Brides Helping Brides ™ - Please help- my cousin RSVPd and included his 2 kids

sjNY Posted: Apr 22, 2009 07:19 PM

Please help- my cousin RSVPd and included his 2 kids

So one of my cousins in Boston RSVPd to our wedding and included his two young children on the RSVP. We are not having any children under 12 at our wedding other than my 8 y/o half brother. this is mainly because FH is a little older than me and we have a ton of friends with kids, and it would literally add on another 20-30 people.

Regardless, I need to send him an email telling him that his kids are not welcome... what should I say? Do I need to give him an explanation. This is a black tie optional wedding on Sunday night memorial day weekend.

I can offer to help find him a babysitter at the hotel...

Please help!

Thanks!

meg922 Posted: Apr 22, 2009 07:24 PM

Re: Please help- my cousin RSVPd and included his 2 kids

This is tricky since they're coming from out of town on a holiday weekend. If possible, I'd bend the rules for them since they're family. You could always play dumb later with FH's friends and act like you had no idea your cousin was bringing the kids. Also, it might give your half-brother someone to hang out with. It can be tough on an 8 y/o to be the only child at an adult only event.

If you can't bend the rules, I'd try to call him on the phone. It's easy to misread/lose the tone of an e-mail and he may take offense. I'd definitely offer to help find a baby sitter.

Mrs. Bernabe Posted: Apr 22, 2009 07:35 PM

Re: Please help- my cousin RSVPd and included his 2 kids

your family is different than your friends, so that should not worry you. Now if it's that you don't want kids at your wedding, either be prepared for them not to come and get angry at you, or they can understand that's what you want. I would suggest that you suggest to them that you can assist them in finding a babysitter for that night. Some people think it's okay to bring their kids to everything without checking with the person that is hosting. It would have been nicer if they had asked being that they don't know your financial situation. also, how did you label the invitation? mr. and mrs. Jones or Mr. & Mrs. Jones and family?

sjNY Posted: Apr 22, 2009 07:38 PM

Re: Please help- my cousin RSVPd and included his 2 kids

well i am not from here so the bulk of my side is coming from out of town and i have several friends from out of town with kids. so i think if they brought their kids, it would make a lot of people wonder and potentially be mad. and kids are not free at our reception site. i worded the invitation just mr. and mrs.

Mrs. Bernabe Posted: Apr 22, 2009 07:42 PM

Re: Please help- my cousin RSVPd and included his 2 kids

Mrs. Bernabe Posted: Apr 22, 2009 07:45 PM

Re: Please help- my cousin RSVPd and included his 2 kids

Posted by Mrs. Bernabe

then just address it to them and tell them that you were hoping that they were coming by themselves being that you only worded it Mr. & Mrs., and explain to them that you are unable to have their kids as much as you would want to because then you would have to have other kids come and financially you are unable to do so. Do suggest that if they cannot have no one from their side babysit that you will hire and pay for someone to take care of their kids (not sure if they would be okay with that). Maybe you can look to see how much a babysitter would charge for 5-6 hrs and for how many kids, just in case another person will include their child in the invite.

ETA: I understand they are family, but if I was invited and had kids I would not think of bring them along to a wedding. to me a wedding is an adult affair. I would def make arrangements to have some one take care of my kids and if I couldn't find one I would simply let the bride and groom know that as much as I would like to go to their wedding I am unable to do so because I cannot find anyone to sit. It would then be up to the bride and groom to say bring you kids to our wedding.

JAAMS Posted: Apr 22, 2009 07:59 PM

Re: Please help- my cousin RSVPd and included his 2 kids

Could you maybe call instead of emailing? I feel like people get offended over these things, so it will be easier to convey a more gentle message over the phone.

Just say that you & FH are not having any children coming to the wedding that are under the age of 12. I don't think you are required to provide a babysitter/hotel for them, but if that would make you feel comfortable that might not be a bad plan.

However, if all the other children are the children of friend's, and these two are the only ones who are the children of family, maybe consider letting them come.

BlakeG Posted: Apr 22, 2009 08:16 PM

Re: Please help- my cousin RSVPd and included his 2 kids

IMO it's a little different since they are traveling from out of town and its a holiday weekend and they are family not friends. Personally, I wouldn't want to leave my kids home while I traveled out of state for a wedding, and I also wouldn't want to bring them and leave them with a stranger at a hotel. That being said, if I were the guest I would have never assumed the kids were invited though and would have respectfully declined. Hope I didn't offend, its just my opinion. It's your wedding and you should have it just how you envisioned it! Good luck

Deb-Rob Posted: Apr 22, 2009 09:12 PM

Re: Please help- my cousin RSVPd and included his 2 kids

I have a few guest that I just KNOW are going to do the same thing.. FH and I have already discussed how we would handle this....

In your situation, I would make a phone call rather than an email, and politely say how you are not having children under 12 years old at the wedding.

Are you able to arrange for a babysitter for a few OOT children?

FallBride2010 Posted: Apr 22, 2009 09:50 PM

Re: Please help- my cousin RSVPd and included his 2 kids

I dont understand how people can assume their kids are invited. If they really want to bring them -- they should ask -- not just reply with them in the guest count.

How close are you with this cousin? If not very close, maybe your mother or father (whoever damily it is) could address the situation. But if you feel comfortable, I would just explain that many people asked if they could bring the kids and you had to say no (lie...if this isnt true). Explain that if you make one exception...you have to make 20.

lissylissa Posted: Apr 22, 2009 10:26 PM

Re: Please help- my cousin RSVPd and included his 2 kids

sucky situation, im somewhat in the same 1 but its our wedding and we dont want children there so we have evry rt to tell ppl that just explain to ur uncle!

20mrsc10 Posted: Apr 22, 2009 10:32 PM

Re: Please help- my cousin RSVPd and included his 2 kids

so i know people are going to get angry over this, but honestly boston is not that far..are the kids really little? could they just sleep over at a friends house for a night? i always used to sleep over at friends when i was little and my parents had to go somewhere overnight, bc i have no family around me-and my mom would always return the favor so my friends parents could have a night to themselves..

jmo

MarjorieFrank Posted: Apr 22, 2009 10:32 PM

Re: Please help- my cousin RSVPd and included his 2 kids

That's really rude, IMO, to just respond with children. I am so totally against having children at my wedding, so I would say absolutely not!! I agree with what previous posts have said... if you make one exception, you have to make over 20 exceptions. It's a difficult and awkward situation that they put you in, which I wouldn't appreciate if I were you. Sorry you have to deal with this! Hope it goes well!

Shellymd Posted: Apr 22, 2009 10:38 PM

Re: Please help- my cousin RSVPd and included his 2 kids

I am at a loss here date twin! We are in the SAME boat with children but I am a firm believer that you can't expect people to come from far away (to me Boston is far enough) and leave there little kids at home (u said under 12). I would hope that their parents would offer but since they put them on there I would call and ask if there is nobody to watch them. I think then it is your choice if you would rather have your FH cousins there or tell them they can't come. I mean...I know people might think I thought no kids...but its a wedding, nobody will say anything after..I know its a tough spot, I guess just decide if you really want them there, let them bring their kids...I would def call and not email, people get offended...
We extended the invite to all kids because we have tons of OOT guests and I just dont expect them to leave their kids home over the holiday especially when a lot of them are making it a mini vacation.

jtgarsik Posted: Apr 22, 2009 11:05 PM

Re: Please help- my cousin RSVPd and included his 2 kids

we dealt with a few of these scenarios w/our wedding... some that responded w/kids, others w/guests, etc... Honestly u just have to BE HONEST...I simply just called them & very nicely explained that 'we're really sorry but because of the maximum # for our reception room, and the amount of family that's invited we had to not include children.' u can even say that the only child that will be there is going to be ur brother..i wouldn't even explain the whole '12 & under' thing... i would be simpathetic that he's coming from out of state & maybe tell him that u'd be willing to find a sitter that could help out that night??? Just be really nice & just be honest...he should understand - and if he doesn't, he'll get over it once the weddings over.

best of luck!

Sweeteey51 Posted: Apr 22, 2009 11:18 PM

Re: Please help- my cousin RSVPd and included his 2 kids

oh its memorial weekend and there from out of town with kids. Yea they may not show up, me i would let them bring the kids its a diff circumstance. not like there local and can just get a babysitter.

soontobemrsag Posted: Apr 23, 2009 04:38 AM

Re: Please help- my cousin RSVPd and included his 2 kids

Posted by meg922

This is tricky since they're coming from out of town on a holiday weekend. If possible, I'd bend the rules for them since they're family. You could always play dumb later with FH's friends and act like you had no idea your cousin was bringing the kids. Also, it might give your half-brother someone to hang out with. It can be tough on an 8 y/o to be the only child at an adult only event.

If you can't bend the rules, I'd try to call him on the phone. It's easy to misread/lose the tone of an e-mail and he may take offense. I'd definitely offer to help find a baby sitter.

I totally agree - it would give your brother playmates and they are coming from out of town - speak to you reception hall and ask they lower the prices for children.

divadane Posted: Apr 23, 2009 05:31 AM

Re: Please help- my cousin RSVPd and included his 2 kids

i feel like that's really pushy of your cousin. he's putting you in an uncomfortable situation and now you have to walk on eggshells? not cool.

i agree that for one night, boston isn't THAT far...

i'd call (not email) and tell your cousin that you are so sorry but there must be a misunderstanding... that you are not having any kids at the wedding (except your little brother) but you'd be happy to find a sitter for the night, and that you hope they can still make it.

sharivera Posted: Apr 23, 2009 06:56 AM

Re: Please help- my cousin RSVPd and included his 2 kids

Posted by BlakeG

IMO it's a little different since they are traveling from out of town and its a holiday weekend and they are family not friends. Personally, I wouldn't want to leave my kids home while I traveled out of state for a wedding, and I also wouldn't want to bring them and leave them with a stranger at a hotel. That being said, if I were the guest I would have never assumed the kids were invited though and would have respectfully declined. Hope I didn't offend, its just my opinion. It's your wedding and you should have it just how you envisioned it! Good luck

I had that situation with 2 cousins..they were coming from out of town and wouldn't have been able to come with out the kids, so i invited them,with their children... and they all came!! The kids were a hit.. they didn't stop dancing all night!!

Our friends that live here were not invited w/ their children..noone said anything..(at least not to us )