Please let me not beat down my FFIL! (LOONG VENT!) **UPDATE AT END!!!!**

okay so my FFIL pretty much hates me (the feeling is mutual). told FH that he's making a mistake for marrying a Hispanic girl (um--FFIL is puerto rican!) since spanish girls are nothing but trouble---and white girls are easier to 'handle' (please don't flame--his words not mine) his father has the ability to brain wash his son and make him feel guilty for things that he would normally be alright about. FFIL is angry that we are not marrying in a church, but at the hall in a non-denominatinal civil ceremony. when FH told him that we're not religious and also it's less expensive to have it at the hall, his response 'If i give you $1,000--will u marry in a church?' mind you--this is the FIRST TIME he's ever offered a penny towards the wedding, and he only wants to give it to get something HE wants!!!! besides FFIL doesn't even HAVE that kind of money, cause he doesn't work and is on welfare/SSI.

what makes me SOOOOOOOO angry is that FFIL is a complete hypocrite! he was married in a church years ago--and he cheated on his wife, and has been living with his mistress and their SIX kids for the past 15 yrs. even though he's still married to my FMIL. he broke her spirit soooo badly that he actually still has control over her, and gets her to give him money and help take care of his kids sometimes! W T F !!! this is the man who is demanding we marry in a church! sounds like a real holy man, huh?

he has also made FH feel horrible cause we both decided no kids at the wedding. FFIL has grandkids in CO from FH's oldest brother. FFIL doesn't think he should have to go see his grandkids--they MUST be brought to his lazy non-working azz. therefore if we say no kids at wedding, FBIL won't bring them and therefore FFIL won't be able to finally meet them. so he's trying to make my FH feel bad about this--and it's succeeding. now FH is considering changing our no kids policy!!!

i'm ready to rip my hair our with this man. FFIL really knows hot to push FH's buttons, and in turn, mine as well. i just want to scream!!!!!!

melissa, maybe you should hire the kitty in your knot signature. he might be able to resolve the issue for you quite nicely. [it's me, vixchik]

STICK TO YOUR GUNS ABOUT THE KIDS. we want and are having them....BUT i TOTALLY considered it for a month but decided to have them in the end.

YOU HAVE TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELVES OR SPEND YOUR LIFE [TRYING] TO PLEASE OTHERS...THAT WILL S UCK MORE THAN A COLD SHOULDER FROM SOMEONE WHO SOUNDS EVIL ANYWAY

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Posted by CLMon7906

melissa, maybe you should hire the kitty in your knot signature. he might be able to resolve the issue for you quite nicely. [it's me, vixchik]

STICK TO YOUR GUNS ABOUT THE KIDS. we want and are having them....BUT i TOTALLY considered it for a month but decided to have them in the end.

YOU HAVE TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELVES OR SPEND YOUR LIFE [TRYING] TO PLEASE OTHERS...THAT WILL S UCK MORE THAN A COLD SHOULDER FROM SOMEONE WHO SOUNDS EVIL ANYWAY

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u mean this guy:

'For the last time I said NO kids at the wedding!'

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Posted by MJDoc12

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Posted by CLMon7906

melissa, maybe you should hire the kitty in your knot signature. he might be able to resolve the issue for you quite nicely. [it's me, vixchik]

STICK TO YOUR GUNS ABOUT THE KIDS. we want and are having them....BUT i TOTALLY considered it for a month but decided to have them in the end.

YOU HAVE TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELVES OR SPEND YOUR LIFE [TRYING] TO PLEASE OTHERS...THAT WILL S UCK MORE THAN A COLD SHOULDER FROM SOMEONE WHO SOUNDS EVIL ANYWAY

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u mean this guy:

'For the last time I said NO kids at the wedding!'

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haha I think that would work.
You need to stick to what you and FH has planned. Don't let FFIL change what you 2 Decided, its about the 2 of you not him. Don't let him bother you, just ignore him.

yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


i love him!!

watch out FFIL....kitty's got a gun....

Kitty's got a gun
Kitty's got a gun
The wedding world's come undone
From lookin' straight at the sun
What did that daddy do?
What did he put you through?
They said when Kitty was arrested
they found him underneath a train
But man, he had it comin' Now that Kitty's got a gun
MJDOC12 ain't never gonna be the same.

i'm so sorry. you just need to talk to FH and try your best to shut FFIL out of everything. what have i learned from dealing with my FMIL? that less is more-- the less that NUT knows the better... she is always trying to tell us what to do and how to do it. She is actually very helpful at times but other times she tries to tell us how to live our lives and have our wedding so I yes her to death and in reality do whatever the hell i want.

if FH has any problems with that we just talk it out and decide to compromise but we do that with what WE want-- we can't be considering everyone else's opinions b/c it'll never end!! and it will drive us nuts. i hope it all works out-- just explain to FH that it will be SO much more money to have the kids there, it will turn into a circus and that you should stick to your original plan of no kids.

i'm sorry, i hope everything turns out ok-- but remember, just yes FFIL to death and then when whatever he wants doesn't happen-- it's usually too late to do anything about it. like when the invites come rolling in the door and they are not worded the way FMIL wants-- oh well, too late!

Cheryl--OMG that song is farking hilarious. i love it


thanks dani---i agree that he shouldn't know too much. really the only 2 things he knows about the wedding is the no kids thing and the ceremony. i do NOT want him knowing that much. (like that we didn't put paren'ts names on invites or that FH and i are doing pics b4 the ceremony, etc)

i just hate that my FH is the strongest person--except with his dad. we had our first real WR fight last night over the kids thing. he was saying 'i agree with you that we shouldn't have them there BUT....i'd rather have my brothers there with their kids than without them at all.' and of course, how do u argue that? so we went back and forth forever! ultimately he still has to talk to my FBIL in CO to let him know about the no kids thing. i am really mad that i've had numerous fights with my brother about kids at the wedding and such, and FH stood by my side with it. now it's his turn--and he is buckling under pressure cause he doesn't want to be the bad guy!

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Posted by robynlevy

i think someone needs to remind FFIL - above all other things - that if he continues to do this sort of thing, he'll drive your FH away. (I know I don't know you, but that does seem like the type of thing to drive a child away.) JMO.

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i agree and someone needs to remind him of who is freaking footing the bill.. i mean, c'mon now! geez-- these are the only two things FFIL knows about and funny how these are the two things he's complaining about-- imagine if he knew about ALL the details--YIKES!

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Posted by MJDoc12

Cheryl--OMG that song is farking hilarious. i love it


thanks dani---i agree that he shouldn't know too much. really the only 2 things he knows about the wedding is the no kids thing and the ceremony. i do NOT want him knowing that much. (like that we didn't put paren'ts names on invites or that FH and i are doing pics b4 the ceremony, etc)

i just hate that my FH is the strongest person--except with his dad. we had our first real WR fight last night over the kids thing. he was saying 'i agree with you that we shouldn't have them there BUT....i'd rather have my brothers there with their kids than without them at all.' and of course, how do u argue that? so we went back and forth forever! ultimately he still has to talk to my FBIL in CO to let him know about the no kids thing. i am really mad that i've had numerous fights with my brother about kids at the wedding and such, and FH stood by my side with it. now it's his turn--and he is buckling under pressure cause he doesn't want to be the bad guy!

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Posted by CLMon7906

yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


i love him!!

watch out FFIL....kitty's got a gun....

Kitty's got a gun
Kitty's got a gun
The wedding world's come undone
From lookin' straight at the sun
What did that daddy do?
What did he put you through?
They said when Kitty was arrested
they found him underneath a train
But man, he had it comin' Now that Kitty's got a gun
MJDOC12 ain't never gonna be the same.

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That was hysterical!!

Melissa-

I agree with everyone- stick to your guns. This is your wedding, and if you don't want kids, don't have kids. There's no way you should bow down to FFIL- especially since he's such a jerk- stand your ground! You know, show him how he's right- you can't control a Spanish woman!

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Posted by tomsgirl07

There's no way you should bow down to FFIL- especially since he's such a jerk- stand your ground! You know, show him how he's right- you can't control a Spanish woman!

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yes this is true--you can't hold down a boricua! (isn't it ironic that i'm 1/2 Puerto Rican and 1/2 Peruvian--and FFIL is from P.R. and hates me for being spanish!) lol he has no idea who he's dealing with!

why can't people just say 'I'm happy for you! and I'll be there!' rather than try and dictate the terms!!!!

OMG - I dont know what to say but stay strong...dont beat him down that means you are sinking to his level...

I hope everything goes your way...he sounds just awful...

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Posted by MJDoc12

Cheryl--OMG that song is farking hilarious. i love it

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i do what i can

Honey, stay strong and beautiful!

What's with the race stuff!!!???? As a full fledged white girl I can attest to being at HUGE PITA!! ARGH! So annoying!

He sounds like an insecure, controlling, immature moron!

I agree with a post from above - yes him to death. It's YOUR DAY! Not his! Do whatever you and your FH agree to. He has NO SAY! He isn't even paying! What a jerk!

Oh and is it just me but how does a guy like your FFIL not only have a wife but a mistress? What is it about losers like him that attract women?

Keep smiling and if you need to just take your shoes and earrings off and have at it! I'll bring the popcorn and the slurpees!

**UPDATE**:

FH and i discussed his father again last nite and this morning. FH has had it with his dad and instead of usually buckling under the pressure, he is fuming mad. i think his dad made more comments about the wedding, and me. (FH won't be specific.) and now---he says he is NOT inviting FFIL, and GF and their kids!! this isn't what i wanted. i can't stand FFIL , but i think if he's not there, my FH will regret it. he says he won't. i don't want to push...but i'm just worried this might be too much. should i just let it be, or try and fix it?

I think you should let him cool down for now. You have time before you need to send out your invites so by then, there's a good chance he'll realize he wants your FFIL there.

ETA: I'm glad though that he didn't give in to his father.