Please proofread my accommodations wording because I can't stand to look at it anymore!

EvenEdan Posted: Sep 09, 2004 02:33 PM

Please proofread my accommodations wording because I can't stand to look at it anymore!

Arrangements have been made for our guests to receive a special rate of $129 per night, for overnight accommodations at the Wingate Inn in Garden City. For those who chose to stay at the hotel a shuttle will be provided to transport you to and from the Carltun. The shuttle will leave the Wingate at approximately 6:30p.m. and return at the end of the reception. Should you chose to make a reservation please call the Wingate directly and specify that you are with the Jones/Smith wedding. Reservations must be made by October 13th to insure this special rate. Let’s party!

The beginning sounds so clunky to me, but maybe I've just read it too many times! Is this better?

Arrangements have been made for our guests to stay at the Wingate Inn, Garden City at a special rate of $129. per night. For those who chose to stay....BLAH!!

winnietoots Posted: Sep 09, 2004 02:36 PM

Re: Please proofread my accommodations wording because I can't stand to look at it anymore!

i think the first way sounds fine. i think you have to change all your 'chose' to 'choose'

jen22 Posted: Sep 09, 2004 02:36 PM

Re: Please proofread my accommodations wording because I can't stand to look at it anymore!

I think it sounds good. Personally, I like the way your worded the first line better on the bottom.

I think it should be 'For those who choose' and not 'chose' though....
Oh, and I would put the phone number for the hotel on the card.

Good luck!

Corduroy94 Posted: Sep 09, 2004 02:38 PM

Re: Please proofread my accommodations wording because I can't stand to look at it anymore!

Arrangements have been made for our guests to stay at the Wingate Inn, Garden City at a special rate of $129. per night. For those who chose to stay....

I think i like the way this is worded a little better. It just sounds clear & to the point.

eroxgirl Posted: Sep 09, 2004 02:38 PM

Re: Please proofread my accommodations wording because I can't stand to look at it anymore!

I had almost the same crap written on my STD cards...except it was $149 (the month of June is such a rip off!!).

I think it read: For your convenience, we have made arrangements at....blah blah...

EvenEdan Posted: Sep 09, 2004 02:38 PM

Re: Please proofread my accommodations wording because I can't stand to look at it anymore!

OMG LOL! I had chose!!!!
Thanks for the feedback!

NYC04 Posted: Sep 09, 2004 02:40 PM

Re: Please proofread my accommodations wording because I can't stand to look at it anymore!

ensure, not insure

EvenEdan Posted: Sep 09, 2004 02:43 PM

Re: Please proofread my accommodations wording because I can't stand to look at it anymore!

Posted by NYC04

ensure, not insure

I ended up going with 'secure'

divabride Posted: Sep 09, 2004 02:46 PM

Re: Please proofread my accommodations wording because I can't stand to look at it anymore!

Just little nitpickin - I hope you dont mind.

'at the hotel (,) a shuttle'

and

'make a reservation (,) please call the Wingate'

Im very big punctuation fan!

EvenEdan Posted: Sep 09, 2004 02:59 PM

Re: Please proofread my accommodations wording because I can't stand to look at it anymore!

Posted by divabride

Just little nitpickin - I hope you dont mind.

'at the hotel (,) a shuttle'

and

'make a reservation (,) please call the Wingate'

Im very big punctuation fan!

I don't mind, that's why I posted this. Thanks for the feedback.