Please Read and Give advice!

Ronnie&Theresa Posted: Apr 21, 2003 01:25 PM

Please Read and Give advice!

I am on the phone Sat night with my aunt who is my MOH..

I am telling her about my friend who is in my BP. I said I love her but she wants to bring her married BF to the party .. I said I think he was in the police academy with you.
She said what is his lastname. I said its weird. Say it and I will know it..

BET your @@@ She said it.. She said

Theresa not only do I know him but he has been to your parents house for pool parties, I have been to his wedding, he was at my wedding, he has came to the twins bday party, I know his wife.. I am like OH NO. She said he is trying to haev a baby. I said not what he tells..MY FRIEND...
SHe said OMG OMG..
I think she said OMG 300 times..

So I told her he tells my friend he is seperated and leaving the wife once he retires... She said YEA Sure.. They just got a house in FL for when they retire..

I said GREAT now what..

She said first lets see if he comes to the party SUn.. If he does we deal with it..
If not when the party is over I will have you tell her..

FRIEND I know something I think you should know and let her decide if she wants to know.....
and then have my aunt speak to her..

ahh.. I am so upset. Bc I am going to see her later and I feel weird!

some men are DIRT!

allure Posted: Apr 21, 2003 01:27 PM

Re: Please Read and Give advice!

Well Definatley wait till after the party.
This guy sounds like a real dirtbag
Hopefully she will make the right decision.

nrvbrd Posted: Apr 21, 2003 01:30 PM

Re: Please Read and Give advice!

This is a very tricky situation.

Usually when you think you are being a good friend and telll the 'truth', it ends up biting you in the a$$.
Your friend may resent you. I probably would not say anything.

When some women get involved with married they do not see reality.

Misty Posted: Apr 21, 2003 01:30 PM

Re: Please Read and Give advice!

Oh my God what a complete ASSHOLE.

I don't think you should tell her now...wait until after the party. You don't need the stress right now of what may come out of this. Enjoy the party, don't even acknowledge his existence, and tell her after it's over...

shelzyp Posted: Apr 21, 2003 01:31 PM

Re: Please Read and Give advice!

I would wait until after the party to tell her, so you can say that at the party your MOH say her date and then tell her about what a dirtbag he is!!

shamma Posted: Apr 21, 2003 01:32 PM

Re: Please Read and Give advice!

Theresa, sorry to say this, but your friend has to take some of the blame, its not as if he told her he was single, she knows he is married. If she or any woman chooses to step out with a married man they have to deal with the consequences.

He stood before God and man and pledged his love for his wife, if he can cheat on his wife, what makes your friend any different, lie to her. If you choose to tell your friend go ahead, but she is already living a lie, he is never going to leave his wife. Its cheaper to keep her.

I do not condone men who lie to other women to sleep with them, but if your friend stays with him, she knows exactly what she is in for. She is a grown person and when she is ready to leave she will. No matter what you reveal to her, he will tell her something different and who knows she might stay, she might leave. Good luck to her.

cluelessbride Posted: Apr 21, 2003 01:38 PM

Re: Please Read and Give advice!

Honestly? I don't know if I could wait til after the party. Every day she is with this jerk is another day of lies for her. Then again, she could resent you for bringing her to reality. IMO, you def. have to tell her, but the when and how I'm not sure of. I'm really sorry you have to go through this so close to your party.

dgtlsunshine Posted: Apr 21, 2003 01:41 PM

Re: Please Read and Give advice!

I would stay out of it. I am with Shamma she knows what she is dealing with.

LisaT Posted: Apr 21, 2003 01:44 PM

Re: Please Read and Give advice!

what a sticky situation

I can't see this guy wanting to come to your party since its clear he knows your family, and they know his wife. Why would he go to such a public affair with his girlfriend?

Are you 100% sure that you're talking about the same guy and that your aunt has the details about his marriage right? If so, I would just tell your friend, and let her decide what to do from there.

The only reason I can see to wait until after the party is to save yourself some stress.

Ronnie&Theresa Posted: Apr 21, 2003 01:47 PM

Re: Please Read and Give advice!

He doesn't know he KNOWS the family..
My friend said they were in the academy at the same time bc they are both retiring in the same time period...
She has NO CLUE and he doesn't either!! But my aunt said he has cheated his whole life. He is a cheat!

I want to tell her. She is one of my best friends since I am a young teenanger!!

100% sure its the same guy!

shamma Posted: Apr 21, 2003 01:51 PM

Re: Please Read and Give advice!

Theresa, is he doing something that your friend does not know??? He is not cheating on her, he is cheating on his wife, she knows this, he is married, she knows this?? Tell her if it will make you feel better. But what are you going to tell her?? Any man that can be married and cheat on you, he will do the same to you when and if he ever leaves his wife. Tell your friend not to wait in vain for something that is not going to happen. You are worrying over something she already knows.

NovemberSue Posted: Apr 21, 2003 01:51 PM

Re: Please Read and Give advice!

I would tell your friend now. Why hold out?

Sonicstef Posted: Apr 21, 2003 01:53 PM

Re: Please Read and Give advice!

I agree with Shamma that your friend is just as much to blame as the guy but that is really her problem, not yours.

T - whatever you do, make sure you are prepared to lose her friendship over this. Some girls just dont like to hear anything but positive things about their boyfriends - even if he is scum! She may be really offended and the guy may totally lie and say its all not true.

I would suggest telling her what you heard and leaving it at that. Dont make any judgements about her or the guy - let her decide what she needs to do. If she doesnt want to do anything, let her do that too.

karen32 Posted: Apr 21, 2003 02:09 PM

Re: Please Read and Give advice!

This is a hard one - I would say tell your GF as soon as possible. What if the guy doesn't realize he knows your family (or part of) and shows up???? You don't want him or your GF having a fight and causing a scene. I think your GF needs to know ASAP!!

Good Luck!

IrishTracy Posted: Apr 21, 2003 02:12 PM

Re: Please Read and Give advice!

I might try & play dumb about it. And when he shows up let HIM explain the fact that he is low-life scum!!!! Especially when your Aunt says hi so&so how's the wife! And just be there for your friend to pick up the pieces!!

susans Posted: Apr 21, 2003 02:39 PM

Re: Please Read and Give advice!

I agree with Shamma. She has to have some clue what is going on. It's a matter of what she choses to accept and what she chooses to turn a blind eye to.

I'd also heed Stef's warning, because she's 100% right. Even though this girl may be one of your childhood friends, women are funny when it comes to the men in their lives and they tend to get very defensive when that perfect bubble is shattered.

If you tell her and then she goes to him and she sides with him, that, in turn, will upset you (because you'll question why she'd choose scum over a friend)

Might be best to stay out of it...or maybe just nonchalantly question just how much she really knows about the situation with his wife (hypothetical questions can't hurt)

alina Posted: Apr 21, 2003 02:44 PM

Re: Please Read and Give advice!

I would stay out of it. They can worry about explaining themselves. Its not like the guy is lying to the girl about his 'marriage' status.

LisaT Posted: Apr 21, 2003 02:55 PM

Re: Please Read and Give advice!

personally, I could not deceive a friend in that way. If I knew something that I thought they should know - that someone was playing them for a fool - as a friend, I'd have to tell her.

I wouldn't tell her in a judgemental way - just that I had heard some things that I thought she should know. If she's going to turn her back on me because I was honest, that's her loss and she was no real friend.

I agree with what some of you are saying, but even though she knows this guy is married, she IS being deceived. She (foolishly) thinks there's a future with this guy. Perhaps T's info will wake her up, or maybe it won't. But I wouldn't be able to keep the truth about the state of his marriage from her.

WishCandy Posted: Apr 21, 2003 03:20 PM

Re: Please Read and Give advice!

T - this is going to be hard because like everyone said she could take it the wrong way and end up breaking off your & her friendship instead of the relationship w/that guy.
What I would do is let your aunt go over and be like HI! How are you (whatever his name is)? Any luck yet w/conceiving? etc. I was speaking with your wife and she's so anxious! How are the plans with the retirement house in FL? and then he can worry about explaining everything to your friend.

eroxgirl Posted: Apr 21, 2003 03:25 PM

Re: Please Read and Give advice!

I totally agree with Shamma that your friend is responsible for her actions b/c she knows he's a married man.

But I think if I were in your situation I would tell her that you realized your family knows him, and that if they show up together, he's going to be caught, she's going to be embarrassed, who knows what else will happen when this guy recognizes people at your party. You might just tell her that and let her know that you'll fill in all the details after the fact.