Pre-Cana

sweetdoublenn Posted: Jan 28, 2008 12:42 PM

Pre-Cana

What is actually done in Pre-Cana? Is there a Test? I am new at this and don't really understand it quite yet!!..LOL

Stephlover817 Posted: Jan 28, 2008 01:11 PM

Re: Pre-Cana

I already did pre-cana and it wasn't bad at all. There are no tests. You have lots of discussions with FH about issues that might arise after being married. You really learn a lot about each other!!

smplynluv Posted: Jan 28, 2008 01:13 PM

Re: Pre-Cana

lol no, there is no test! Well, where I did it, we did it with about 10 couples. There were two leading married couples and we just sat in a circle and spoke about 'married-life topics'. By this I mean financing, communication, family, etc. It was actually not as boring as I thought it would be. They tried to make it fun so that you do learn even more about each other. Don't sweat it!

xBrunette Posted: Jan 28, 2008 01:13 PM

Re: Pre-Cana

i think it's like 'marriage counseling' haven't been to it.. but i heard it's good.. you get to see what Fh expects from you and what you expect from him, if you have the same ideas of a marriage and family... at least that's what i got out of it when i asked.. hope that helps

sweetdoublenn Posted: Jan 28, 2008 02:43 PM

Re: Pre-Cana

Scared of it!!! Worried about them asking us personal questions that we don't care to answer or that it's none of their business to ask! My friend did hers and she said they just sat there and listened to other couples. You don't have to participate if you don't want to. It's going to be hard since he has rotating days off. Have no clue how that works!

How many classes of Pre-Cana do you have to take?

JKFris09 Posted: Jan 28, 2008 03:11 PM

Re: Pre-Cana

We took the FOCCUS test, it's not a pass or fail thing but it was like 150 questions

autumnbride10 Posted: Jan 28, 2008 03:18 PM

Re: Pre-Cana

Posted by JKFris09

We took the FOCCUS test, it's not a pass or fail thing but it was like 150 questions

Can I ask where you took that FOCCUS test? Is it something you can get online?

DeeluvsVinny Posted: Jan 28, 2008 03:20 PM

Re: Pre-Cana

I guess it really depends on where you go..we acutally just went this weekend and I may be a big dork for saying this, but I had fun. Our church is in Queens, so we went through the brooklyn diocese. We went to the immaculate conception retreat center in douglaston. Friday night-there was a mass and then they told us what to expect for the next day. And we had to write each other loves letters about why we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Were there about an hour.

Then Sat- we went back at 9 am- breakfast, then we had like 4 dicussions about different aspects of marriage and in between each one, we had a few minutes to fill out some worksheets separately and then compare answers. Then luch at like 12 and one more discussion about S E X and then we exhanged love letters with our FHs/FWs, got our certificates of completion and were out of there by 2:15ish.

Our hosts were wonderful and told lots of jokes and stories we could relate to. Fh and I think it's fun and may look into being hosts in the future, although we aren't that religious.

anneandchris Posted: Jan 28, 2008 03:40 PM

Re: Pre-Cana

It all depends on your parish. We took the Focuus test at a couples home. We went once took the test and then came back a week later and discussed it.

We started precana last week. We met at the chruch rectory with all of the couples and then starting tonight we go to our married couple leaders home for 5 weeks and then we end with a mass. They gave us this booklet and we had to read it and then we will discuss the topics in the booklet.

You do not have to answer anything you are uncomfortable with discussing.

sweetdoublenn Posted: Jan 28, 2008 04:03 PM

Re: Pre-Cana

We both are! We feel especially in the intimate department it's none of other couples business! I am sure other people will agree with me! We will listen and not judge but may feel uncomfortable answering questions!!

Cpt2007 Posted: Jan 28, 2008 05:11 PM

Re: Pre-Cana

The set up of pre-cana really differs from parish to parish. Many parishes have their own sessions set up; others will send you to the RVC diocese session which is an all day Saturday.

We did ours through our parish here in DC. It was for 2 hrs every Thursday evening over the course of 6 weeks. DH did not want to go, but in the end loved it. FOCCUS for us was a Meyers Briggs Indicator Survey that was analyzed in the specter of marriage. That was a special session that we did and were with about 20 other couples. We found it really informative and interesting.

Really, don't be afraid of it. We had a wonderful time and made some great friends!

anneandchris Posted: Jan 28, 2008 05:17 PM

Re: Pre-Cana

Posted by autumnbride10

Posted by JKFris09

We took the FOCCUS test, it's not a pass or fail thing but it was like 150 questions

Can I ask where you took that FOCCUS test? Is it something you can get online?

A friend of mine did hers online.

sweetdoublenn Posted: Jan 28, 2008 07:01 PM

Re: Pre-Cana

You can do Pre-Cana online?? We think we are gonna have a problem. Say it's every Thursday, we can't do that cause he has rotating schedules. So we may have to work something out with the church!!!

PegaLega Posted: Jan 28, 2008 08:43 PM

Re: Pre-Cana

Pre cana for the most part is just to get an idea of the different aspects of married life, whether it be money or children. It basically going over the connection between love and marriage and god.

Not really 'religious' so to speak but it comes up.

The TEST you are talking about is FOCCUS, not all parishes require this. It asks you question and either you agree or disagree-then they compare your answers with FHs and you talk about the areas you differ greatly-no big deal.

Most of the questions that we answered differently were mistakes-we didnt understand the question.

bella1028 Posted: Jan 28, 2008 09:20 PM

Re: Pre-Cana

no...no test...i have posted before on this topic and I have said that FH and I actually enjoyd it...it was interesting, no pressure like I anticipated either...go in with an open mind and don't be nervous...good luck

sweetdoublenn Posted: Jan 29, 2008 11:40 AM

Re: Pre-Cana

We were just wondering if we had to participate! We are both private people when it comes to our relationship if you know what I mean. It could be fun!! I know that sounds weird to say but I want to go in with an open mind!!!

Cpt2007 Posted: Jan 29, 2008 11:55 AM

Re: Pre-Cana

Posted by sweetdoublenn

We were just wondering if we had to participate! We are both private people when it comes to our relationship if you know what I mean. It could be fun!! I know that sounds weird to say but I want to go in with an open mind!!!

Most parishes will require you to go, yes. But with that said, you aren't required to spill your guts to everyone else there.

They make you think about situations that you will encounter in marriage. One example that they gave us was that your DH invited a good friend of his to stay with you in your home while he job searches and until he is able to get his feet on the ground. But come 5 months later, there's no sign of the friend doing any job searching and it's putting a strain on your living situation. So, you are then posed the question: how would you handle this situation? Would your DH say something or would you? Would you make an ultimatum to the friend that he has until X day and time to make other arrangements.

Another question that they asked which got a lot of us talking in our session was: Where do you plan on spending your first Christmas together? Which set of parents' gets you for that first holiday as a married couple?

Hope that helps and sets your mind more at ease.