'Plus Ones' on Your Guest List

I Posted this on the board

FH was 28 when we started dating was invited to a good friends wedding without a date. They had a 6 month rule and even though our 6 month was on their wedding day they didn't budge. I didn't care, FH refused to go. We are inviting everyone with a guest except 4 of our cousins who will be seniors or in college, but there's enough family they know people
Many people may choose not to bring a date anyway, which is fine. And as far as the 'I don't want to pay for strangers' feelings, I don't know anyone who wouldn't double their check amount if they bring someone. From the people I know, everyone gives at least plate cost but usually more. FH and I are paying for the wedding ourselves and the date issue isn't a concern. From the extra 10-20 'dates' we may not even know, it's not like we will be staring at a sea of strangers!!!
IMO all adults, should have that date option (if possible!)
The 'rules' can be hard. FH and I weren't engaged or living together til about 5 years. There's some 'rules' on the other board we didn't fit, so I guess I would have been solo at those weddings. Or for the 6 month rule FH couldn't bring me to--guess what-some of those couples who were there are divorced or split, meanwhile I couldnt come bc of a 'fling worry' and we are next to be married.
FH and I would rather suck up the extra cost than potentially hurt feelings. My brother got married last week and most of his '& guest' invites replied solo anyway

ETA- if it's not possible for +1 for everyone, I strongly feel that bridal party has a +1 no matter what!! It's supposed to be an honor to be in a bridal party. Siblings should get +1 as well, but depending on age, relationship status or whatever...

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Posted by Jax1127

I feel anyone over lets' say, 25 would be allowed to bring a guest. Not everyone always will but I feel they deserve to have that option.

I do think no matter what the age, anyone in the BP should be allowed to bring a date as well. My fiance's sister is 16 and will be 17 at our wedding but b/c she's in my BP I will invite her with a date. I am not sure if she bring one but I feel it's rude not to...especially after all the BM's do for the brides and the money they spend etc etc.

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THIS!!!

We're doing '+1' only for long term relationships, engaged or married.

True story-A friend of mine JUST TODAY told me about how her boyfriend of 6 months was invited to his friend (of 18 years)'s wedding and she was not invited. She had assumed she'd be invited and was upset. Her boyfriend is considering going to the bachelor party and the ceremony, but not the reception. I say that is ridiculous and I told her from a bride's POV-6 months is not that long of time to include a +1. The boyfriend offered to pay for her.... which boggles my mind to even say that to someone as this isn't just a fancy dinner out... it's a WEDDING... and it's ONE NIGHT away from your boyfriend/girlfriend... and/or ONE NIGHT hanging out alone. I say get over it.

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Posted by 2013Bride

We're doing '+1' only for long term relationships, engaged or married.

True story-A friend of mine JUST TODAY told me about how her boyfriend of 6 months was invited to his friend (of 18 years)'s wedding and she was not invited. She had assumed she'd be invited and was upset. Her boyfriend is considering going to the bachelor party and the ceremony, but not the reception. I say that is ridiculous and I told her from a bride's POV-6 months is not that long of time to include a +1. The boyfriend offered to pay for her.... which boggles my mind to even say that to someone as this isn't just a fancy dinner out... it's a WEDDING... and it's ONE NIGHT away from your boyfriend/girlfriend... and/or ONE NIGHT hanging out alone. I say get over it.

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I totally understand your view point and we were in that exact situation. I didn't care that I wasn't invited, but FH was bummed and refused to even go to wedding. It wasn't about 1 night away from me, it was the fact that he was 28 and invited without a date when most of his friends were. He prob felt singled out. Of course FH would have given twice the amount as a gift if i came (as any other wedding--IDK many people who wouldn't give at least enough for their plates)But instead, he gave nothing and it kinda hurt their friendship for a while.

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Posted by Jax1127

If I was not engaged and I was invited without a date I wouldn't go either. I dunno I feel like after a certain age it's just expected that ur invited with a guest. The same thing happened to us and my fiancé (just bf at the time) didn't go either.

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ITA
I've never been invited alone to weddings (except family which is a diff story to me) and even if FH can't go, I'll check with the bride/groom first, but I'll still reply 2 and usually bring my 'psuedo boyfriend' It's just the principle!

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Posted by KristyANDMatt224

I totally understand your view point and we were in that exact situation. I didn't care that I wasn't invited, but FH was bummed and refused to even go to wedding. It wasn't about 1 night away from me, it was the fact that he was 28 and invited without a date when most of his friends were. He prob felt singled out. Of course FH would have given twice the amount as a gift if i came (as any other wedding--IDK many people who wouldn't give at least enough for their plates)But instead, he gave nothing and it kinda hurt their friendship for a while.

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That's funny because that is like, exactly the same situation my friend is in! Apparently he was *almost* in the wedding party too... which I'm sure probably stung a little bit as well and didn't 'help'.

That's what I'd be afraid of-hurting a long standing friendship all because his girlfriend of 6 months wasn't invited... I guess that just seems silly to me if a bunch of your friends and/or family will be there, but I can definitely understand both sides of the situation. I wonder what would happen if they got engaged likeeee now! that would be even more awkward, I suppose!

And PS I guess I got really opinionated about this because when we first started planning, my fiance's mother's cousin made a point of saying how ridiculous it was that her 20-something son wasn't invited with a guest to another cousin's wedding.... I guess trying to make a point that she expects him to get a +1 to our wedding. Ummmm who knows if he is even going to be invited.... I'm just saying.

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Posted by KristyANDMatt224

I totally understand your view point and we were in that exact situation. I didn't care that I wasn't invited, but FH was bummed and refused to even go to wedding. It wasn't about 1 night away from me, it was the fact that he was 28 and invited without a date when most of his friends were. He prob felt singled out. Of course FH would have given twice the amount as a gift if i came (as any other wedding--IDK many people who wouldn't give at least enough for their plates)But instead, he gave nothing and it kinda hurt their friendship for a while.

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That's funny because that is like, exactly the same situation my friend is in! Apparently he was *almost* in the wedding party too... which I'm sure probably stung a little bit as well and didn't 'help'.

That's what I'd be afraid of-hurting a long standing friendship all because his girlfriend of 6 months wasn't invited... I guess that just seems silly to me if a bunch of your friends and/or family will be there, but I can definitely understand both sides of the situation. I wonder what would happen if they got engaged likeeee now! that would be even more awkward, I suppose!

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and FH says he was *almost* in bridal party as well. hahahaha. Yea at the time, I was like 'whatever just go!' But bc of that he's so firm on everyone gets a guest, so I guess that's why it's not even a 2nd though for me. and like I said before, some of the couples who were there are no longer together, meanwhile we hang out with this couple alot now and i've heard of them saying they feel bad I wasn't invited, but they just didn't know me well and blah blah. FH is still bitter and told me to invite his friend without a guest (AKA his WIFE!) talk about groomzillas!

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Posted by KristyANDMatt224
FH is still bitter and told me to invite his friend without a guest (AKA his WIFE!) talk about groomzillas!

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HAHAHA!!! that's hysterical!!!!

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Posted by 2013Bride

And PS I guess I got really opinionated about this because when we first started planning, my fiance's mother's cousin made a point of saying how ridiculous it was that her 20-something son wasn't invited with a guest to another cousin's wedding.... I guess trying to make a point that she expects him to get a +1 to our wedding. Ummmm who knows if he is even going to be invited.... I'm just saying.

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As far as the family thing, I'm not as strongly opinionated on the guest issue. Bridal party, IMO 100% should have a guest, no matter what. But family, I was never invited with a date (aside from the fact my family hated my then boyfriend)But it didn't matter to me, bc i was with my brothers and all my cousins. Before FH, it never occurred to me to wanna have bf's at family functions, like holidays, weddings, birthdays etc.

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Posted by LisaReyes

I'm doing what most other people are doing - serious relationships only. Obviously this needs to be handled on a case by case basis. They're your bridesmaids and groomsmen - so I think the best approach here is to talk to them about it. Let them know you want them to have fun, but also don't want them to bring a random girl because they feel like they 'need a date.' A few of my bridesmaids are also single and 'seeing some guys.' I just told them that if there is anyone serious as the wedding gets closer, they're welcome to bring them. They just have to let me know by the RSVP date.

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They will have tons of family, cousins, friends that they haven't seen in forever..... because they are from Florida, and some close family friends of theirs we are inviting...

I think the idea of letting them know they are welcome to bring someone in a serious relationship, as long as we are told before the RSVP date - at least for the bridal party is a good idea. They are family and will understand.

I would hope the 2 from Florida wouldn't bring a girl just because.

I see I've hit a hot button issue...


I guess I have to expalin

Best man - just barely 21
Groomsmand 1 - 22, maybe just 23
Groomsman 3 - 19

They are FH's half-siblings. Yes, So if we're playing by the 25 rule - they are out.

If we play by the bridal party rule - then they get date. Question becomes does a 19 year old bring a casual date from 3 states away.... (*I hope not*)

I'm counting on distance to weed them out, or simply not giving a +1 to the 'girlfriend of the day'

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Posted by KristyANDMatt224

As far as the family thing, I'm not as strongly opinionated on the guest issue. Bridal party, IMO 100% should have a guest, no matter what. But family, I was never invited with a date (aside from the fact my family hated my then boyfriend)But it didn't matter to me, bc i was with my brothers and all my cousins. Before FH, it never occurred to me to wanna have bf's at family functions, like holidays, weddings, birthdays etc.

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Yeah, I've only brought one serious boyfriend (we were together for 3 years, so it made sense) to a family wedding, but other than that I always went single with my family. I had fun no matter what!

I have to agree about bridal party +1s though... I mean those people are spending a lot of time, energy & money for your day... they kinda deserve a +1 haha

I am doing + 1 for everyone

I was always given one, regardless of dating status and i think this is nice/ correct.

we arent having under 18 attend, so that wont be an issue (teenage romances)

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Posted by lauren1802

I am doing + 1 for everyone

I was always given one, regardless of dating status and i think this is nice/ correct.

we arent having under 18 attend, so that wont be an issue (teenage romances)

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ITA!

But I think that over 25 should def be invited with a date, JMHO.

We are doing a plus ones for everyone I just feel bad to make people come alone But from what I'm reading I shouldn't think like that idn!