Please Help With Personal Situation (my LIW therapists)

I am far from a newbie. This is just something that is too personal I would rather not use my real 'identity' I am sorry ladies.

I am at my wits end and need advice from people who are completely removed from the situation.

My family has been having problems with my 16 year old sister. One month ago the situation escalated and it was discovered that she was into some very self destructive behavior. The family confronted her and she went nuts and ran away. She has proceeded to spend one week at one family member's home and one week at the next etc. etc. Needless to say, my family is distaught.

It has become apparent that my sister is a pathological liar. ALthough she has literally been 'caught red-handed' she continues to lie about everything in her life. She has made up a sob story basically accusing my parents, brothers and myself of being the real problem. As she goes from family member to family friend etc. she continues to tell her lies. SHe cries and looks as innocent as can be and everyone believes her.

My parents do not know how to deal with this. They are convinced that she is depressed and needs love. THey are afraid to push her or discipline her for fear she will really runaway and they will never see her again. They have told our family and friends VERY limited information out of shame as well as in an effort to assuage my sister. So basically, they have done nothing to remedy the situation.

Here is where this becomes WEDDING RELATED. My sister has now spent significant periods of time with my matron of honor and one of my bridesmaids who are now BARELY speaking to me and, when they do, are unwilling to hear the truth and only want to lecture me. About 30% of the family and friends who will be at our wedding are now 'poisoned' against me.

I am so distraught over this I don't know what to do. Last night I spent all night trying to convince FH to call off the wedding (which is three months away). I just feel like my family is falling apart and I have no support system. My own bridal party hates me and sees me as a vicious person. I am afraid to face my neighbors and family friends at our wedding who all think i am this evil person.

PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO

Im sorry you have to go through that.........
i would say reveal all the information to the family and everyone, its not right for her to wreck your wedding, and your parents might need to get her professional couseling, or medicine to make her ok..

i'm sorry

my own sister is 17 and my parents are having a lot of problems with her. She goes to a therapist and it has helped her tremendously, although she still is very ANGRY and we don't know why. She is my MOH and honestly, could care less!

Why are your friends and BMs mad at you? It's not your fault and they are putting you in a very uncomfortable situation here...your sister is your family! Don't call off the wedding I don't think that's fair to your FH. Explain more - why do your BMs 'hate' you? Who needs 'em if they are gonna act like that!!!

PS...if you ever want to FM me, feel free...I know what it feels like to have a sibling out of control!!

Ok, first thing...take a breath and relax.

I don't want to give you any bad advice because I know how upsetting this is for you and your family. Is there a trusted family member, outside of your mom, dad and brother who you can talk to? I'm not quite sure what the 'self-destructive' behavior your sister was caught doing but maybe someone else needs to hear the whole story in order for things to get resolved.

Without knowing both sides of the story, how could your friends and family turn their back on you? There seems to be a real lack of communication going on within your family. Is this 'self-destructive' behavior of your sisters really so bad that even your own family should be protected from the truth? Wouldn't they rather help her if this is going to hurt her?

Are you close enough to your sister that you can talk to her yourself?

WOW!!!

That's a real hard situation!!
Well let's start off by

Next...maybe your sister needs to be placed in a mental help hospital. (not trying to be mean)
She is a minor and can be signed into these places by your parents. A friend of mine had to do this with her brother unfortuntely, but it worked out for the best...they realized he was depressed and needed medication.

As per your bridal party, neighbors, friends, etc...don't worry about them...worry about yourself right now. If they are your true friends...they will be there for you when needed.

I agree with the need for therapy. Sometimes professional advice is the only way to go. I'm so sorry that this is impacting your wedding. I think the first place to start is with therapy... and probably on an individual basis for everyone involved before it goes into a group setting... that way the therapist can (hopefully) get a good picture of everything and not be biased by her 'innocence'.

I wish there was more I could do to help, I wish you all the best. You are doing the right thing by reaching out for help! Don't lose hope, there are always options. Even if you have to postpone your wedding, you have to follow what you feel is right. Hang in there, we're all supporting you!

my FH also has a sister that goes through periods of destructive behavior, to the distress of his family. the situation has dramatically improved since she started receiving counseling and therapy. i highly suggest your family finds a way to get your sister into counseling - whether it be one-on-one with a counselor or family therapy. the situation will not improve on its own.

as for the wedding, you shouldn't cancel b/c you believe your family will be poisoned against you. this is a time for you to celebrate your love for your FH. if tehre are members of your family or bp who are against you, while it is tremendously sad, it is not a reason to deprive you and your FH of your happy day. in fact, (one of the problems of typing while thinking), perhaps yoru sister is acting up even more b/c teh wedding is getting so close. she is trying to get more attention now that the time when you are to get all the attention is approaching. postponing teh wedding may be exactly what she wants and she may act up again as the new date approaches.

i truly hope things work out.

I agree with the 'get help' idea.

Those outside what you know as the truth only have your sister's side of the story.

I think your parents may want to take a whole new approach - boldness. Enough is enough, take her in and get help. But not just her. I think the whole family needs counselling (sp?).

It may be embarassing. It will definately be hard. It may help or it may make it worse, but this doesn't sound like a phase/fad. She needs help. I think this may end up being a sign for much more dramatic ending if it's left unsettled.

Bridal Party: Ok, answer me this..... who has a really normal family? Please! Especially during a wedding!! They unfortunately only see her side. Nothing you tell them now will change their minds. I think you need to have a heart to heart with them. Either they support your union with your FH, all other issues aside, or they don't. If they do, then I'd draw the line. This is wedding stuff. If they want to talk about the sister thing fine, try to be open and honest, but if they don't believe you then say 'Hey I warned you' and then move on. If they don't really care enough about you and your wedding, all else aside, I'd ask them not to attend.

I think its better off paying for unused dresses than looking over your shoulder at your wedding.

Just my own private opinion.

X

I am so sorry!! We all have family issues so don't be embarrassed. I work in the medical field and it seems she does need professional help. Any destructive behavior is a red flag!!!!! Since she is a minor your parents can have her evaluated against her will. Something has to be done inorder to break this distructive cycle.

As per your bridal party, I'm a little dissapointed in their behavior! Maybe you can be honest with them and tell them what is going on including her history of self- distructive behavior. I wish you the best of luck and please keep us posted!!!

That's my advice

I agree with the other girls.... your BP should know you better than that and I think you may have to tell them the truth if it is that bad. I know it is hard and sometimes embarassing to have to reveal family situations like this, but you may have to, and besides, these should be girls you are close to and I am sure they will understand.

Good luck to you!!