist isnt in until saturday. i dont know how to function until then. he is so aloof about things. i wonder why i have been with him this long if its actually hitting me now?

im so scared. i disappointed everyone around me. i ruined the bond between fh and my parents (he did it, i spilled the beans about it)

i spoke to him last night before he went to work and i told him im scared hes not going to be there for me when were married. he told me dont worr and he loves me and its not true. still tho. i dont know what else i want. i guess i cant trust that. i dont know. i feel sick in m stomach
what do i do until i see m therapist? i cant live in the anxiety

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Posted by plshelp11

I cant sleep at night. I cant function during the day


why am i feeling like this NOW?

i read a stupid dr phil book last night and he said if you expect a love letter a week, youre in for huge disappointment.

ok im over the lovey dovey stuff hell never do so ive been acepting him as he is.

im just so terrified. m therapist isnt in until saturday. i dont know how to function until then. he is so aloof about things. i wonder why i have been with him this long if its actually hitting me now?

im so scared. i disappointed everyone around me. i ruined the bond between fh and my parents (he did it, i spilled the beans about it)

i spoke to him last night before he went to work and i told him im scared hes not going to be there for me when were married. he told me dont worr and he loves me and its not true. still tho. i dont know what else i want. i guess i cant trust that. i dont know. i feel sick in m stomach
what do i do until i see m therapist? i cant live in the anxiety

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I really truely seems like you are having more issues with yourself than anything else. You need to calm down and dont get so excited. You have to be able to think rationally about this. Its your life so you dont want to make any quick decisions

It seems like your FH is trying to support you in his own way, as far as reassuring you that he loves you. Most men just take it for granted that once they say i love you they dont really have to say it again and again. They trust in the relationshiop a lot more than we do and they dont see a need to keep reiterating over and over again just to make you secure. my FH is that way too.

remember the times when you wanted to be married to him, and you wanted to start your life together. Ths is just a little blip on the radar in the grand scheme of life. have confidence in yourself and your future husband.

Whats the most major thing that you are so worried about?

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Posted by plshelp11

He will apologize, but I dont see him STOPPING his behavior. I dont have a lot of time to make this decision. I cant pause the wedding and play games with everyone. (300 ppl wedding)

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^^^ that...

IF you know HE WILL NEVER STOP...
Then u answer Ur own question...

IF you having TOO many doubts... if ALL of that is happening, then perhpas it could be time to say 'Its over'

all i know is that nothing that is not right before the wedding, gets fixed after the wedding.

Id been engaged before and it ended, let me tell you... THANK YOU GOD

honey...better a broken engagement then a broken marriage

sit and talk to him, and if this doesn't help...consider walking away ...

how do i know the difference between stress from wedding and choosing the wrong person

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Posted by plshelp11

how do i know the difference between stress from wedding and choosing the wrong person

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U have to look hard into ur Heart....

Look at all the actions...
What does he do? What do u do...??

Is he nice but u negelct him?
Or he is the one whos neglectin U?



DID you Spoke to him??!!!

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Posted by plshelp11

My FH and I have been arguing so much lately.....I would understand if it was just stupid fights, but he is criticizing my family, he criticizes me, he is just getting SO annoying. I cant take it anymore. I feel if I marry him I will deal with this everyday. He has shown some signs in the past, but I thought I Could deal with it. Now, its just too much and I am afraid I CANT!!! I spent all day crying. I feel disrespected and unappreciated. I dont know what to do. My sisters told me they warned me. I know its my own decision but i am terrified. I feel like this is a nightmare, not the happiest time of my life. I am scared I will be controlled at all times if I do get married. I am hurt. I tried speaking to him and he would not accept responsibility. When he did accept a little bit of it, he then went back to his ways denying everything. I feel helpless. I feel like I ruined the past 3.5 years with him. I feel sick. I feel like I dont have a best friend. I dont want to cry anymore. I tried talking to him but he annoyed me so much I have chest pain. I Dont know what to do.

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If this is what he makes u feel...
then perhaps U have to really think hard.. and it could be that walking away is teh best solution...

If u cry EVERYDAY... and he disrespect us... then I dont see why u want to spend the rest of ur life crying n feeling disrespected.

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Posted by VCanizalez

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Posted by plshelp11

He will apologize, but I dont see him STOPPING his behavior. I dont have a lot of time to make this decision. I cant pause the wedding and play games with everyone. (300 ppl wedding)

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^^^ that...

IF you know HE WILL NEVER STOP...
Then u answer Ur own question...

IF you having TOO many doubts... if ALL of that is happening, then perhpas it could be time to say 'Its over'

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As I mentioned before ^^^^
'He will apologize, but I dont see him STOPPING his behavior. '
If u know he will NOT change... then u have to decied... do u want to live like that even though he will not change? or would u prefer to walk away to a new ife?