Please read and tell me if I'm nuts!

Honest opinion, I can not see a wedding at Oheka with a DJ. To me it would negate a lot of the elegance of the hall. I don't think there is anything wrong with a DJ -- I just think that a DJ is more about a fun party than atmosphere, and that it would be odd in the formal settings.

Thinking about it more -- I think a DJ would be even worse at the Carlyle given the size of the room. At least at Oheka there is the appearance that there isn't lots of room for a big band. If you are in the huge ballroom of Carlyle with just 125 guest and a DJ I think it will feel empty. If you had a large band though because of the lower cost, I think the room would look beautiful. Of course this is personal preference -- I hate bumping into people on a dance floor and love the wide open space.

In the end there is no objectively better place. You need to decide what you want for you and your husband.

'Well, after I picked myself up off the floor (b/c my dad does NOT have this money)' is this going to be a problem in the long run?

If you are ok with it then I would say go for it. But if you have any doubts about the financing I would stick to a venue that you can afford.

I had a smaller wedding- 150- and I got married at the Carlyle and it was perfect. Oheka was in my price range but I didn't even look at it because my mother said she didn't like the acoustics (everything echoed and the noise of the guests was competing with the noise of the band). Since my mother is a jazz musician and the band was v. important- we couldn't go w/ a venue that didn't have good acoustics.

Yes, I think Oheka is nice- but I think the Carlyle is just as nice- have you taken you dad to see it?

I think your dad having a part in your wedding must be very important to him. Most dads dream about their little girls getting married from the day they are born. I would have it at oheka and make him very happy. (as long as he does not lose his house over it). I would have it their. understand his side. All the best!!!
PS. both places are beautiful and I wouldn't worry about people thinking you are snobs. Also you are paying for the wedding. He is just giving you his big gift early.

Like others have said, there is no right or wrong choice, only what is best for you. Does your dad really have his heart set on Oheka? Maybe you can talk to him about these concerns. Most expensive doesn't always mean best. If he has money burning a hole in his pocket ( ), maybe he can give more to have a great band at the Carlyle, or send you guys on a fab honeymoon.

I think it's great that he's so excited about your wedding!

pick the place you want!.
if its the castle and your concerned about money from your dad, ask him if he can afford it without going broke.

people wont think your snobs, just do what you want

i think the ladies make an awesome point in that once you choose Oheka - you're going to have to rethink your other vendors. is that something you or your dad is prepared to do??? do you want to get married at oheka b/c you love it, or for what it represents???

as much as i love all this wedding stuff i have to remind myself sometimes - it's just one day in a long and happy life! (yes, arguably the most important day, but still only one day!) not a reason for anyone to go into serious debt!!

JMO!

What decisions you have!! Honestly, I probably differ in opinion from what a lot of people have been saying. If I could have afforded my wedding to be at Oheka, I would have. Unfortunately, we couldn't. And knowing my parents, I could never expect them to contribute.

You have to do what your gut and heart tell you is the right thing. I think only you and FH can decide that.

To me the elegance and ambiance of the Caryle and Oheka would dictate a band instead of DJ. I am not sure of the expense of the Carlyle, but if you chose that could you afford a band?

Good Luck on your decision. Just remember that where ever you decide to have your wedding it will be special because of the planning you put into it....

Do what feels right to you. If you truly want the castle, and your dad can afford the extra gift, then by all means go for it! But if you want Carlyle, then go for that. It's your wedding day and you shouldn't worry about whether people think yo're snotty or not. If they truly know you, then they won't think that, and you won't care. Most people wouldn't think that just because of where you are having the reception. Just choose a place that makes YOU happy.

I booked OHEKA and there are so many comments I have I don't know where to begin. First of all, everyone is right on about the vendors being pushed up into a more expensive price range. Not only the little things like favors have to be more, but vendors will actually quote you twice the price! Annieb and I were just discussing yesterday how our flowers are being quoted at between 8-10K. Even though OHEKA is beautiful and may not need so many decorations, in reality-there is a LOT more to decorate. You have a million different rooms, tables etc. For instance, the vase they have for the flower arrangement in the entrance hallway is suited for a $500 arrangement (info from Flower Michele) because that is what they expect there. I'm trying to get around that, but its an example of how things are. Since I'm having such a lavish wedding, I feel like I should give people better presents, for instance my bridal party and readers etc. are all getting presents from Tiffany's. Not because I think they expect it or anything, but because it is so easy to get caught up in the 'all-out' wedding. (Not to mention my dress!)
As for the snob comment, I have already gotten that. People think I'm being pretentious. And by people, I mean my JEALOUS cousins. Everyone else can't wait to go there.

As for the DJ atthe Carlyle- go for it! The ambience thing is crap. My wedding is extremely formal and by the book and black tie and I'm having a DJ. I understand the desire to have a classy, elegant wedding, but sometimes people get caught up in aesthetics. Music should be decided based on sound and quality, not just on what looks better. You can book a DJ that has a classy presentation (like Music by Michael) and you can also book a band where the lead singer looks like prostitute or at some band showcases with hair coming out of their shirt that;s unbuttoned down to their belly. Now which looks more elegant? The DJ in a tux, or the cheesy band? Now that all bands are cheesy, I'm just saying some people get so caught up in what supposedly is classy. I booked a DJ because the band idea scares me. Even if my budget was limitless, I would still be hesistant. I prefer the sound of the original artist. Also, OHEKA is extremely echoey and I feel that only a DJ would truly be able to control the music. Brass instruments would have a hard time controlling their sounds.
Maybe your Dad wants to give you the best money can buy, but that doesn't necessarily dictate what is the BEST in your decision. I think you truly feel comfortable in the Carlyle. From everything you said, it sounds like you would be happiest there and under the least stress. With my FI and I we booked OHEKA on the spot. We knew it the second we stepped in there. Did the Carlyle make you feel like that?

Hi again,
I sent you forum mail as well. I don't know if this helps but, initially I was hesitant about the price of OHEKA as well. My parents are paying for the wedding and I felt really bad. In the end, my fiance convinced me. This was his rationale...

OHEKA is more expensive but you also get alot more. It is not just a pretty room but a castle. It is more than just a reception...it is an experience. You can start your day as early as 9AM...you get ready there and so does your fiance. You both get suites that will take your breath away(on different floors)...your whole bridal party can get ready there as well since the suite has multiple rooms and three bathrooms! The castle is yours... After you are dressed you can take pictures on the grounds and leave for your ceremony from there. If there is time in between, your guests can wander the grounds and the castle. There is no worry that another wedding will be going on etc. because it is your castle for the whole day! After the reception your night is still not over because you have a cigar and jazz hour to relax with your guests...with cigars, cordials and a jazz band. Then, when this is over...you have a suite for you and your fiance to spend the night with breakfast the next morning for you and your guests who stay at the castle.

It is a 24 hour fairy tale...it is more expensive but, if you can afford it...isn't it worth it?

Interesting view Annie, you have a lot of good points. You made me happy I booked there!- but don't forget, the cigar hour costs a few grand more and a lot of my guests won't be staying at OHEKA because the rooms start at $350.



Heres another idea, have you considered off season? Would that bring the price of the Carlyle closer to the price of OHEKA? WHat is the price difference anyway? Are you getting married at the Carlyle or at a church? I don't know if Carlyle charges for ceremony, but OHEKA doesn't.

ARE YOU INSANE TAKE THE CASTLE AND RUN. I WISH WE COULD HAVE DONE THAT.
BUT I UNDERSTAND THAT THE SAME MONEY COULD COVERY A LOT MORE SOMEWHERE ELSE.
WHY NOT TAKE DAD TO THE BOURNE MANSION IN OAKDALE OR VANDERBILT MANSION IN OAKDALE ON DOWLING COLLEGE. THEY ARE LESS EXPENSIVE THAN OHEKA AND YOU COULD USE THE LEFT OVER MONEY FOR OTHER STUFF LIKE FLOWERS, INVITATION, ETC. TELL DAD YOU ARE STRETCHING HIS DOLLAR AND STILL GETTING THE CASTLE. GOOD LUCK