please help me, very personal &serious- UPDATED

I hate that I have to post about this on the Internet...bc who knows who will read it... but I am hysterical and have no where else to turn.

I posted a few weeks ago that my Mom is an OCD cleaner, but that isn't all. To update: Basically she cleans for 10-12 hours per day. The same things over and over again. I just can't take it anymore... she's also an alcoholic... she'll drink 1/2-3/4 of a liter of liquor in a sitting, and then she goes nuts.

She yells at my poor Dad 24/7. She curses at him, tells him to drop dead, she just told him she hopes he gets in another car accident. She runs around the house banging doors.

She's the same way to. She has always verbally abused me, and she used to physically abuse me when I was little. When I was 12, she tried to strangle my Dad. When I was 8, she took a knife and stabbed herself in the stomach and showed me the blood.

I REALLY can't take this anymore. And I'm so concerned about my Dad too. My family says that's how she is, and there's nothing we can do. I've called the cops on her. They tell me they can do nothing. I've talked to social workers, they tell me they can do nothing. She went to a psychiatrist for a couple of months because my HS social worker made her, but she lied and he let her leave.

Does anyone know where I can turn to? I'm feeling so down...


ETA: She does this stuff when she's sober AND drunk. She just turns it up a notch when she's drunk.

UPDATED: Wow, I just want to say thank you all so much... NEVER in my life have I felt so much support and concern about these issues. My mother is very sweet to my friends in 'real' (meaning not online) life, so whenever I try and talk to them, they turn a deaf ear.

What an amazing group of women you all truly are. I don't know if this situation is going to get better for me, but I do know that I am going to try. Even if it doesn't, I just want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your support.

OMG sweetheart, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. Can you guys try an intervention? Maybe if she's forced to quit drinking, she can get the help she needs??

I wish I had some advice for you...my friend was going through something a little similar (her mother is an alcoholic) and she kept trying to get her help but nothing was ever happening...it took her mother getting drunk and crashing the car (and going to the hospital) when someone finally saw her for what she was and they sent her to rehab.

Is nobody in your family behind you on this? Maybe you could stage an intervention?

I'm so sorry you are going through this...my best advice is to get out ASAP.

I am sorry I have no advice on where you could turn but I just wanted to offer you up some hugs.

i'm so sorry to hear that... its never an easy situation... it sounds more like she has a bipolar type of mental disorder as well as OCD...

I dont know how you would be able to convince her, but she should go back to a psychiatrist/psychologist and it should be someone that is not going to let her lie to get out of it...

oh my god, i am so unbelievably sorry that you have to go through this, i dont think id be able to keep it together like you are

The whole stomach situation should have been followed by a mandated stay in a psychiatric hospital, this is usually the case when people inflict pain on themselves.

Has she thought about going to rehab? or is this totally out of the question? Dont laugh but the thing that came to my mind first is that show, Intervention, is there something like this around does anyone know?

I would seriously speak with your father and discuss your options for making your mom better, i can only imagine how difficult this situation is for you, and i really commend you for how strong you are, i would have cracked like an egg by now

im not sure if i was much help, but maybe speak with a social worker again to discuss what can be done to improve your situation and your mom

I hope your able to do something hang in there sweetie

I cannot put into words how sorry I am that you must struggle with this situation. I'm not sure if you live at home, but if you do, I would move in with a friend for a bit. Also, I would see a psychologist, just to get your feelings out there and work through this stuff, bc I would imagine the emotional toll this has on you. There is absolutely no shame in talking with a professional, sometimes it just helps to talk with someone with an unbias opinion. We are all always here for you!

I grew up with an alcoholic so I understand your pain. My mom actually passed away from breast cancer in 2007 because the cancer spread to her liver because she drank so much and that was what ended up killing her. She never admited she had a problem and always made excuses.

Recently I was looking to help my brother who was having major drinking issues too and all of the interventions and clinics are rediculously expensive and most require that the person is willing to go into treatment and most alcoholics aren't.

For you try a local Al-anon. Its a good support group for family and friends of alcoholics. I never tried it but I know many people who have.

Also when I called the local hospitals to ask about treatment options they told me that when the person is really loaded or passed out to call an ambulance and and they will be placed in the hospital for consult and they will try to help them. Its not a win all situation but maybe it will help.

if you ever want to chat FM me as I have said I lived with an alcoholic for 28yrs and even dated on for 5 years so I can understand where you are coming from. Its scary, embarassing, confusing and every other emotion. You just want the person to get a grip on reality and to realize that they have a problem that they cannot fix on their own.

Sorry so long this topic hits way to close from home and I feel for everyone who has to deal with an alcoholic because they really don't see the damage they are causing to everyone around them.

I am so sorry. Reading this broke my heart. I can't imagine what you must go through on a daily basis. Is there a way for you and your dad to leave? My only advice is to leave to protect your own safety. I am so sorry...

I am SO SO SO sorry that you and your family have to go through this...I feel so bad to hear what she is putting you all through.

Have you guys tried to sit down and tell her how she makes you guys feel and the severity of the situation? Could you possibly suggest group therapy for all of you, so she doesn't feel like she is going alone?

I really am so so sorry hun and please know i am always here if you need to talk!!! Stay strong and know we are all here for you!

That cops could have DEF done something. But I can def believe that they didn't. Maybe suggest an intervention but have either a clinical sw, a psychiatrist or a psychologist with you and your dad at the time. Don't do it on your own.

Godforbid she hurts herself or attempts to hurt eithery ou or your father again don't call the cops, well... do call the cops but also call a psych ER. If she is harming herself and/or others they are mandated to take her and at least keep her overnight to do a psych evaluation.

HTH and i'm sorry to hear about your situation.

i am so sorry that you & your dad have to go through this. i am really at a loss of words.

i'm so sorry that you have to go thru all of this. it does sound like she has more than just an Alcohol problem. I'm not sure how to make someone get help who doesnt want it.

i hope you get the support and info you need to help your family get thru this.

OMG, has she ever seen anyone about this?
I think the best thing that you can do is try to get her some help - even though some people put up a fight about going, it will be the best thing for your family! so sorry that you have to deal with this.

My Father was an alcoholic.... and I totally know how its feel to have nowhere to turn for help.
Contact the Adult Health Services ( Its like the Child one but for Adults) and they will be able to help you and your family.

Adult Services

Soo sorry you are going through this.

Im soo sorry that you have to go through this sweetie.
I wish I had some advice for you but unfortunately I have no experience with this. Sending a ton of your way that you will get through this and come up with a solution.

I kinda know how you feel. My Mom has OCD with cleaning and made my Dad nuts. She berated him until his death.
Like he was so weak and frail (had cancer) and one night I was helping him in bathroom (I can't go here) and on the way out he's like 'we have to clean up and shut the light off'. I told him I'd do it and he was like no and in his weakness, did it. He was so paranoid my Mom would come out screaming.
When I am there, she never gives me a chance to finish anything. The cup and dish is always SWEPT away. Lights, phones, TVs have to be out by a certain time. You need to always have a napkin even if you are drinking something. I vowed never to sleep over there again. She even tells me what comforter to use and how the window should be. It's crazy!
It's a control issue.
the thing is, your Mom's OCD and berating is a form of borderline personality brought on by some tragedy (My Mom was an orphan in a orphanage). Check out some sites for help. it helped me.

BUT if there is physical violence (I just had verbal abuse my whole life), you need to call the authorities.

OMG, I'm sooooo sorry that you have to deal with this. My mother was an alcoholic too and I haven't seen her since 5th grade, so I feel your pain.

It's scary that she can just go so crazy and hurt you, your dad or herself. I would really try to get an intervention with your dad and family members. I really don't know what else to say or give you any other advice except to try to do the intervention and see what happens from there. It doesn't seem like she wants to admit she has a problem so maybe a family intervention will push her to see someone.

If you do live with your parents, I would see if you can possibly move out with other family or friends maybe. I'm sure this is such a difficult time for you and don't even have the words to express how badly I feel.

Good Luck and hope everything works out. I am here if you need to talk.

I am so sorry. I can not offer any intelligent advice on the subject but i just wanted to say that I am soo soo sorry for what you are going through. It really broke my heart and i pray for you and your dad and your mom that she will get the help she needs.

omg im soo sorry! i agree about the intervention part. I would tell her she's not allowed to come to your wedding unless she gets help and changes her ways because she's a threat to other people. which certainly seems about right from what you're saying. maybe that will make her want to change, knowing she might not be able to go to her own daughters wedding. have you spoken to a pyschologist about her? maybe they can suggest something to you.