o.k. so all this time i was working with the notion that we were paying our own way (with a nice gift from dad that we would use to help us). I had just about decided on the Carlyle when my dad decides to take a drive to OHEKA. We really were just going to be like 'ooh pretty, wouldn't it be nice...etc.' Long story but he fell in love with it and offered me a significant sum of money to make it 'in our price range' (basically he would pick up the slack where our budget runs out). Well, after I picked myself up off the floor (b/c my dad does NOT have this money), I found that HE was trying to convince ME to go with the castle. And I was arguing with him! Am I nuts to turn down the nicest place on long island? And if I do turn it down I can hear it in my head already forever my dad will be saying to me 'you could of had a castle....'. P.S. - my fiance made a comment that people might think we were snobs. Is that true?
Help! Advice?
kmcwed
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Re: Please read and tell me if I'm nuts!
If you want Oheka Castle, and your father offered to pay for it, what is wrong with accepting his gift?
Anyone who thinks your a 'snob' needs to get a life, and who cares what other people think anyway?
In my opinion, choose the place you like best. If that's the Carlyle, great! If it's Oheka, and you have been offered the means to pay, go for it.
I would have had mine at Oheka if we could have afforded it, or if someone offered to pay.
KarenM
jennyg
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Re: Please read and tell me if I'm nuts!
Hi Laura-
So it sounds like you had a productive weekend!!! That is soooo nice of your dad and Oheka is absolutley breathtaking....and if YOU love it as much as your dad, I'd go for it! Let him help out - he is your father after all and I'm sure his daughter's wedding is a big deal to him. No one is going to think you guys are snobs for having your wedding here - they are just going to think how beautiful it is and unless they've checked out wedding reception places lately, they won't know how much you paid for it anyways. But maybe thats just your fi trying to tell you he doesn't really love the 'castle' idea?? Who knows what goes through their heads!
Good luck! P.S. How was the meadow club?
JodiBabe
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Re: Please read and tell me if I'm nuts!
Why do you think people would think you were snobs? And why worry about what people think anyway?
OHEKA is gorgous!!!!!! If it were in my budget that is where I'd be getting married. FH parents gave us a significant gift but it still wouldn't be feasable for me.
Do what you feel most comfortable with. Remember it is your wedding day!!!
Jodi
allure
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Re: Please read and tell me if I'm nuts!
I say seriously consider it the place is beautiful
Annieb
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Re: Please read and tell me if I'm nuts!
Hi,
I am getting married at OHEKA in a few months. I hesitated over the price for a long time but in the end...i am so glad we went for it! If you have any questions definitely forum mail me. My fiance and I did numerous spreadsheets on the budget. Be prepared...it will put your wedding in a totally different price range. Only you can decide if its worth it...for us it was
Annieb
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Re: Please read and tell me if I'm nuts!
By the way...who are you working with there...Rick or Kelly?
minniebride14
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Re: Please read and tell me if I'm nuts!
No, you have to do what YOU want - get married where YOU really want to get married. You only do it once! Sure, Okeka is nice (if you like that style), but Carlyle is beautiful as well (and has more of a 'warm' feel to it). Follow YOUR heart, not someone else's!
pschica
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Re: Please read and tell me if I'm nuts!
i don't think you are nute - whatever your gut is telling you - thats where you should get married....and it should be something you and your fh decide on - both of you have to like it and agree on it - oheka is beautiful but so is the carlyle and one should make you feel like its the 'one'....don't let your dad choose for you both - see whatyou two like and don't think of it in terms of $$ but the first step in starting your life together....
swags1016
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Re: Please read and tell me if I'm nuts!
Go with your heart on this. We wanted to get married on the water-- even possibly on a boat. But we knew we wanted to be near water, that was a must! Then we went to East Wind-- fell in love with the Estate Building and for us that was what was right-- It was not what we pictured but it was what felt right to the both of us at the same time!
Don't worry about what anyone else thinks (snobs or whatever) or wants do what you want! It is your day and your memories!
Valenia
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Re: Please read and tell me if I'm nuts!
I was a Carlyle bride who visited Oheka and decided against it not because of budget. In my opinion, Oheka is too small for a wedding with more than 150 guests. My parents went to a wedding there, and while the building is breathtaking and the service is good, the layout was uncomfortable for the number of guests. How big is your wedding going to be?
My advice -- don't buy into Oheka just because other people say its the best. Have your wedding at Oheka if you love it regardless of other people's opinions.
wenndypoo
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Re: Please read and tell me if I'm nuts!
You're not nuts!! I agree with everyone elses advice - go with your heart! However, I would hesitate for different reasons. You said your dad doesn't have this money, I would be concerned where it would come from. Is he going into serious debt for this? If so, are you comfortable with that? Also, Oheka raises the bar for all the other details of your wedding. I would expect everything else to be of the same high calibur, and that could be extraordinarily expensive! But again, the bottom line is the same, you have to love it. Good luck!
swags1016
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Re: Please read and tell me if I'm nuts!
Wendy- very good point.
I would worry about how her dad was going to get the money if it is not within his budget and the other thing is I would be worried about what happens if her father thinks he can come up with the money and can't!
LauraPete
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Re: Please read and tell me if I'm nuts!
Girls - you all have such good points and i have tried to go to sleep twice already tonight and keep staring at the walls. I just drove to pick my FH up at the airport and by the time i got there i convinced myself to go with the Carlyle. But then I got home and popped in the Oheka tape (cause i am an A**) and my FH showed interest (i can't interrogate him now as he is on dramamine from the plane and basically asleep with his eyes open).
Wendy raised an excellent point. Would it be cheezy to put a DJ in that castle? B/C that is what i would have to do! I can't go crazy on everything else.
On that note, can someone help me understand what all the other incidentals go for (DJ, band, flowers, limos, photographer)? - the knot is useless with their prices. I have based all my budget ideas off my sister's wedding that she pulled off last year on their own (with the same original gift that my dad had offered me - before Oheka). But if someone could give me an average of what things cost that may help.
This brings me to another point - i feel guilty that my father would be giving me more money than he did my sister. I already asked her how she felt about that and she swears she wouldn't care but i don't know that i believe her. Also, as to where daddy is getting the money???? His answer is 'don't worry about it...I'll take it from the house'... Borrowing on the house to pay for one day of my life???? I feel guilty even WRITING it here, let alone doing it. Don't know if I can sleep on that one. But I am going to go try. Good night for now.
LauraPete
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Re: Please read and tell me if I'm nuts!
Oh Valenia, sorry forgot to mention my wedding will be from 100 - 125. Somewhere in that range. O.k. I have a question for YOU. Since you opted for Carlyle for a larger party, do you think my party will look too small there? I know the room is big but I've seen it will extra couches and plants etc. in there to fill it out. Honestly, would do you think?
ddunne23
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Re: Please read and tell me if I'm nuts!
If you are going to be worried about where your dad is getting the $$ from, will you truly enjoy your day and all the planning leading up to it? Probably not, IMO. If you love Oheka and want to spend a lot more $ on your wedding then go for it! But, don't do it because it is rated well in LI guidebooks. Do what is best for you!!! Everyone has different styles and tastes and budgets. And if your dad insists on you taking the $$, stick with the Carlyle and think of the sweet down payment on a house you could have by not using all the $$ for the wedding. JMO. Don't break the bank if you are not 100% sure.
LauraPete
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Re: Please read and tell me if I'm nuts!
annieb - i forum mailed you
lulu
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Re: Please read and tell me if I'm nuts!
I would not feel comforable taking money from my parents if it was more than they could truely afford.
Also, as other people said, the location of the reception sets the tone for the rest of the vendors you choose and this could really cause other expenses to add up.
You have to decide if the exta $$ is really worth it to you and you FI and if it is than go for it, otherwise, there are plenty of other beautiful locations which are much more affordable.
janatlantica
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Re: Please read and tell me if I'm nuts!
All really good points. I would feel out dad about the budget, then if it seems ok, Definitely do the castle!!!! You hopefully only will do this once in your life. Anyone who thinks you are a snob, has serious issues. If anything people will be talking about how elegant and beautiful your wedding was.
wacky
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Re: Please read and tell me if I'm nuts!
Thats great but, exactly how much is he giving you.? Is it a lump sum up front or later? ' 'Its a beautiful place but it would drive me crazy to not have a ball park figure or the $$ in my hand, in order to plan.
