My FH is a wonderful man. BUT ever since the planning began, he's changed. He's still a super sweet guy and all, but when I tell him I have to make an appt with a vendor or we HAVE an appt with a vendor, he snaps at me! 'With who? Why now?' He doesn't seem to understand that the important vendors (photography, florist, DJ...) book up pretty fast and if we want them we NEED to book them now. Our florist is the only thing we have left to book and then we can take a breather for a while. He also thinks that we have to have hundreds of dollars on hand for an appointment. How many of you have actually went on an appt (interview) with a vendor without having the money to give them a deposit? He thinks that a vendor interview=money out of his pocket. It's just an interview...we're not booking them at that moment. I had a heart to heart with him today and told him that this is supposed to be the happiest time of my life and he's making it miserable for me. When we got engaged, I told him that if he wanted, we could elope to bypass all the stressful wedding planning and money issues we are sure to encounter (are already!), because we're paying for the entire thing ourselves. But he wanted the big wedding. (I've been married before and I had a big wedding the first time...I left the decision up to him since he's never been married). Of course I was excited he wanted the big wedding... JK! I'm sorry for venting BIG TIME, but have any of you experienced a Jekyll & Hyde attitude from FH?
no stress bride
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Re: PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one...LONG VENT!
Once I first got engaged cause i knew that this was going to happen at times i told him we have to be on the same page all the times with the wedding stuff cause if not we would always be in a fight!! It will be ok i just try to do alot of things before i have to involve him!! But so far he has been a doll but he has been taking alot more headache medicine!! LOL
kathleenmarie
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Re: PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one...LONG VENT!
I think they sometimes get just as stressed as we do, they just react differently. Have faith It will pass. It rides like a roller coaster!
nferrandi
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Re: PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one...LONG VENT!
Maybe he doesn't need to go to all of the interviews. My FH isn't inot wedding planning so I've done most of the leg work and then he would come when we were ready to book. If he liked it we moved forward, if not I kept looking. I know that you may feel resentful doing all of the work on your own, but if you're going to do it anyway, which you will, it may help to keep the peace. JMO
september2004
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Re: PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one...LONG VENT!
Posted by nferrandi
Maybe he doesn't need to go to all of the interviews. My FH isn't inot wedding planning so I've done most of the leg work and then he would come when we were ready to book. If he liked it we moved forward, if not I kept looking. I know that you may feel resentful doing all of the work on your own, but if you're going to do it anyway, which you will, it may help to keep the peace. JMO
this is how FH and i work as well...
RedHead
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Re: PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one...LONG VENT!
Posted by nferrandi
Maybe he doesn't need to go to all of the interviews. My FH isn't inot wedding planning so I've done most of the leg work and then he would come when we were ready to book. If he liked it we moved forward, if not I kept looking. I know that you may feel resentful doing all of the work on your own, but if you're going to do it anyway, which you will, it may help to keep the peace. JMO
This is what we do too. Personally, I like it this way. My mom goes with me or some of my BM's. Then when i get it down to 2 or 3 that i really like, he comes for the final decision.. So far no problems
gertyrae
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Re: PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one...LONG VENT!
I am in exactly the same situations as you...although I didn't have a big wedding the first time. I found that for some of the more feminine things (flowers, dresses, cakes) it was easier to go alone. There were also a few vendors that I went to alone just for convenience reasons. His schedule is very hard to work with. Then when I narrowed down the search on Photographer, DJ, etc. He would go to one or two and we would make our decision after, together. It was sort of important to me that he be a part of it cuz I didn't want to start the marriage by having to take care of everything myself. Once he realizes that you won't book all the vendors you visit, he may cool down a little. Some don't though, my friends husband wanted nothing to do with booking vendors, he told her to do whatever she wanted and she did.
wenndypoo
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Re: PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one...LONG VENT!
I agree, men just think and react differently than we do. My FI just doesn't get it, never has, never will! I just left him out of it. He was involved with chosing the reception site, and the HM, and that was it. It made things alot less stressful for both of us.
jpdagame
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Re: PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one...LONG VENT!
My FH is like that too!!! He doesn't understand that things don't just come to him. He flipped out when I had an appt. with Duet 13 months before our wedding, but the good vendors do indeed book up fast! He got over it and is starting to see things my way now. Good Luck and happy planning!! Don't forget, he may be feeling a little left out in the process....JMO
MissM
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Re: PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one...LONG VENT!
My FI to!!! Totally not interested - BUT as the wedding gets closer, he's staring to pay more attention to it. According to my FI - unless something is urgent (like going to happen next week). He just can't understand the importance of planning 'so far in advance' (he just doesn't get it).
Maybe that's your case - men (JMO) seem to think we can pull off a wedding in a week.
Good luck!!
nancyruo
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Re: PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one...LONG VENT!
In all our years together we never had a fight till planning our wedding I gave up on him already! I don' think it's that they change. To most brides it is our dream day, to guy it's big expense, especially my guy
nehaliasz
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Re: PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one...LONG VENT!
He's not really interested in going to meet with photographers, florists.... he says that he trusts my opinions and he'll be happy with whatever I decide. That means he doesn't feel like sitting there while I ask all the questions and stuff. He's clueless on all this wedding stuff. Now when it comes time to choose the menu, cake and music, that he'll be willing to help with! Honestly, I think it makes it easier on both of us.
bride2B04
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Re: PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one...LONG VENT!
I get all my info together and let him know that the next thing to do is......we talk over a budget and what we both want from the vendor then i go searching (yes i work full time and have a daughter) so u can imagine it has been hard. but i know if i had to involve him it would have been worse. Once i narrow it down, by calling them making sure they were avaibale and met some of our basic expectations i book all the vendors in to one day and then the rest of the day we spent in no relation to the wedding b.c sometimes we all need to get away from it. can u try this not saying it will work for you since not everything works the same way but tis worth a shot....and p.s. use the boards as a good review of vendors before you go there the reviews here are honest and the girls are great. and post and ask us anytime we are here to help and all going thru the same thing! all men see is wedding= Money= working Overtime= why did i do this to myself (j/k)
